Baby Boomer Dilemmas

Can’t understand how you can be on TV but no one can see you. Having grown up with three channels, baby boomers can’t fathom five hundred. Gene Simmons trumpets the run of his “Family Jewels” show and it’s not even a footnote, to quote the Eagles, it’s already gone, and to quote Blondie, it certainly is not fading away and radiating.

Can’t understand why what was important to them is unimportant to their children, like Blondie.

Lament the fact that their favorite artists don’t put out new music but when it’s released they don’t want to buy it or stream it, and if it’s played in concert, they go to the bathroom.

Can’t understand why anybody would want to stay to the end of anything, because of the TRAFFIC!

Have all the latest gadgets but barely know how to use them.

Were brought up by hands-off parents and have counterbalanced this with being incredibly hands-on themselves. As if they don’t talk or text with their children multiple times a day, and their kids don’t check in with them to demonstrate they’ve arrived, they’ll wander off into the universe and die. We made it without our elders, why wouldn’t our children be able to make it without us?

Can’t square looking good with feeling bad. All the hogwash about fifty being the new thirty and sixty being the new forty has convinced them that they’re breaking the laws of science, but the truth is people break down, everybody does, and then they die.

Think their children are entitled, when the truth is every baby boomer alive believed they were entitled.

Can’t understand why anybody would want to stand at a concert. Ooh, my aching bones!

Want to do Netflix marathons but still want to be anti TV.

Still believe music can change the world, even though this hasn’t been the case since 1969 and the younger generations have no memory of this.

Want to drive foreign cars while their children are open to American ones, didn’t their progeny get the message, that Japanese automobiles don’t break and German ones have status?

Believed in acceptance during “Woodstock” and now won’t even accept themselves, they’re running for facelifts and Botox and want nothing to do with anybody of a lower social status.

Remember when the country was dominated by the middle class and can’t understand income inequality, it’s boomers this issue appeals to.

Were into the Great Society but now don’t want to pay tax, especially if the benefits don’t flow to them.

Couldn’t wait to get their drivers’ licenses but their kids can be in their twenties without them.

Believed boilable vegetable bags by Green Giant were the future only to find out fresh and local was.

Love vinyl, but sold all of theirs during the CD revolution.

Saw Florida as a geriatric graveyard and now can’t wait to move there.

Remember when Manhattan was the epicenter of the arts, before it became the epicenter of money.

Thought college was where you grew up and learned something as opposed to overpaying for an entry ticket to a job.

Can’t understand why you can’t get a good ticket. When you lined up in the morning, tickets were good. When you sit in your underwear at 10 AM clicking on Ticketmaster, you’re lucky to get a ticket at all.

Think because they’re old they can’t get STDs, but they’re growing amongst the aged.

Believe erectile dysfunction doesn’t apply to them.

Won’t talk about vaginal dryness.

The women are thinner than they were in school, the men are heavier.

Can no longer recognize the people in “People.”

Still believe in government, and that their voice and vote counts.

Remember when Manhattan was dangerous.

Remember TV shows that you can look up in Wikipedia, but you can’t see anywhere.

Can remember when almost nobody had flown in an airplane, as opposed to flying on a whim.

Are cheap. They’re the ones carrying their bags on board as opposed to paying to fly them underneath.

Realize opportunity has slipped through their fingers. But are still dreamers nonetheless, as if it’s only a matter of time before their fairy godmother descends from the heavens and gives them everything they want.

Lament they didn’t go to school during the hook-up era. Free love was nothing like this.

Know you can freeze your eggs, but having children after forty is strenuous.

Know that you work ever harder for less money.

Remember when companies were loyal.

Won’t wear hearing aids and glasses because of vanity, it’s going to be hard to communicate with them in the future.

Go to the movies to get out of the house as opposed to having something they need to see, otherwise Saturday night would look like the rest of the week, endless television.

Were fed by their mothers every night growing up, but have now become accustomed to takeout.

Can Google for basic information, but can’t go deep. A baby boomer has no idea their whole life is online, even if they’ve got an unlisted phone number.

Don’t need the best, but their children do.

Want to own, not rent, whether it be a house or music.

Remember when you didn’t buy a car with electric windows because they were gonna break, now tech never breaks.

Remember when you fixed stuff, now you just throw it out and buy a new one.

Want manufacturing to come back to the U.S., but still want cheap electronics.

Can’t understand hip-hop, never could.

Are all about designer logos even though they abhorred them when young.

Laughed at people with hairpieces but are now getting toupees.

Think the young are clueless, even though when they were growing up, they believed they knew everything.

Comments are closed