What a set!

And what a stupid opening number.

If you’re going to do shtick, shouldn’t you have a comedian?  Too bad Johnny Carson is six feet under. Not only have the Oscars not been the same, neither has late night TV.  Every show is a clone of Letterman’s.  All shtick and no substance.  But the Oscars are supposed to have some substance!

But we start off with the gowns.  That’s how far our country has come.  From rock and roll being the national religion to fashion.  But I guess they take more risks in fashion…

But what truly stunned me and inspired me to fire up my computer and talk to you was the incredible amount of ass-kissing on the red carpet.  Is that now the national pastime?  Kissing ass?  Forgetting truth, forgetting honesty, just giving people what the producers think they want?  No wonder this show is in the shitter.

Where’s the irreverence?  Where’s the challenge?  I’d rather watch Barack Obama give a speech or Steve Jobs give a keynote than watch this crap.  Actually, I almost didn’t watch.  They say it’s Hollywood’s biggest night.  But does Hollywood rule our nation anymore?  Would someone rather be Brad Pitt or the aforementioned Steve Jobs?  Jay-Z has more cred than anybody at this clusterfuck.

Wait a minute.  They’re giving Hugh Jackman a standing ovation.  That’s like Bono and Springsteen standing and clapping for the Jonas Brothers…

All these shout outs and ventures into the pit.  Who gives a shit!

These actors are just vessels.  Then again, Octomom wanted to be Angelina Jolie, like that’s a goal, to be surgically-enhanced and then steal someone else’s husband.

I haven’t seen Jack Nicholson yet…

This is so bad, this is stunning.

In a country ruled by the Internet, this show is made to offend no one, and as a result resonates with very few.  The religious right is intolerant of Hollywood in general and the kids would rather play Grand Theft Auto then go see "Frost/Nixon", an inaccurate rereading of a television interview.  This show is for old Hollywood, which is losing power every day.  Better off to have Kevin James come out as Paul Blart, at least he knows how to crack a joke.

I love a great movie.  "Slumdog" was amazing.  But every element of that flick, the surprise, the roller-coaster ride, has been absent from this production so far.

Then again, it’s got great train-wreck value!

Shit, it’s been almost fifteen minutes and they haven’t given out an award.  Aren’t we supposed to get Supporting Person right away to get us going?

Meanwhile, the actresses are so dieted down they’ve got no boobs in their gowns.

Wait, we’ve got the Best Supporting Actress, in a ceremony that looks out of "Star Trek".  I love Tilda Swinton, but she looks like an alien.

Boy are they stretching this out.

This is fucking terrible.  But I do like the band on stage and the audience up close and personal.

Really, my main point is this show is not written for Americans.  But some people who don’t exist.  Just like those against the stimulus package.  Who gives a shit about lowering taxes if you’ve got no income and pay none!

Just give out the fucking award.  The presentation of this Oscar is just about as boring as most Hollywood movies.  If it takes this long to give out the Best Supporting Actress Oscar, when is this show going to end, Tuesday?

And the winner is…

I’m guessing Marisa Tomei.  Because the intros for all the others were so fucking boring, and there’s been so much press about her taking off her clothes…

Wrong, Penelope Cruz.  Didn’t see that Woody Allen movie.  I remember "Annie Hall".  But I did like when Penelope dated Tom and we got Cruz and Cruise.

Good for her.

As for us?