Nugent that is, I went to see him last night at the House of Blues.

Am I a huge fan?

No.  But some of the FM classics move me, and I love "Journey To The Center Of Your Mind", the old Amboy Dukes chestnut.

And although Ted did not play this, he did do some Motor City classics, like "Cool Jerk".  He told me without the black music of Motown, there was no rock, it was the underpinning.

Yes, we had a conversation.  A long one.

I went to the gig because I’m friends with Ted’s manager, Doug Banker, who’s been spending time out on the road with Axl Rose and Guns N’ Roses.  Oh, the tales he could and did tell.  At some point someone’s gonna do an oral history/book, probably after Axl’s gone, and we’ll all have a peek inside.  But Doug did say despite all the craziness, Axl was a believer in rock and roll.  That he was about keeping it pure, capturing the energy…I leave you to make your own decision.

And after b.s.’ing with Doug and agent Dennis Arfa after the show, Doug asked me if I wanted to meet Ted.

I told him my policy.  That if the artist knows who I am and we’re gonna have a conversation, sure.  But I don’t want to shake the hand of someone who’s got no clue who I am as a photographer snaps a pic that I can trot out to try and impress people.  It’s just plain creepy.

But Doug said Ted knew who I was and that he was gonna go up to the dressing room and find out if the Motor City Madman was up for it.

And when he returned five minutes later with the thumbs-up, we ascended into the inner sanctum.

Now I’m not sure Ted can hear.  He turned the amps up to 11 as if he were playing Staples, it was truly deafening.  Is that why he insisted I sit on the couch right next to him?

I don’t know.  But there was no issue of comprehension as we got into it.

And it was fascinating.

Ted’s there in his robe.  With the American flag patch and his name on the front.  And sure, he’s hyped up on the two hour performance, but he’s ready to hunt, ready to get into it, speaking with enough zeal to kill a deer sans arrow.

Yes, he talked about hunting.  I connected with his passion.  He grew up camping and tracking, it turns him on.  Too many people today have no passion, they’re just lumps on a log watching television.  Actually, that’s another thing Ted’s got an opinion on, obesity.  Get those kids outdoors!

Speaking of kids, Ted insisted on introducing me to three of his seven.  He said he kept the lines of communication open, he spoke to or texted them every day…and I must say, these three young adults seemed completely reasonable.

And then Ted introduced me to his wife.  She was pretty hot and utterly devoted to him and the guitar slinger insisted that I now looked at him differently, that after meeting his wife, his stock went up.

That’s conversation with Ted.  He’s defensive.  Sure, he gets tons of shit, but doesn’t that go with the territory?  Isn’t that true with all famous people, like Sarah Palin?

"Have you spoken with her Bob?  Do you know her?"

And that’s when it became clear, not only were they buds, Ted knew every conservative Republican.  And I’d like to tell you I argued with him about their politics, but it was hard to get a word in edgewise, and Ted kept poking me for emphasis…I’d be lying if I didn’t say he scared me a bit.

You see Sarah had to resign because she couldn’t govern!

Come on Ted, would you resign?  Would you ever cancel a gig?

"Of course not, BUT I’M TED NUGENT!"

The guy truly is a wonder.  There is only one Ted Nugent.  62, in fantastic shape, looking ten years younger, and full of piss and vinegar.  He’s got an opinion on everything.  And it’s not always what you’d expect.

Sarah Palin can’t be President.  She’s too divisive, she’s not qualified.

But we need a leader.

I’m down with that, we need someone to point the way, to tell everybody to buckle down and work for the good of the country and themselves.

Ted would end welfare tomorrow.

But what about underprivileged kids?

The Church can feed them, it’s sitting on tons of gold!

How about immigration?

Announce you’re gonna shoot illegals on sight, that’ll take care of the problem…

Yes, Ted’s out there.  A weird combination of huckster/hypester/provocateur, whose philosophy works for himself, but can others follow in his footsteps?

He says they can, he says he’s put 21,000 kids through his camp.

And the longer he talked, the more I believed he was a crackpot who was incapable of listening, or if he listened, wouldn’t digest what I was saying, but…

Ted Nugent is brilliant.  An incredibly smart guy in a dumb business.  If I was a record executive of yore, I’d make a deal with him in an instant.  Because this guy is hungry, he’ll do whatever it takes to make it.  He won’t be off drinking, doing drugs, he’ll be practicing his guitar, yes, his trio still rehearses.

And finally, I asked Ted about the music business, what did he think of that?

He said in 1975, the musicians loved the music.  The promotion man at the label loved the music.  The President of the label loved the music.  The retailer loved the music.  The deejay loved the music.  The people loved the music.  Now, NO ONE LOVES THE MUSIC!

Whew!  You think Ted’s taking a detour to nowhere, but at one in the morning, he’s totally on track.

Sure, he said there’s no incentive to record music, ever the capitalist, but he insisted he was an independent.  Then again, he said Barack Obama should go back to Singapore.

And he’s asking if I read his books, did I see him on Anderson Cooper?  He was calm there…  "Bob, you’ve got to inform yourself.", as if I was about to dedicate my life to following the wit and wisdom of Ted Nugent.

Then again, he’s a better hang than most people.  He’s got opinions and he states them.  In a world where everybody’s duplicitous, plotting how to get ahead by lying and ripping people off, Ted’s all up front.

But he’s so embattled.

Then again, he tells me he and Tom Morello are buds.  So what does he think about Rage Against The Machine boycotting Arizona?  He didn’t know about that, he said he had to set Tom straight.

That’s Ted’s problem.  What he doesn’t know is a complete blank.  And since he’s been dealing with people dumber than he is, he’s been running ragged over them and refusing to listen for decades.

But somewhere in that twisted philosophy of his there are some nuggets of truth.  He wants people to be healthy and alive.  He wants to help.  But he just can’t understand his place in the landscape, having gotten shit for so long, it’s Total Ted, 24 hours a day.

But Ted’s a star.

And if you don’t think this business is about stars, you’re not in it.