HBO Trailer: https://t.ly/8aLxv

This is pretty terrible. And to think I was looking forward to it. All you’ve got to know is they spelled Mo Ostin’s name Mo “Astin,” what’s next, TOETO?

What we’ve got here is the guys who created the web series saying that really they respect this music, which I don’t believe for a second, otherwise why make fun of it, and a bunch of irrelevant talking heads and a few of the players from the era. It’s a big fat “Behind the Music” episode, only it’s twenty five years later, and what did Bob Dylan sing, “things have changed”?

Forget that everybody streams and MAX is a lame service. If you’re not on Netflix, it’s almost like you don’t exist. No, that’s not exactly true, but I bet your inbox is not overflowing with hosannas for the new Beatles documentary, because that’s on Disney+, and unless you’re a kid or a “Star Wars” fan, there’s no need to have a subscription.

So what is yacht rock?

We can debate that.

But once we decide which acts are included and which are not…we want to go deep. Into the personalities, into the making of the records, we want complete stories telling us stuff we don’t know.

Instead this doc is a bad version of a college 101 course. A survey. About as deep as Olivia Newton-John.

Fealty is paid to Steely Dan. But then…

You can’t lionize Kenny Loggins, who did his best work with Jim Messina. What came thereafter is flavor of the moment, evanescent stuff that was made for its day and is a curio now. Whereas those Steely Dan songs…THEY’RE FOREVER!

What inspired them… They’ve got Gary Katz, they’ve got Jay Graydon testifying as to playing the solo on “Peg”… But we want to go much deeper.

The members of Toto played on so many records, wrote so many songs, but all we’ve got here is “Rosanna” and “Africa” and “Thriller,” with a little Boz Scaggs thrown in.

Yes, there is information here, but unless you’re brain dead, if you lived through the era you’ll learn almost nothing.

This doc is made for those too young to have experienced it firsthand. But it’s too lame to create word of mouth. It’s not the Motley Crüe movie and it’s certainly not the “We Are the World” movie, which was fantastic, despite the song being so lame. “The Greatest Night in Pop” set the scene and painted beyond the numbers. Huey Lewis’s fear, the endless session so deep into the night that it became morning. The genius of Quincy Jones.

But here…

Do I really give a f*ck what Bethany Cosentino has to say about yacht rock? Of course not, this is a paint-by-numbers production that needed a young female musician, and she fit the bill. Couldn’t they at least get a woman famous for her playing?

And I must admit Questlove ultimately says some good things, but he’s so damn overexposed. He’s become a joke just like Michael McDonald back in the day. McDonald’s on EVERY record? Questlove’s in EVERY documentary?

And then we’ve got the rock critics who finally get to be on camera, before they retreat to their parents’ basement, where they truly live.

I mean what is this documentary supposed to be about?

The web series? That would be interesting, and the creator Huey’s got some good words here, but that’s just the framework. We know nothing about the personalities, what did they expect, did they make any money, what are they doing today?

And rock critics philosophizing… That’s like asking your kid about quantum mechanics. Way out of their league.

And then you’ve got the music and those who made it. Michael McDonald is pretty good. As is Christopher Cross. But so many of the players are absent.

And then there’s the endless drivel about the sound being embraced by the Black community. They’ve got multiple Black people saying this, but not one white. The producers are bending over backwards here, it’s all about surface, it’s all about the scorecard as opposed to the je ne sais quoi of how this music came to be and what it represents.

Yacht rock evolved from…

In the early seventies being able to play was a badge of honor. We had Rick Wakeman and other classically trained musicians. And recording went to 24 tracks. And records threw off so much money you could spend eons in the studio getting it right. And the boomers had licked their wounds after the Vietnam war and were looking to have fun, had become hedonists.

But this music was not made on a lark. Rather those who created it were talented and serious. But this documentary is not serious.

Then again, it was made under the aegis of Bill Simmons, who made an overall deal with HBO, flopped on camera and is ultimately responsible for this POS. It’d be like having Steve Lukather executive produce a documentary on the 1988 World Series.

Today you’re narrow and deep, not broad and surface. You could get away with this when there were so few channels. Now if it’s a trifle, no one is interested. You’ve got to go deep. A multi-part documentary on the acts of yacht rock… That would have people talking. Or the arc of web series, those who created the initial ones and how it did or did not pay off for them.

I want to dig down deep.

And I want respect for the era I lived through.

That does not mean you have to only say good things about the past, but at least involve those who lived through it. Other than the musicians, everybody involved here is a youngster. Which bugs me about rock history, it’s being written by those who weren’t there.

You won’t hate this documentary, but you’ll want your hour and a half back. You might learn a couple of things, glean a few nuggets, but…

This is AM in a world that is no longer even FM.

These acts, like Steely Dan, occasionally they were embraced by AM radio, but if you look at what else was on the chart at the time, a lot of it was drivel. There was exploration involved in these tunes And there’s only passing mention of disco. Not how the music got so slick, became so common denominator that punk came along and then the whole industry cratered before MTV resuscitated it.

I wanted more. I was looking forward to this.

But there’s nothing here to see.

Don’t bother.