“Taking Chances”

The problem with singer-songwriters is they’ve got to compete with Joni Mitchell. I can only play one record at one time, if they don’t measure up to those of the Canadian icon, I won’t continue to spin them. You see music is not graded on a curve. Good is not good enough. We just want great.

And this is great.

I’m taking chances

It’s harder to do as you get older. You think about the desired outcome, but you don’t want to take the risk. But what’s that old cliche, “no risk, no reward?”

I wear my heart on my sleeve

As Joni always did. But this is different. Joni always came from a place of confidence. Abra Moore is singing from an opposite space.

I want to slide, slide under the big sky
Who’s gonna take care of me

That’s what we all want. To be taken care of. To feel safe. Some get through on bluster. Others were never taken care of themselves and expect nothing. But the rest of us… We’re looking for a relationship where we’re known and accepted, one that won’t unexpectedly end. Used to be marriage was a guarantee. Now even that’s untrue. You can be lying in bed confident that things are going swimmingly and your spouse can already be checked out. Hell, it happened to me!

I’m not sure if I really want to

The self-help books tell you to put one foot in front of the other without thinking. There’s no heart, no emotion. But last time I checked, we were human beings. With past hurts and foibles, who are fearful of losing what we’ve already got, being pushed even further back on the board game of life.

I’m not sure what it all means

What I always say is I’ve got more questions than answers. And if you don’t agree with this, chances are we’ll have a hard time connecting. I’m constantly reevaluating my life, both interior and exterior. I’m on a search for meaning. And when it’s either absent or waning, I sink.

I just want somebody to talk to
Talk to me

Eureka! That’s it! I’ve been hurt so much, it’s hard for me to open up. Oh, I’ll ask you a zillion questions, and I’m truly interested, but you’ll know we’ve connected if I suddenly expound exuberantly, if my brain is popping and I’m digressing and I can’t shut up. I think no one is listening. Hell, they rarely ask. As Joni sang, I come for conversation.

I’m taking chances
And I’m talking carelessly
And I’m walking backwards into the future
This world is getting too deep

It usually happens unconsciously. Suddenly I’m off and running. Telling you too much. I’m in too deep. But that’s when I’m walking forwards into the future. But I hate to admit it, I’m usually walking backwards. The future keeps coming when my only desire is to stop time, to lick my wounds, to plot out a reasonable course. Then obligations pile up, opportunities evaporate, I age and have regrets. Hell, if I could only get rid of my fears, if I could only eat up life.

I’m not sure if I really want to
I’m not sure what this all means
I just want somebody to hold on
Hold me

Holding on, holding me, those are two different things. Don’t give up. I’m committed, are you? But when it comes to physical interaction…I’ve got problems in that area. You see I come from a no touch family. Hugs were verboten. I’m working on it…

I keep fallin’, I keep fallin’ and I keep fallin’
And I keep tumbling under the deep, deep
All I can do now is give up the whole thing

Whew! That’s me! My anxiety, my fear of rejection, my innate reluctance to take chances has me pulling away just as I’m getting involved. I’m worried about sacrificing myself, losing myself, not being able to get back to where I started, meanwhile, I’m in foreign territory, everything is both meaningful and meaningless.

I’m not sure if I really want to
And I’m not sure what this all means, anymore
I’m taking chances
I’m taking chances
I’m taking chances
I’m taking chances

Oh, once I commit I definitely want to. I might be insecure, but both feet are in. But then I think I’m standing on quicksand and I start reevaluating. But taking chances is so EXHILARATING!

And all of the foregoing would be irrelevant if the music wasn’t just as good as the words, hell, better! This is what happens when you throw out convention and do it your way. Stop worrying about hits and getting it right. “Taking Chances” is acoustic, yet anything but wimpy. It hearkens back to my favorite Wendy Waldman tracks from the seventies. The intensity penetrates instantly and bonds you. And the electric accents don’t dominate, but add meaning. And when she starts singing about falling…the track amps up, as if she’s going over a waterfall. And then it’s calm again.

On my fantasy radio show, “Taking Chances” is Top Ten.

“Pull Away”

Here comes that love again and it just won’t stop
So we try to be together
Spend all of a lifetime
Trying to find the love we’ve got
Can we try to stay together
As we pull away
As we pull away
As we pull away
As we pull away

I think it’s easier if you marry your first love, or get hitched in an arranged marriage. Because that first breakup of an extended live-in relationship is so brutal. She knows every nook and cranny of your personality, your pluses and minuses. For the first time in your life, someone knows you better than your family. But it just can’t last. You’ve got to give up what you’ve got to find something better, an improved fit.

And it’s so sad. But one partner, and it’s always one who wants to move on, anybody who tells you breakups are mutual is either lying or ignorant, is driven by an inner force to find his or her own way. And some are weak, they wait for someone else to come along so they’ll never be alone. Because after you’ve been together, the loneliness kills.

And who will we call at the end of the day
When I check the machine will it be your name

At least there are machines. Before this, you stayed home… Hoping, praying they’d call. Even though you knew you couldn’t.

And after that, you’d stare at the machine as if you could will a phone call. But the phone never rang. There were no messages. Until you’d finally given up. And then they called and you felt the old connection, they talked about their pain, but they still didn’t want to get back together. Or maybe they did. And you tried. But it never worked out.

How can I be true
How can I be true and still have you

You’ve got to be true to yourself. Some people throw this under the bus, thrilled to have someone else, to be joined at the hip to. But usually that blind devotion causes the other person to run. They feel smothered. And if they accede to it, you’re a slave, you’ve got no territory to operate in. That’s the challenge of life. To be together without losing yourself.

What will we do when the morning comes
And we say goodbye, will we let go slow

You can’t. And you can’t be friends either. You need a clean break, otherwise it’s just too painful, you’re together and then you’re not. And this goes on, with one person hoping for reconnection, and then one day their significant other breaks the news…they’ve found someone else.

And how will it be in the future

I just don’t know. The older I get, the less I know. And I certainly can’t predict the future. And as you get older, it’s less about finding someone else than terminal illness, accident, running out of cash. Real life intrudes on love, and it’s so depressing. And you never find your soulmate, human beings weren’t built for that. You try to find the best fit and stick with it.

Spotify playlist Previous Rhinofy playlists