Would the Stones play Coachella?

Who gives a shit about the Stones.  But Phish fans are diehards.  Phishheads believe that Phish is God.  They trekked to see the band at its own festivals, year after year.  Is the band afraid they can’t sell a ticket anymore?

This is no way to come back, playing it safe.  Phishheads don’t want to hang with Springsteen fans at some clusterfuck in Tennessee. Yes, Bruce is rumored for Bonnaroo too.

No one’s special anymore.  No one means anything.  A festival is bigger than any act.  Which is why the best can go on sale without listing any participants.

A great band is sui generis.  It should never open for anyone.  It’s not part of the scene, it IS the scene.

Phish should do arenas.  Then its own festival.  It’s hard not to believe they’re doing Bonnaroo because of their manager’s involvement.

You might think this is bullshit.  You’ll point to the gross.  You’ll say everyone’s happy.  I’ll say this is the kind of thinking that fucked up our business.  It’s only about money, not about soul.  Phish should only think about its fans.  Not its manager’s need to sell out a festival that dropped significantly in attendance last year.

Festivals are the new radio show.  Do a few and you can’t tour independently, i.e. on your own.  You fatten the coffers of the promoter, but you fuck your own career.

Come on.  A good song is not good enough.  We’re in a business where greatness is important.  If you’re not willing to split hairs, if you’re not willing to argue the details of a band’s career, then you’re not a rock and roll fan.  Fans worry about the minutiae.  It’s only Live Nation, beholden to Wall Street, that does not care about the man on the street.

You might say it’s about the hang.  About going to the show and getting fucked up with your brethren.  I’ll say it’s about the music.

Maybe a festival is too much about the hang.  Which is why Phish should not be playing Bonnaroo.  Because it’s the music that entranced its fans, the communal hang came after.

Do you want to mix your Sweet Sixteen with a Bar Mitzvah party?  Do you want a vacation where you can bowl, surf and ski?  Come on.  Have a little self-respect.

Phish’s comeback might fail, but let’s see if they can stand on their own two feet.

Or maybe Phish is the new Jack Johnson.  Maybe they’re gonna play EVERY festival this summer.

Utterfuckinghogwash.