This ain’t no clunker, this ain’t no "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb", it certainly ain’t no "All That You Can’t Leave Behind", this is a complete return to form.  I’m stunned.

Packing for a trip, I started moving detritus around my house to make room for my suitcase and attendant belongings.  That’s when I stumbled upon an envelope from UMGD.  Ripping it open to discard the disc inside, figuring it’s going to be another developing group that I’ve got no interest in that won’t break beyond Top Forty, I was shocked to find the new U2 album inside.  Not a single, but completely finished product.  Lyric book and all.

I knew the album had leaked.  I figured that in shipping the disc to retailers, someone had ripped it and put it up online.  But I was surprised they were sending me a CD without any warning sticker affixed other than the ridiculous FBI logo on the back.

And by time I’m finished doing my first packing run-through, where I get all my shit together before I do a final check, I sit down at my computer and am confronted with 130 e-mails.  And that’s just too fucking much!  So I start surfing the Web, killing time, building my gumption.  And it’s then when I remember the U2 disc.

The opening track is "No Line On The Horizon".  But a different mix from the version on the "Spin" site.  It’s not going to convert anybody, but if you’re a fan,  you’re tapping your toe,  you’re still interested when "Magnificent" comes on.

And that’s what it truly is!

Remember when you used to come home and rip off the shrinkwrap, drop the needle in the groove, sit down on the couch and finger the album cover, letting the music wash over you?  That’s the exact experience!  This is not music made for the radio, not tweaked for Top Forty, not made as a backdrop for a video.  This is the kind of album rock that ruled in the seventies, when the music was enough.  Magnificent it is, but what is truly shocking, what is truly enrapturing, is the majesty.  It’s like Edge’s guitar represents the prince’s troops, patrolling the horizon, making sure their leader is protected.  The guitar comes in and out, reminding you that you’re safe, even though these are dangerous times.  And Bono has got none of that overbearing pomposity that has made our skin crawl throughout this decade.  He’s part of the track, in it.  Not the figurehead, but in the landscape, the Civil War drummer boy keeping the troops alert and focused.  The words you do make out don’t seem incredibly significant, but the music always comes first. Bono could be singing nonsense and this would work.  And they take enough time to stretch out.  A full 5:24.  When the song breaks down about two-thirds through, you’re surprised.  This is just when the usual band ramps up with a flourish towards the overblown finish.  The track goes on and on, but it’s not too long, you’ve enlisted, you’re now part of the army, when it’s done and the quietude descends you say to yourself…I want to play that again!

"Moment Of Surrender", track 3, has got the intro vibe of something from "Achtung Baby", a moody Wim Wenders landscape, then everybody locks into the groove, the keyboard dominates, you think you’re in a King Crimson number, the heaviness is positively seventies, Bono starts to sing, it’s like you’re listening to every English blues-influenced rock album of years gone by, none of them concerned about a single, and suddenly you think the band is not playing to impress you, but to release you from everyday life, to take you away to a place where you’re understood.  "Moment Of Surrender" is not as good as "Magnificent", but it’s far from filler.  It’s the album cut that becomes your favorite after you’ve listened to the entire record twenty times, when what’s obvious fades into the background and what was once obscured is now up close and personal.

The fourth track, "Unknown Caller", stars with one electronic note, then an ethereal keyboard comes in, then a guitar, even a hint of "Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For", but then there’s a riff!  The kind that has you bending at the waist, your gut muscles tightened, playing air guitar all the while. Listening to this cut, I can’t stop thinking about seeing the band.  This is the type of number that comes alive in concert.  You know it, you’ve played the album incessantly in anticipation of seeing the band, and when Edge rips off this explosive note, a shooting star, you’ve got your fist raised in the air, singing along!  When you see your favorite band live, you don’t care what people outside the building think, not what the "New York Times" or haters have to say, this is just for you.  Bands don’t make music for the venue, they make it for the gatekeepers, radio, reviewers, their brethren.  But "Unknown Caller" is made for devotees.

"I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight" is closest to the U2 that came before.  It’s got the loping gait of the killers from "The Joshua Tree", but it’s not as compromised as the band’s recent work.  Stupid title, but this is driving music.

And then comes "Get On Your Boots".  Better in context.  But one still wonders why they chose to lead with this.  Because not only is it left field, it’s not successful on its own terms.

The sound of the CD is disappointing.  It’s thin.  The tracks will come alive on vinyl.  It sounds too compressed, whereas space would make the band sound big as opposed to tinny.  They need to overwhelm the speakers, but now they’re cramped inside.

And I stopped there.  I kept needing to write.  The same way I did when I listened to the opening cut of "Long Road Out Of Eden".  Our heroes are supposed to have lost it.  They’re supposed to trade on past glories.  They’re not supposed to be able to deliver.

So far, I still like "Achtung Baby" better.  But unlike almost all albums that come across the transom today, I want to hear this one again.  And ain’t that the experience.  Albums are for fans, they shouldn’t be grist for the mill.  And in this century, U2 seemed to be more concerned with not losing their status as best band in the world as opposed to earning it.

I give them props for delaying the release until it was ready.  But I still don’t understand leading with "Get On Your Boots", playing it at the Grammys. This ain’t the nineties, where everybody’s focused on the scene.  There’s some cohesion in the U.K., but not in the U.S.  You’re lucky if you’re noticed. And if you are, the majority of the public barely lingers, they’re on to the next thing almost immediately.  So, if you’re going to play the major game, hit them with your best shot.  Otherwise, underplay.  Let the quality of your album spread, let your fans infect their brethren.

I haven’t heard a single yet, and even if there was a catchy track, would today’s rhythm-influenced Top Fortys play it?  The album has a subversive quality, the marketing should have reflected this.  U2 should have held a rooftop concert during the Grammys, giving the middle finger to the system. The band should not be playing Letterman, where every night a new show is built and the past fades away almost instantly, they should have taken a stand online.  With no interference from the usual suspects.  Rather than engage the gatekeepers, the media morons, they should have gone right to the fans.  Letterman ain’t gonna buy a ticket to the show, but the kid in Des Moines will drive hours to attend.  And every kid has got an Internet connection and a cell phone.  Why didn’t the band utilize these in their marketing?

They needed to release the stems like Trent Reznor.  Let their fans remix the record.  Bono should show up unannounced at the home of one of their biggest fans.  Shooting video that he could put up on the band’s site.  The band should have taken a stealth approach as opposed to playing the dying game, poorly.

This ain’t no "Working On A Dream".  This ain’t no "Viva La Vida".  This is a classic seventies album.  Where it sits in the U2 pantheon?  It’s too soon to tell.  But even listening to half, I know it can’t be dismissed, discarded and forgotten.  If you’re a fan, you’re satiated.  And that’s all that matters.