I hate rich people. Because they’re so ENTITLED!

I’m not talking about the oligarchs, I’m referring to the everyday rich. You know, the kind of people who don’t check the gas prices, who have seven or eight figure nest eggs and…

Think they’re somehow better than the rest of us.

I don’t know what it’s rooted in. Some people have grown up wealthy, but so many others…they worked hard for their dough, they spent hours going to not only college, but graduate school. Maybe they’ve got one of those gigs where they’re legendarily overpaid, like at a movie studio. They’re the ones who are not bothered by the price tags on the clothing…you know, the hundred and fifty dollar t-shirts. All they know is they want them, and they’re under the delusion that we’re all paying attention to them and envious of them.

Go to Ralphs and everybody parks inside the lines.

Go to Whole Foods? The brand new Panamera is taking up two spaces. God forbid someone put a scratch in it. Furthermore, many people parking in this small lot are not even shopping, they’re visiting neighbors and…who cares if shoppers can’t find a space, tough noogies.

Shop at Ralphs or Kroger or whatever your local everyday market is and…no one fights for a place in line. As a matter of fact, people tend to be polite. I’m not saying that some aren’t hot and bothered, everybody can have a bad day, but they observe rules of decorum, but not at Whole Foods!

People are blocking the aisle. You say something, they don’t move. Then, you risk touching them, truly a no-no, and they look at you like you’ve interrupted the bar exam. HOW DARE YOU!

But the worst tonight was the dog. You have to bring your dog to  Whole Foods? I mean a dog in a grocery store? I thought that was illegal.

I guess not.

Can I go on record that I don’t like dogs? Well, I like some dogs, but I know too many misbehaved canines and too many people who treat their dogs like children, and if you don’t you’re a pariah. But even worse is if you’ve got a dog, you get a pass. Even better is to have a child, especially if you’re a guy, but if you’ve got a dog… Kids come up and pet it. People ask you what breed it is. Tell you how beautiful it is. Fine, BUT I’M TRYING TO SHOP!

So I’m the a*shole. I just want to get in and out, but no, I’ve got to run the gauntlet of a ZOO!

And the owner of this dog wasn’t much better… You know the type, the ones that don’t care if there’s a line, they’re going to take as long as they want, they rule.

It’s kind of like the doofuses who get to the counter at McDonald’s and start thinking about what they want. You’ve never been here before? All the time you’ve been waiting in line you couldn’t make up your mind?

And then there are the special orders… Hold this, add this… If you’re so picky, why don’t you eat at home? I mean the chef spends all this time creating delicacies and you’ve got no respect. Because you’ve got dietary restrictions that don’t square with any science, but you’re convinced you’re on the way to living past a hundred.

That’s another thing about the wealthy, they’re wacked.

Poor people go to the doctor and accept their opinion. A rich person argues. As if they know better and can beat science.

And it’s the wealthy who are into cockamamie new wave science. The west side of Los Angeles? A haven of unvaccinated children.

This is how the rich feel powerful, by rejecting conventional wisdom. They’re too good for conventional wisdom.

Forget that they have tax advantages the hoi polloi who file the standard deduction can’t benefit from…

Starting in the eighties the whole nation was tilted to the wealthy. To make it easier for them to get rich. Theory was it would trickle down to the little people. Yeah right, that never happened.

And now the rich are indignant when we call them on their sh*t.

So many people voted for Trump not because they were MAGA, but because they were sick of the rules established by those who think they know better and lord it over them.

So this woman with the dog… She’s sampling the food. Meanwhile, I just want to get a few slices of roast beef and go home. I know exactly what I want, she’s been there the better part of ten minutes.

Because I’m a rude Jew, I interrupt and ask for my beef, and you’d think I was Oliver asking for more. I mean this woman is tasting her sample, contemplating it, looking up into the ceiling lights…how long is it going to take you to slice a little beef?

And when this woman finally decides what she wants, she buys the teeniest tiniest amount possible. Meanwhile, she’s bonded with the clerk, who has deemed me a pariah.

So after I get my meat…

I want to go to the salad bar and build something minor but refreshing…

But this woman with the dog… She’s checking out every pan, every item, from the hot food to the cold. And I’m working around her, but she’s blocking me with her damn dog and I can’t get what I want.

But she’s just floating through life. Aren’t we wonderful. Let’s go do yoga and meditate. Be calm!

BE CALM? It’s a veritable rat race out there, survival of the fittest, and I don’t have to win but I’ve got to work, fight traffic, and the last thing I wanted to do was to go to the grocery store but…I needed a necessary item tonight.

And Whole Foods is the closest market.

And I’m cracking up at the tonality of all this. I wanted to do it like Bill Burr, so you’d be on my team…you know, from a distance and self-deprecating. Did you watch Bill’s latest Hulu special? It’s the delivery more than the jokes.

But instead I’ve pissed on dogs and people with expensive cars and shopping habits and…

I’m just an angry f*ck who can’t get with the program.

I guess that’s true. Those used to be the leaders in our society, the artists. Now they’re corporations afraid of alienating a potential fan. You can’t get a musician to go on record, and if anybody blows back they apologize, like a wimp.

Billionaires are worse.

But these people…