QuickDeposit
I’m balancing my checkbook.
Yes, I’m one of those nerds. Not only do I want to know how much money I’ve got, I get off on the numbers matching up, makes me recall elementary school, with all that addition and subtraction, makes me feel satisfied, amazed that these checks go out into the world and come home to roost and the bank has never made a mistake.
Mistakes… Ever notice you’re better off using the ATM instead of a teller? The ATM doesn’t make mistakes. Then again, the newfangled ATMs are so damn slow. Sure, you no longer need envelopes for checks, and theoretically you can insert more than one at a time (although I did have a problem doing this once and am forevermore anxious), but it’s like Windows Vista, or the dreaded ME, the latest iteration of ATM software is worse than the prior edition.
But I still use the ATM. Usually late at night. Well, not too late, I don’t want to get mugged. Yes, I used to use the ATM at midnight, even later, but then I read about a mugging on Wilshire Boulevard at the exact same ATM I used and…I no longer use that ATM. But I truly solved the problem, I stopped reading the local newspaper! Who wants to know about crime in your ‘hood! Just freaks you out. L.A. feels safe, because it looks like a giant suburb, I don’t want my illusion shattered.
ANYWAY, you know how they always insert extra crap in the bank statement envelope, trying to get you to buy insurance and other crap…well, I was going to throw out the inserts from Chase and one caught my eye. It said: "Deposit checks in a snap. Well, two."
INTRODUCING CHASE QUICKDEPOSIT.
You download an app to your smartphone, shoot both sides of the check with your camera, and voila, it’s deposited! You even get a confirmation…
I’m stunned. I’ve been joking for years that I’m waiting for the day when there’s a cash machine built into my computer, when I can click a button and green comes out. Then again, do you even need cash anymore? But if I can deposit checks via my BlackBerry, maybe my trips to the ATM are history, superfluous! I save not only time, but possibly my life!
Oh, wait a minute. Isn’t Diebold gonna protest this? Say it’s gonna unfairly put them out of business? That it must cost as much to use the app as it does to drive to the ATM? How about a $2.99 surcharge! Think of all those people who are going to lose their jobs! Those who wrote the ATM code… Then again, the big bad company takes all the profit. But what about the manufacturing! The CD plants, er, the ATM fabricators, have a right to work. You just can’t have people depositing checks for nothing. What next? The end of branches!
I’m in future shock. But I’m lovin’ it.
