1

Sean went from West Hollywood to Malibu for twelve bucks.

I’m on the cusp of being able to drive my own car. The doctor said I’ll be done healing in two weeks, and then the strengthening begins. This has been quite an ordeal. I’m used to surgeries where you start off the worst and then gradually get better. Here, you heal and then… I’m going to physical therapy, we had a breakthrough on Monday, she can lift my arm back a hundred and twenty degrees. But there’s still pain.

So when I can’t get Felice’s car, I’m Ubering.

Now relative to the cost of this ordeal, this operation, any Uber rides I take are de minimis. That’s what they don’t tell you about the health care system, that even if you have insurance it’s expensive. I’ve got a two thousand dollar deductible, I’ve met that…but you get bills from doctors you didn’t even know existed, who helped out in the operating room, inserting the bovine patch, I got a bill for that too and…

All’s to say I guess I shouldn’t worry about the price of Uber.

But I do.

And when Sean told me he uses Uber Pool and not only is it cheap but there’s usually no one else along for the ride…

I decided to take the plunge. Especially now that I don’t have to wear my sling, now that I’m less uptight about sharing the back seat with another person.

Yesterday I rode from Sherman Oaks to Beverly Hills for $6.59.

Even better, I rode back in TRAFFIC, on the freeway, for five bucks.

And there was no one else along.

But today I couldn’t get a pickup. The app kept requesting and twice drivers accepted and then rejected. So, if you’re in a hurry, maybe Uber Pool isn’t the best option. Or maybe, it’s just that you can’t count on it for a pickup.

And like everything else in life, the price will go up.

But right now, it’s a bargain.

2

On the way back from lunch with Craig Kallman, who regaled me with stories of Atlantic breakthroughs, most notably Melanie Martinez, who sold 500,000 copies of her album despite getting no airplay, I got into the Civic of an Indian man and the windows were down, the radio was blasting and the seat was pushed back. Should I say something?

He’s gonna pay in gas if the A/C is on. And he’s been driving all day long, is he really gonna want to listen to me call my mom?

But my mother wasn’t there, so I got this guy’s story.

His wife died of cancer. Three years ago. He was working in the clothing business, but now he’s staying home, he’s looking after his seventeen year old daughter.

Now it’s amazing what people will tell you. He worked for a company and then opened his own. He was grossing 500k and netting 200k. Pretty good money! All his expenses were deductible, mostly going to trade shows and renting booths and paying or hotels. And the billing? Thirty days! Oftentimes people just gave him their credit card and he sat on the number for a month. Had he ever been beaten? A couple of times, but that’s the cost of doing business.

I never did ask him to roll up the windows. I had enough legroom. He turned down the radio when we began to talk. Driving was like the early sixties, when no one had A/C and we’d roll along with the wind in our hair, cooling off, not cocooned but feeling nature. It was a refreshing twist.

3

Today’s driver was from Honduras. He used to work in quality control, but the company was sold and he lost his job and now he’s driving Uber…this was his third day!

And his car was tiny, a Chevy Aveo. I was worried about getting squashed like a bug on the freeway. But Roberto was oh-so-nice.

You see he had bladder cancer. And went to the U.S. for treatment. He was cured, but it cost him a fortune to bring the rest of his family here.

And now, he’s starting a church. He’s been a pastor for ten years.

He wanted to know if I was a Christian.

Oh no, here we go.

I decided to tell him I was Jewish. And he lit up! HE was a quarter Jewish! On his mother’s side. They’d come from Spain to Honduras, he’d done the genealogy, his church had advised it, and when he saw his relatives printed out he cried.

And there began an intertwining of religion and personal traumas.

He peed blood. His wife prayed for him. He believed the cancer had come back, after all, it had once spread throughout his body. But his doctor, a saint, Carmen somebody or other, told him he was cancer free, that it was just an infection, it was a miracle!

But he was supposed to be dead anyway.

You see he’d been in Ecuador on a sales trip, before he moved to the States, and he’d gotten sick and missed his flight and the plane had crashed. Everybody died, I could look it up.

4

And now I was getting wary. After my appointment in Brentwood I didn’t know if Uber Pool would pick me up.

But I got a ride right away.

At least that’s what the app said.

And I’m tracking the car, and it’s a block away, and then it turns away.

Okay. This is why they call it “Pool,” he’s going to pick someone else up. And it was a he, I could see in the app.

And I’m thinking Uber Pool is for people with a lot of time, who favored money over everything else, I figured I was done.

But the car never stopped. It kept twisting and turning down the roads as if in a video game. What was happening?

And then I saw the Civic a block away, with its lights flashing. Obviously it was stopping to pick up someone at the restaurant. I didn’t have to get home right away, but I’m not that cheap, this is ridiculous.

But finally the car pulled up to me.

And there was no one in it.

You see I was traveling with Mister Magoo. A septuagenarian in a ball cap who could barely see over the console.

And he spoke like Gilbert Gottfried when he imitates Groucho Marx. You’ve heard that on Howard, right?

And I’m wondering whether to give him directions or let him go his own way. You see drivers are addicted to Waze, but sometimes the app adds unneeded complication. Meanwhile, re Waze, how come my app doesn’t allow me to eliminate hazardous intersections and everybody else’s does? There’s a choice under “Navigation” in their apps that I don’t see. So when I get to Sunset without a light I don’t have to make a left. The amazing thing about the technology economy is there are no answers, no one to ask for help. You Google and you Google and sometimes…you come up with nothing, no explanation at all.

I decide to let Victor go his own way. And find out he’s been driving for Uber for three years. You see, he needs the money. He retired, but now he’s got grandchildren, and it’s so much harder to make it today, costs are through the roof and you can’t depend on the company and…

Tell me about it.

He’s from Ecuador. Emigrated to the U.S. and then enlisted in the armed forces. Wait a minute, at that age, did he go to Vietnam?

Indeed he did. Was over there for a year. Worked in the medical tent.

But I couldn’t get much more out of him, the degree to which he was affected by the experience. But I did learn he goes back to Ecuador every three years, although so many have moved on. His sister to Venezuela and then to Spain. His friend to Argentina. You go where the money is, everybody’s trying to get along.