1. I saw a man with forty six Lean Cuisines.

I counted them.

This was actually on Ventura Boulevard, at the Ralphs. I went there in search of Dannon Coffee yogurt, which turned out to be on sale, so I didn’t want to use self checkout, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

I wanted to get into the ten items or less line. But it turned out to be nonexistent. Self-service was all that was available. But it’s not like pumping gas. The items don’t scan and you’ve got to wait and I’ve never used grocery self-service without needing employee assistance. Furthermore, I’d had a rough day and I’d need to use the discount card so I decided to go first class. I strolled to the other end of the market where I only saw one person in line.

But he had forty six Lean Cuisines. I had time to tote them up. It took that long for him to check out.

And as I’m perusing an old "Enquirer", I was wondering… Could I ask him about it? It’s not quite like a physical deformity, it’s not something obvious to everybody. But still, people don’t like to be questioned about their food.

But when the bill sank from $190 to $105, I figured I was safe, he must have been buying them because of the sale.

But that turned out to be untrue. They were all he ate, besides ice cream. He told me that when I asked him if he had room in his freezer.

Oh, he bought some orange juice and eight energy bars too.

And he chided the clerk for putting too many Lean Cuisines in each bag. He had to carry them upstairs!

And while I was walking out I saw him scrutinizing the bill to make sure he hadn’t been screwed, that the clerk had not rung up an extra box or ripped him off when he proffered his coupons.

So I think he’s cheap.

But maybe he has an eating disorder.

He looked reasonable, he was about thirty years old, but maybe inside he’s crumbling.

2. I saw a man with a mattress on his head.

This was on Sunset Boulevard.

He did not appear homeless, as in disheveled and talking to himself. He looked like he worked in an office. Yet he was carrying this mattress. You could barely see him, it looked like a mattress with legs.

3. I went to Amoeba Records.

Vinyl albums were $22.95. Used albums cost more than they did new. I guess that’s the new retail model, ripping off your customers.

4. I remembered going to the newsstand.

All the action’s at home now. It’s creepy to be out. Retail establishments are like relics from "Dawn Of The Dead". Oldsters trumpet their necessity, youngsters shrug their shoulders and ignore them.

5. I was in Hollywood to see Gary Clark, Jr.

He wove Hendrix’s "Third Stone From The Sun" into one of his numbers. That was the highlight.

6. The club was behind Papaya King.

I ate a sausage with peppers and onions. The bun had the consistency of the styrofoam it was served in. There was something inside the dog that made my teeth tingle. All the signage was on cardboard. I could drive by tomorrow and it could be a dry cleaner.