Dinosaurs On The Road

KISS

Cannot tour again. They reunited. Did a stadium farewell tour with the original band. They’ve said goodbye so many times I can’t keep the RETIREMENTS straight. Why does anybody want to see them before they go ANYWAY, they SUCK!

Kiss was a band for those too young to participate in the sixties. "Rock And Roll All Nite" is a great anthem, and I even like the makeup-less "Lick It Up", but will someone please inform Gene Simmons that nobody really cares (and he’s not as smart as he thinks he is?)

I believe only KISS tribute acts should be allowed to survive. And that Gene should authorize each and every one and take fifty percent of their action. I have no problem with this guy making money just so long as I don’t have to HEAR ABOUT IT!

Take the band members, and all their memorabilia, and put them in KISS Kaskets and bury them. Society will be grateful.

Paul McCartney

Can only go on the road if he DOESN’T play the hits. Weren’t the Beatles the band that invented the concept of the album cut TO BEGIN WITH?

Sure, play some obscure Beatle chestnuts.

But I’d be fine if Paul just whipped out some solo classics. Like "Letting Go", "Mamunia", "Warm and Beautiful", "Teddy Boy", "Big Barn Bed"… Can the man stop giving us what he thinks everyman is looking for and do SOMETHING for his fans? I don’t care if he performs these numbers in an arena, but he must be prevented from flashing the peace/victory sign all the goddamn time.

Lou Reed

Can only go out with the "Rock N Roll Animal" band.

ELO

One tour of small halls. Let us see it live and then put it to rest.
But, before they get it back together, can they give us one MOVE tour? With Roy Wood and the original "Do Ya", "California Man" and "Message From The Country"?

Tom Petty

Can keep on touring. Keep on doing what he’s doing. But he can’t do any more movie soundtracks or concept albums.

Chicago

Cannot go back on the road until they reunite with Peter Cetera.

Mike Love

Must be made to spend eternity in hell with Gene Simmons. But, before he leaves, he CAN go on the road, but only as Mike Love, WITHOUT the Beach Boys moniker. See how many people are interested THEN Mike!

Earth, Wind & Fire

Without Maurice White, they can’t tour under this name.

The Dead

Just call it the Grateful Dead again, won’t you? And hire a hot guitarist like Derek Trucks to fill in for Jerry. Please, give these ex-Deadheads something to do!

Phish

Should announce a Great Went-type festival for 2008. So everybody can tolerate and get off the back of Trey Anastasio in the meantime.

Bob Dylan

Must sings his songs faithfully again. This is the greatest ruse of all time. This is the emperor’s new clothes incarnate. Sure, we love the words, but if you want to lay down new grooves, why don’t you write some good new lyrics?

Simon & Garfunkel

Can go on the road only if they play small halls and tickets are under $100.

Can only tour if they have no new albums. Please, can’t we just call this the nostalgia it is?

The Rolling Stones

Can only play theatres. And can’t play "Satisfaction". Or "Start Me Up". They can charge what they want, but at least half of the set has to be comprised of songs that were never singles. AND, they must bring Mick Taylor back.

Neil Young

Can keep on doing what he’s doing.

Yes

Can keep on doing what they’re doing, but only with the original "Fragile" band. That means with Rick Wakeman and hopefully Bill Bruford (but we’ll tolerate Alan White). The reason they get a pass is ONLY fans care.

REO Speedwagon

Must tour with Gary Richrath.

Journey

Can’t be on the road using this name without Steve Perry.

Aerosmith

Must tour playing complete albums. First year, "Rocks". Then, "Toys In The Attic". Finally, "Get Your Wings". After that, they’ll be so rich and so old that they can do what they want, if anything at all. (They can play other hits at the show, but must play the album involved in order, note for note, except for added solos.)

Jimmy Buffett

MUST keep on doing what he’s doing. Otherwise the summer concert business will implode.

Garth Brooks

Must either shit or get off the pot. Either go on the road or stop teasing us and truly retire.

The Eagles

Can’t release a new record. Solo work is okay, but it can’t comprise more than a quarter of the live show.

They’re the living Beatles, and we don’t want the image tarnished with new, substandard work.

Page & Plant

Can’t reunite ANYWHERE without John Paul Jones.

Pink Floyd

MUST go on the road. This is the number one band EVERYBODY wants to see. It must be a stadium tour. Tickets must be under $100 so all the kids under twenty who want to see the band can.

By: bob | 2005/11/18 | Live Shows - Music Business | Trackback | Comments [RSS 2.0]

One Response to Dinosaurs On The Road »»

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Kathrine Eads

Comment by Kathrine Eads | 2005/11/21 at 10:12:02

Styx? Gotta say my 10 yr old and his best buddy LOVE them. His friend recently had a "Classic Rock" birthday party (turning 10) and gave all the kids a burnt CD as their parting gift….and the players?…Styx, Journey, Bowie, The Who, AC DC, and the Beatles.

You’ve got to ask the right QUESTION!

I can understand labels being upset about their wares being stolen, but is this theft the major issue? Is this really the problem? Is the glass really half-empty? Or, if you step back and look at the behavior from a different perspective does everything appear DIFFERENT?

I ask you. Do you think the mother of the ten year old above would have BOUGHT each and every attendee to her kid’s party a legit CD? I’ve never known a ten year old to have fewer than ten kids at his birthday celebration, and multiply ten times $12.99 and you’ve got $130. Was this mom really gonna lay out this bread? Furthermore, the CD her son passed out isn’t buyable at any price. It’s unique to him, customized by him, better than any NOW collection. What I see here isn’t theft, but incredible DEMAND! If I were the major labels I would be less interested in rolling back this behavior than MONETIZING IT!

Just because the major labels are tanking that doesn’t mean all that product burned and traded would have been PAID FOR! Am I really supposed to believe the kid above would have played tracks by these acts at his party and his friends would have rushed out to the store and BOUGHT CDs? No, this birthday boy was doing the labels’ work, he was TURNING PEOPLE ON!

The major labels still think it’s about terrestrial radio.

Think about that. The only format that can sell tonnage is Top Forty. And, there aren’t even forty records ON the damn format. And most of them are hip-hop or R&B. If you were running a label wouldn’t you see this as a PROBLEM? That there was nowhere to HEAR your new wares? But rather than ponder this issue, the labels would rather pick priorities, spend a fortune on marketing and hope that they get one of the very few slots. That’s why Tony Brummel’s Victory Records is such a big story, his albums are sold WITHOUT airplay, via WORD OF MOUTH! Can you imagine Atreyu on Top Forty radio? Victory empowers its fans, and the FANS sell the records.

And let me tell you something irrational. If you get turned on to something and really like it you buy the CD. I know it doesn’t make sense. But, if you BELIEVE in something, you’ve got to own the official release. Oh, you don’t need the official release of some flavor of the month, but if an act MEANS something to you you want to own the real product, so you can hold it in your hands, read the lyrics, show it to your FRIENDS when they come over.

But do I believe this behavior will last FOREVER?

No. I do think there will come a time when files will be enough, and the concert t-shirt will suffice as a badge of membership. Not bad if you’re a touring act, but if you’re a recording artist only, or a songwriter, you’re shit out of luck. Unless, the new behaviors are monetized!

The major labels have positioned themselves as the protectors of art. They frame their cause as identical to that of the artist. But this is untrue. The major labels are BUSINESSES! Businesses are only interested in the bottom line. A public company, and all of the majors ARE, only has one duty, to return a decent profit for its shareholders. As long as the behavior is not illegal, shareholders don’t care HOW this is done. They don’t care if you sell CDs of goose farts, as long as the stock goes up in value and/or they get dividends. Whereas the artist is primarily interested in having his work reach the most people possible. Sure, he wants to be paid, but this is SECONDARY to having as many people possible exposed to his music. What do you say to the marginal artist, who can’t get on MTV or Top Forty radio? Should HE be shit out of luck? Not every act signed to Sony whose music was released on a copy-protected CD is a household name. Sony is doing its best to PREVENT these acts from being successful. By deterring ripping and trading, which is how these acts are BROKEN, since they can’t get any airplay.

If I were a new recording artist, I’d be THRILLED if people were burning my CDs and trading my music. This would mean they dug it. And they’d come to see me live, I could have a career.

But, once again, the interests of the label and act are diametrically opposed. The label doesn’t get a share of road revenue. The company wants it, but almost nobody will give it to them. Because this is the money acts LIVE ON! Furthermore, with major label accounting being what it is, working for Sony would be like working for Wal-Mart, you’d have to go on public assistance to make ends meet.

But what about the aforementioned acts that don’t tour, or are superstars, and songwriters? Well, if P2P were licensed, they’d do just fine. The more people sold the music to each other, the more money these people would make.

It’s not a desperate landscape, it’s an OPPORTUNITY OF RICHES! For the labels too. What if they could sell a multiple of what they’re selling now, of a much broader selection of acts, wouldn’t that be great?

OF COURSE!

But they’d have less control. You wouldn’t need a major label to get paid. And they’re fearful of change. They like the cushy situation they had. Then again, they’re never going to have that cushy situation again. They can futilely try to stop burning and trading but this IS NOT going to motivate more people to buy more music. Just the opposite, in fact. With fewer people hearing unfamiliar, new music, fewer purchases will be made. It’s no coincidence that CD sales were at their peak at the height of the original Napster.

Burning is old technology. Akin to the VHS tape. You can tape something for somebody and take it to their house, but it’s easier (more convenient and not outrageously expensive) to subscribe to the cable channel yourself, easier to just set YOUR OWN recorder. Then again, VCRs are completely passe. Digital video recorders will be as ubiquitous as DVD players in the not too distant future. Should movie studios crack down on VHS taping?

Then again, the DVD player is about to be history. There might be a window for HD-DVD, but as computing power increases, as Internet speeds get faster, the movie will just be zapped to your house. Because it’s easier and more CONVENIENT!

But the music business is AHEAD of the movie business. TENS OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE own iPods. I’d be more concerned about getting more music ON those iPods than keeping people from filling them.

They’re not filling them at ninety nine cents a track. And if you make the CDs unrippable digitally, people will rip them analog, or burn them and then re-rip them. Stop FIGHTING the future and HARNESS IT! Labels have finally broken radio’s lock, but they just don’t REALIZE IT!

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Kathrine Eads

Comment by Kathrine Eads | 2005/11/21 at 10:12:02

Styx? Gotta say my 10 yr old and his best buddy LOVE them. His friend recently had a "Classic Rock" birthday party (turning 10) and gave all the kids a burnt CD as their parting gift….and the players?…Styx, Journey, Bowie, The Who, AC DC, and the Beatles.

You’ve got to ask the right QUESTION!

I can understand labels being upset about their wares being stolen, but is this theft the major issue? Is this really the problem? Is the glass really half-empty? Or, if you step back and look at the behavior from a different perspective does everything appear DIFFERENT?

I ask you. Do you think the mother of the ten year old above would have BOUGHT each and every attendee to her kid’s party a legit CD? I’ve never known a ten year old to have fewer than ten kids at his birthday celebration, and multiply ten times $12.99 and you’ve got $130. Was this mom really gonna lay out this bread? Furthermore, the CD her son passed out isn’t buyable at any price. It’s unique to him, customized by him, better than any NOW collection. What I see here isn’t theft, but incredible DEMAND! If I were the major labels I would be less interested in rolling back this behavior than MONETIZING IT!

Just because the major labels are tanking that doesn’t mean all that product burned and traded would have been PAID FOR! Am I really supposed to believe the kid above would have played tracks by these acts at his party and his friends would have rushed out to the store and BOUGHT CDs? No, this birthday boy was doing the labels’ work, he was TURNING PEOPLE ON!

The major labels still think it’s about terrestrial radio.

Think about that. The only format that can sell tonnage is Top Forty. And, there aren’t even forty records ON the damn format. And most of them are hip-hop or R&B. If you were running a label wouldn’t you see this as a PROBLEM? That there was nowhere to HEAR your new wares? But rather than ponder this issue, the labels would rather pick priorities, spend a fortune on marketing and hope that they get one of the very few slots. That’s why Tony Brummel’s Victory Records is such a big story, his albums are sold WITHOUT airplay, via WORD OF MOUTH! Can you imagine Atreyu on Top Forty radio? Victory empowers its fans, and the FANS sell the records.

And let me tell you something irrational. If you get turned on to something and really like it you buy the CD. I know it doesn’t make sense. But, if you BELIEVE in something, you’ve got to own the official release. Oh, you don’t need the official release of some flavor of the month, but if an act MEANS something to you you want to own the real product, so you can hold it in your hands, read the lyrics, show it to your FRIENDS when they come over.

But do I believe this behavior will last FOREVER?

No. I do think there will come a time when files will be enough, and the concert t-shirt will suffice as a badge of membership. Not bad if you’re a touring act, but if you’re a recording artist only, or a songwriter, you’re shit out of luck. Unless, the new behaviors are monetized!

The major labels have positioned themselves as the protectors of art. They frame their cause as identical to that of the artist. But this is untrue. The major labels are BUSINESSES! Businesses are only interested in the bottom line. A public company, and all of the majors ARE, only has one duty, to return a decent profit for its shareholders. As long as the behavior is not illegal, shareholders don’t care HOW this is done. They don’t care if you sell CDs of goose farts, as long as the stock goes up in value and/or they get dividends. Whereas the artist is primarily interested in having his work reach the most people possible. Sure, he wants to be paid, but this is SECONDARY to having as many people possible exposed to his music. What do you say to the marginal artist, who can’t get on MTV or Top Forty radio? Should HE be shit out of luck? Not every act signed to Sony whose music was released on a copy-protected CD is a household name. Sony is doing its best to PREVENT these acts from being successful. By deterring ripping and trading, which is how these acts are BROKEN, since they can’t get any airplay.

If I were a new recording artist, I’d be THRILLED if people were burning my CDs and trading my music. This would mean they dug it. And they’d come to see me live, I could have a career.

But, once again, the interests of the label and act are diametrically opposed. The label doesn’t get a share of road revenue. The company wants it, but almost nobody will give it to them. Because this is the money acts LIVE ON! Furthermore, with major label accounting being what it is, working for Sony would be like working for Wal-Mart, you’d have to go on public assistance to make ends meet.

But what about the aforementioned acts that don’t tour, or are superstars, and songwriters? Well, if P2P were licensed, they’d do just fine. The more people sold the music to each other, the more money these people would make.

It’s not a desperate landscape, it’s an OPPORTUNITY OF RICHES! For the labels too. What if they could sell a multiple of what they’re selling now, of a much broader selection of acts, wouldn’t that be great?

OF COURSE!

But they’d have less control. You wouldn’t need a major label to get paid. And they’re fearful of change. They like the cushy situation they had. Then again, they’re never going to have that cushy situation again. They can futilely try to stop burning and trading but this IS NOT going to motivate more people to buy more music. Just the opposite, in fact. With fewer people hearing unfamiliar, new music, fewer purchases will be made. It’s no coincidence that CD sales were at their peak at the height of the original Napster.

Burning is old technology. Akin to the VHS tape. You can tape something for somebody and take it to their house, but it’s easier (more convenient and not outrageously expensive) to subscribe to the cable channel yourself, easier to just set YOUR OWN recorder. Then again, VCRs are completely passe. Digital video recorders will be as ubiquitous as DVD players in the not too distant future. Should movie studios crack down on VHS taping?

Then again, the DVD player is about to be history. There might be a window for HD-DVD, but as computing power increases, as Internet speeds get faster, the movie will just be zapped to your house. Because it’s easier and more CONVENIENT!

But the music business is AHEAD of the movie business. TENS OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE own iPods. I’d be more concerned about getting more music ON those iPods than keeping people from filling them.

They’re not filling them at ninety nine cents a track. And if you make the CDs unrippable digitally, people will rip them analog, or burn them and then re-rip them. Stop FIGHTING the future and HARNESS IT! Labels have finally broken radio’s lock, but they just don’t REALIZE IT!