I’d be watching on broadband, it’s just that MTV’s site/broadcast IS NOT
Mac-compatible.  Time was Mac users were second-class citizens, but the Cupertino
company is now held in more esteem than this lame cable channel and its
adherents feel that anybody who doesn’t play to them just doesn’t get it, is left
behind instead of living in the present.

It’s not about video music awards, it’s about technology.  iChatAV is hipper
than this lame, piece-of-shit show.  THAT’S a connection, communicating with
another human being, not viewing celebrity wankers making an appearance to add
to the pile of cash they’re accumulating in their ever-more-brief careers.

I find it more exciting to follow the moves of Apple, Google and Microsoft
than any of the acts on this show.

I was going to go hiking, but tuning in this train-wreck had me riveted. 
It’s like watching a futuristic vision, but even the Jetsons couldn’t come up
with something so lame.

I started with the end of the pre-game.  Kurt Loder and SuChin Pak fawning o
ver the biggest concert ever.  Ever hear of Live 8?  Oh, MTV made like that
didn’t exist.

Then the show began.

1. Green Day

The sad thing is this above average band is the best thing we’ve got, our
only white/rock hope.  Where did everybody else’s balls go?  Personally, I find
Billie Joe so cute I want to cuddle him, and last time I checked I was straight.

They played their song well, but what was with the fire?  Like we’ve never
seen this before?

Then again, I liked the outfits.

2. Diddy

Let’s just call him Puffy.  Ever been to school?  Try to change your name and
you’re laughed off the playground.  Why does Sean Combs get a free pass?  Why
doesn’t the press call him on the constant name changes?  It’s not like
Muhammad Ali, there’s no religious element involved.  Rather, every time he changes
his name he gets more press.  He hasn’t done anything artistically valid
since Biggie died yet he hosts this show.  I just don’t get it.

And "rapping" to "Relax"?  I guarantee that twenty year old Frankie Goes To
Hollywood track has more excitement and more validity than anything included on
this show.  Yup, even Green Day.  "Relax" was a better record than "Boulevard
Of Broken Dreams".

And what’s up with the toothpick?  My parents used to tell me that was LOW

Then again, I guess I know nothing about fashion.  Which Diddy is going on
and on about.  Giving away his watch of a brand that I can’t imagine ANYBODY in
the audience being aware of.  Unless it’s the embalmed celebrity attendees. 
God, does Gwen Stefani look like she’d prefer to be ANYWHERE else?

And giving away $100,000 to the best-dressed.  God, has MTV devolved to the
level of radio, stunting with CASH to keep people tuned in?  And is this what
happens when the music is lame, you’ve got to focus on CASH to keep people

3. The lineup

If somebody was hip at MTV, they’d get a heritage act to appear on this show.
 Preferably Pink Floyd, who you know wouldn’t do it.  Then again, the show’s
not over yet, can Mick get by in a tour year without appearing?

If only there were a real band.  Led Zeppelin remnants.  Even the Allman
Brothers.  SOMEBODY who made it on music, not looks, who could come on and BLOW EVERYBODY AWAY??  With no stage set, no flash, just their TUNES?

There’s a strange mix of urban and TV/movie stars.  Please, please, please,
change the name of the channel to CTV, for Celebrity TV!

Urban culture moves very fast, maybe that’s why all music is now evanescent. 
The black acts of the past…it was about the tracks not the act or the live
show.  Now, it’s an urban world.

I don’t want to be racist, but where are the white acts/rock music?

Oh, that’s right.  They’ve been manipulated by the corporations.  Whereas the
black performers manipulate the corporations themselves, they’ve got the fat
cats worried they’ll whip out a gun or something…

4. Kanye West

I know hip-hop is based on braggadocio, but this is just too offensive.  This
guy really believes his shit doesn’t stink.  NOBODY’S that big, NOBODY’S that

5. The Audience

Not different from one on a game show.  Thrusting their arms in the air
before anything happens.  A groupie isn’t even this excited to have sex with a
star.  That’s today, everything’s phony.

6. Beavis & Butt-head

Not only is today’s music lame, today’s MTV is.  They brought these guys out
of mothballs.  But, stunningly, it appears they deserved to be banished,
because they’re no longer funny.

7. Hammer

Wasn’t it right around the time of his big success that things took a turn
for the worse?  Wasn’t he the guy who had the biggest record of the year and
then STIFFED, illustrating the paradigm for the business to follow?

8. The Simpson Girls

Could Ashlee have LESS charisma?

9. Star village

Managers of yore restricted personal appearances, for fear of blowing the
mystery/charisma.  It’s not only Gwen, everybody here seems to want to be
somewhere else.

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