Selling files in a streaming world is like asking me to give up my Tesla for a bicycle. A bigger bicycle that doesn’t exist that you want me to pay for on spec.

Can everybody stop begging? Crowdfunding is so two years ago. Know anybody with a Pebble watch? What a disappointment. Oh, they keep on improving the product, but the early adopters, the ones who pledged on Kickstarter, they got screwed, and Samsung’s product is superior, and also recently upgraded, so if you want me to lay my money down so you can get the support no VC will give you, I’ll pass.

There are no unsigned bands who got screwed by the major label system. That was the fallacy that was supposed to be eradicated by the Internet. You know, a plethora of badasses who the major labels just couldn’t understand were gonna rise like a phoenix and revolutionize not only the business, but our ears. But it turns out Lorde was signed before adolescence and Jason Flom flew to New Zealand for American rights and if you don’t think the majors are scouring the world for anything good, and signing it up if it has commercial potential, you don’t have an Internet connection and believe everybody deserves a chance.

So here we’ve got alta-kacher Neil Young wanting us to believe he’s a tech king. I’m not sure WME and CAA can figure out tech investment, but artist Young has got it mainlined. Why does everybody think they can do everything? What next, is Neil Young gonna join the NBA? Are sixty year olds gonna dominate at Wimbledon? Face it, you’re lucky if you can be world-class at one thing.

And now I’ve got a single device that lets me play music, surf the web, talk, text, stream music and files…and Neil says I’ve got it all wrong, I’ve got to go back ten years and get a single player, that looks chunky in the pics, so I can get higher quality audio. Why don’t you just lobby for a faster Internet connection, so I can get hi-res streams? Isn’t Google Fiber gonna wipe you out? Do you really want me to go back in time fifteen years when MP3s were cool? What next, a return to BlackBerry, because it had a keyboard and it was such a good e-mail device?

But you can’t even show me a finished product. And even though you’re a rich rock star (aren’t they all?) you can’t pay for it, I have to. And that means very few people will, and I’ll end up with a paperweight.

No thanks.

But every media outlet in the world is covering this story, as if it has meaning. But it doesn’t.

Oh, they’ll review Neil Young’s new record too, but no one will buy that either. Oh, a few might stream it, but then move on, because he hasn’t made memorable music since “Greendale,” and that’s cutting him a break.

Do I want high quality music on the run?

Of course!

But portable turntables never broke through.

And neither will Pono.