Nobody cares except the idiots who went.

You know the festival is over when the buzz is all in the traditional newspaper.  As in there IS NO BUZZ!

I ask you, would a Tool fan be interested in seeing ANY of the other acts on the bill?

Or why in the fuck would the hipsters who go to shows like this, so they can wear it as a badge of honor for the next twelve months, want to see Madonna?  Isn’t that like inviting Ronald McDonald to your teenage make-out party?

There just aren’t enough hip, mainstream acts for this to be a buzz event.

Oh, I thought I was getting too old.  Maybe I didn’t want to hang with a billion other wankers in the stifling heat in the middle of nowhere hearing bands I didn’t care about.  But the early twentysomething engineer on my KLSX show said he didn’t go because there was NOBODY HE WAS INTERESTED IN SEEING!

Everything’s branding today.  The only difference between Coachella and MTV is the demo.  They’ve both got little to do with music and all to do with the scene.

This is an act driven business and don’t you forget it.

And the acts on the bill might be cool, in some Pitchfork Media crossed with the "New York Times" Style section kind of way.  But the average person?  He and she just don’t give a shit.

We don’t give a shit about the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.  Like anybody’s gonna be listening to them the day after tomorrow.  And if you put Coheed and Cambria on the same bill with Depeche Mode, your head is firmly up your ass.  These acts share the same audience in an alternative universe, one I haven’t heard about before.

They should have canceled this festival this year.  Just said they don’t have enough good acts.

Then again, they should have cancelled SXSW almost half a decade ago, when it was no longer about undiscovered acts but major label priorities debuting their new material.

The institutions in this business are just as phony as the music.  The touring industry builds these monoliths and thinks the public cares.  The public cares about only one thing, music.  And they want to see it with like-minded people in as small a venue as they can.  Don’t ever forget it.  God, charge everybody a thousand bucks to see U2 in a club.  Not one fucking person would bitch about the price except those who didn’t get in.  Who would have ponied up the dough if they just could have had the ABILITY to buy a ticket.

At least Bonnaroo has stars.  That’s where you want to be if you care about music.  Where acts with some STAYING POWER appear.  I believe they’re stretching the concept a bit too much.  I liked it best when it was about PLAYING, about jam bands, but at least you’ve heard of the acts and they have some soul.  Like I want to see some art band whose act barely translates in a theatre in the daytime on a stage in a polo field?

The only people who are gonna send me hate mail, telling me I’m wrong, are those who went to this circle jerk in the desert.  Because they need to believe it’s cool.  So THEY’RE cool.  If it turns out they wasted all that time out in the middle of nowhere and nobody cares, they’ll be crushed.

But we don’t care.  We think you people are posers.  More into the scene than the music.  I say drop a bomb on the site and the music business will be no worse for it.  Shit, we’ll be saved the endless drivel from the Material Girl.  Madonna, are you REALLY that hard up?  That you’re playing in some tent, not even the HEADLINER?  And do you promoters really have so little soul, that you’ll bite for ANYTHING with marquee value?

That’s how we got into trouble in the first place.  By trying to appeal to everybody.

My Morning Jacket and Paul Oakenfold.  They share a lot of fans.  And the hipster who rents a condo in Palm Springs to attend this event gives a shit about James Blunt?

I’m stopping now.  Because otherwise it will give the illusion I care.

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