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I got addicted to this book. Which is kind of funny, I could never fathom Rachel Kushner before. I read her “Flamethrowers” and I’m not sure I even understood it. Oh, I got the big picture, but the little picture, the photographs inside the movie, it felt like reading “Ulysses,” albeit much shorter.

I’m looking for fulfillment, zing. Ordinary doesn’t interest me. And with so little sand left in the hourglass, I become paralyzed, by choice. I don’t want to waste time on mediocre, I don’t want to feel like I’m just passing time, I want to eat up life.

I’ve always wanted to eat up life, I’ve always had my sights aimed at the top. And I thought everybody was like me but this turned out to be untrue.

I didn’t have a desire to get married. I didn’t want to settle down. I wanted to do stuff, I didn’t want to watch my kids do stuff. I didn’t want to sacrifice. I didn’t get the kids thing until I was over forty, I actually proffered to my sometime to be ex that we have some, little did I know she was screwing somebody else, I’ve only realized as time has gone by that honesty was not her forte.

But then the window passes. At least it passed me by. I’ve still got the equipment, but I don’t wan to be like Tony Randall, have kids when I’m almost eighty.

But the deeper you go, the longer you stick around, the less meaning life has. You think it’s building to a crescendo, when in truth it’s going to fade out, peter out, and you can see the end coming and nobody else cares because it’s the way of life, everybody dies.

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time. That’s what James Taylor sang. Back when we were all paying attention, when one album could reach everybody. Before life became a smorgasbord of offerings with no center. Do you find this confusing? I certainly do. There’s not enough time to dig deep and get the lay of the landscape, never mind the fact that they’re constantly releasing new product. All you can do is go on your own private hejira, and it better have meaning for you, because it has no meaning for anybody else.

So I felt like I was reading to kill time. Well, not exactly. Let me put it another way, I felt like when I was done reading a book I had killed time. And they’re not making any more of it.

So I decided to read the Top Ten lists, looking for stuff I’d missed that I wanted to read.

And when I got back to 2018, I found “The Mars Room.”

Boy did they make a big deal about it when it was released. They even had a special section of the “Times” where a portion was published. You don’t want to overhype these days. And the funny thing is it’s nonfiction that bursts out of the gate, fiction needs a while to percolate in the marketplace. Readers have to find it and trumpet it and then word of mouth happens. Or it does not. “The Mars Room” was not as successful commercially as it was predicted to be. It was backlash. Also, the looky-loos gave it a try and found out that Kushner was anything but highly readable, you had to focus, you couldn’t be interrupted, you had to commit to get the dividends, which is not how so many read books these days. They read the junk, which is more about turning pages, which they can finish quickly. Or they read the tomes, and take a whole summer to finish them.

So I had “The Mars Room” on my Kindle. My mother had purchased it for one of her book groups. I don’t think she ever read it. Oh, did I tell you my mother was dead? Kind of freeing if you want to know the truth. I check myself constantly. When I start seizing, freezing up, I realize that my mother is buried and that her judgment is irrelevant! It’s just me now.

That’s another thing. All the regrets I’ve had (and if you don’t have any you’re lying). We all misstep. But then you realize the person you offended, the person you mishandled, the person you’d want to make peace with even though you’re not going to make the effort, is DEAD! It just doesn’t matter anymore. And soon you’ll be dead too.

So I read on a Kindle. I’ve got the Oasis, the top of the line. Actually, now there’s a cheaper, newer one with more battery life, but it doesn’t have the page turning buttons, and the buttons enhance the reading experience.

And the thing about the Kindle is e-ink is not like a computer screen, it’s like a book. Whereas an iPad… That is like a computer screen, and it’s supposedly harder on the eyes, although you can turn on Night Shift after dark, which yellows the screen, supposedly so you can still fall asleep, but it’s a completely different reading experience, one that I pooh-pooh. But I found myself reading an OCD book on the iPad last year and it worked. And I was using both my iPhone and iPad to check out books, to research what to read, and then I told myself… Why don’t I try reading “The Mars Room” on my iPad. Maybe that will make the difference. Because I’ve started “The Mars Room” at least twice and didn’t get far past the first page.

The iPad is bigger. Even though the Oasis has at least one more line than the rest of the Kindles. The iPad is essentially a page per page, i.e. one book page equals one book page in the Kindle app on the iPad, whereas this is not the case on the Kindle, and that’s frustrating, because you turn the “page” and yet you’re still on the same page.

And lo and behold I could suddenly get into it! The book, “The Mars Room,” I’m talking about.

And then I couldn’t stop.

Well, this was after I realized I had to put the iPad in Airplane Mode, otherwise I’d read something and it would stimulate me and I’d go on the web to research it and that would inspire me to research something else and…

I hate the weekends, I like the action of the weekdays. Funny how you can blow time on the weekend that you’d love to have back during the week.

So I’m reading and when I stop “The Mars Room” is calling to me, it’s giving me something to live for. And we all need something to live for. And it’s even better if it’s private, just for us.

That’s the magic of “The Mars Room.” It’s off the grid. As in it doesn’t fit into everyday society, the modern world. It’s ultimately a prison story. Very detailed. But prisoners exist in a parallel universe, akin to the one you want to visit when you read. You want to be taken away, you want to marinate in a space that only you and the book inhabit, YOU WANT TO OWN IT!

Yes, that’s what we’re looking for in all our entertainment, something we can own.

Let me give you a few examples.

Like “You Can Count On Me,” I love that movie. Or “Something Wild.”

And it doesn’t matter that everybody knows it, Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” you can own too, because of her honesty, her directness, she’s only playing to herself, you’ve got a window into her world, it feels personal.

Now when you work outside the system, try to create a personal experience, a transcendent experience, the suits at the entertainment companies are not interested. Because there are none of the obvious hooks, nothing to pre-sell the project on, get people interested.

Back before entertainment truly became big business that was not an issue. But now all anybody wants are grand slams, even a single is not good enough, never mind a bunt. But one bunt can change the whole game. It’s unexpected, it’s nearly sotto voce, unlike a home run it pulls everybody in, quickly, while the runners hustle around the bases.

But most players bunt poorly. It’s an easy out. But when you do it right…

So you’ve got Romy, who is serving two life sentences. I don’t think I’m giving anything away here. How do you cope knowing there’s no way out.

And the crooked cop.

And the cast of characters behind bars.

Kushner does an excellent job of portraying the other universe of incarceration. How much food you can eat, the attitude of the guards, the inmate society. There’s no way you can stand alone, above the fray. You’re dragged in. And you’re gonna break the code, everybody does. And the population helps you. You see what they’ve got and you want some too.

And it’s kind of like football. The dear departed John Madden said you play one game in the NFL and your body will never be the same. Go to jail for a while, not the holding tank, not county, and you’re never going to recover, even if you get out and never go back.

You see now, more than ever, people like to believe we’re not animals at heart, that there are morals, rules, that it’s not every person for themselves. But that’s the way it really is. If it’s between them and you they’re going to choose themselves, they may not even hip you to the contest, they want every advantage they can get.

And love/sex/relationships. That’s what makes the world go ’round. You regularly hear about guards falling in love with prisoners and helping them escape. The truth is if you live in a closed environment…people are just people and you’re gonna be infatuated, fall in love with them. You think you’re holding out for the movie star, the rich and famous person, but it really comes down to who you’re around. Which is one reason why you should hang around with the kind of people you want to be married to, or do business with. The fact that marriage in the U.S. is based on bumping into people in bars is ridiculous. As for the apps… Hell, play enough and you might find someone, but many people are delusional, they think they can create a checklist of what they want, not knowing the problem is THEM!

So I’m not recommending “The Mars Room.” I just don’t think most people will like it. Hell, most people are doing their best to stay connected to society, they don’t want to step aside and get out of the fray.

But that’s where the rewards lie.

Only when you get outside of life can you really see it.

So “The Mars Room” proved to me that some books are better than others, some records are better than others, ditto movies and TV. Sure, we all have access to the same creative tools, but some people are just more skilled, they can do it better than the rest.

And those at the top are not competing. Because in truth, in art, you’re only competing against yourself. You’re doing your best to get what’s in your head, your emotions, your feelings, down. That’s the key to excellence, plot is secondary.

So you wonder why it’s a blockbuster culture. Because there’s a limited amount of great stuff!

Is “The Mars Room” perfect? No. A bogus leave-you-hanging ending, like in too much vaunted fiction. If you’re looking for ultimate resolution, this is not the place, go for the lowbrow stuff. And the ending makes sense, but really, I’d like a whole ‘nother book, kind of like Franzen, with his new “Crossroads” trilogy.

“Crossroads” is excellent. Too bad Franzen himself is so self-satisfied he turns people off. I highly recommend it. It’s highly readable.

“The Mars Room” is something different. Maybe because it’s written by a woman. Deborah Tannen says women don’t compete. Of course there are exceptions, but reading “The Mars Room” you don’t get the feeling that Kushner is trying to create something that will reach everybody, that will be crowned as the latest and greatest. Well, I don’t know Rachel, but the book doesn’t read that way. It reads like someone got an idea, pursued it, and then laid it down, finished it. It’s a project. And most projects go nowhere, because the people behind them are just not good enough.

This is what artist wannabes don’t realize. We’re not looking for entertainment, we’re looking for life itself, our lives reflected back upon us, insight. And it’s very hard to do this. And if you ever met some of the people who can achieve this, your jaw would drop, so many are maladjusted. But they can do this one thing.

I guess my only hope here is you read the above and get an impression of the experience I had reading “The Mars Room.” Which I just finished. In three days. Well, forty eight hours. Screw the plot, it’s irrelevant. A book can be about anything. But does it transport you, make you feel like a human being, that life is worth living. Does it set your mind free to wander, put together links you didn’t see previously. Ultimately does it make you feel less alone?

That’s how I felt reading “The Mars Room.”

Your mileage may differ. I’d proffer most people’s mileage will differ.

But who cares about most people?