They can’t be rich so they want to be famous.

That’s what you can’t understand. Why you’re inundated with the “artwork” and musings of boring people whose only asset is the megaphone known as the Web.

It’s comical to watch. The underclass infects the Internet with reams of data and the oldsters complain that no one’s paying attention to them anymore. People only pay attention to those who can make them famous.

They don’t want news. They just want instruction on how to be known.

Once upon a time you studied for a faceless career.

Now your goal is to get a profile, to be invited to the party, if you’re lucky, get rich.

But the truth is you can’t get rich without having a rich parent or paying a ton of dues. And that’s just too hard for most people. But most people can afford a computer, a mobile phone and Internet access. And even though they might delusionally believe the end result will be cash, they’ve seen enough reality stars crash and burn to know that’s not really possible, they’re happy being a footnote in the culture.

Everybody wants to be somebody.

I want to be somebody too.

And they make it look so easy. What do Snooki and JWoww have that I don’t. Maybe bigger breasts, but I can fix that, that’s easier than getting a good score on the LSAT, then again, you can owe $300,000 to the bank and end up with a law degree that won’t get you a job.

What came first? The end of the American Dream or the Internet?

Maybe both.

In the eighties it was all about wealth. If Michael Milken had raised cash in the sixties and seventies, no one would have known his name. But learning he’d made half a billion dollars in a single year…that got people’s attention. Suddenly, all those kumbaya baby boomers cast aside their care for the common man, their so-called brothers, and decided to get some for themselves. Didn’t matter how you made your money as long as you had it. And you spent it on ever bigger homes and automobiles.

And then these self-focused nitwits had children. And not only told them they were geniuses, but that they could do whatever they wanted, greatness was at their fingertips, whereas when I grew up if my dad wasn’t hitting me, he certainly didn’t constantly remind me I was a winner, nothing of the sort, he kept telling me what  a big bad world it was out there and that I needed to be prepared, I needed to go to college so he wouldn’t have to worry about me when he was gone.

But that was back when college cost one tenth of what it does now. And you went to enrich yourself intellectually as opposed to getting job training. Yup, today parents call their kids’ colleges and complain. Can you imagine that in the seventies? Then again, professors were distant, they didn’t have e-mail addresses, you went to school so far away you were lucky to speak to your parents once a week, instead of connecting multiple times a day as kids do now.

So if you’re texting your mom ten times a day, asking her how to do the laundry and make macaroni, do you really expect to graduate and be ignored?

You can’t get a job. That’s for the chosen few. And despite the work being so boring, they’re seen as heroes. You work at a bank, how lucky! Whereas bankers were buffoons on sitcoms in the sixties.

So you use the tools at your disposal to…

Spam the universe. Tell people how important you are. Will yourself to a success you’re not sure the character of but believe you’re fully entitled to.

And those not playing the game are seen as losers. Not even the art chicks of yore. In a society of winners and losers you’ve got to be the former, otherwise you’ve got no friends.

So everyone’s got a song or an app or a blog and they’re constantly inundating the rest of us with missives all about it.

And the end result is the rich pull even further away from the poor. Because the rich are educated and the poor are not. And the rich conserve their money and the poor think an ATM card represents an unlimited account.

Media institutions can’t fathom it. Don’t people want to read the work of experts in newspapers? Of course not, they’ve got no control over the paper, they’d rather read the words of the social studies student with the popular affairs blog. And the TV stations can’t understand the success of the YouTube stars, who seemingly have no talent and little story. But these clips are instructional, they point the way to success for their viewers, a path much easier than convincing overpaid suits that they deserve airtime on their dying channels.

And as a result of this worthless cultural tsunami, those who rise above are bigger than ever. We only have time for hit musicians, hit TV shows, hit movies. Otherwise you’re seen as part of the great sea of wannabes, and no one wants to attach themselves to that.

In other words, in the Internet era it’s harder to make it than ever before. Sure, you can start on your own, but the road to success is a gauntlet no one has the patience for and few have the skills to navigate. You can get a bunch of Facebook friends and Twitter followers, but then you hit a wall, you’ve hit the cyber-ceiling. Unless you get on a reality program, you’re never going to rise above.

Unless you’re supremely talented. And work hard.

But despite the protestations of tens of millions that they embody these qualities the truth is they do not. Because not everybody can play for the Yankees, not everybody can go up against LeBron.

But that’s what’s great about music and art, unlike sports they’re not easily quantifiable, if you hit a roadblock you don’t question yourself but those impeding your progress, they just don’t get it, they’re haters, you’ll show them. Whereas a 5’2″ paraplegic would never say he could star in the NBA. Oh, he could be a fan, but now that’s not good enough, because you’re on the sidelines, you can’t get on the court, and you can’t afford a ticket to the game anyway, you’re closed out, better to play in the unrestricted arena known as the Web.

We’ll look back at these days with wonder, how we endured such a chaotic, incomprehensible society. Just like we think back to the days of AOL, never mind chat, never mind all the other detritus in the ditch by the side of the information superhighway.

Some things are immutable. Education and talent and perseverance are king. And the best marketing can’t sell a lousy product.

But try telling this to today’s generation.

You can’t. BECAUSE YOU’RE PISSING ON THEIR DREAM!