It is important to study history, so one does not repeat the same mistakes. Don’t Guy Oseary, Arthur Fogel and Madge herself remember U2’s PopMart tour? The biggest, baddest band in the world, one beloved by Gen-X’ers everywhere (the true Gen-X, in its forties now, the one from Douglas Coupland’s novel), books stadiums and…DOESN’T SELL OUT!

Maybe the record was rushed to completion. Or maybe the fan base was aging and didn’t want to sit that far away.

Shit, stadium shows are for youngsters, and YOUNGSTERS DON’T WANT TO SEE MADONNA! Especially not at these prices.

Why take this risk? Either she plays to empty seats or you’ve got to give tickets away. In this Internet era, do you think everyone’s not going to KNOW?

They call it ARENA ROCK. Not Arena POP, or Arena DANCE! Blow it up even bigger, and IT’S GOT TO BE ROCK! It’s got to be big and ballsy, anthemic. Madonna might have brass balls, but her music DOES NOT! Rock has historically been the guarantee in arenas. It’s the ONLY guarantee in stadia. Why go against this? Why try to reinvent the wheel? Why take the risk?

To prove that Madonna is the biggest, baddest act on the planet.

Well, that’s certainly questionable, but that’s what she needs. For her ego.

Shit, even the Eagles don’t play stadiums. And they own the biggest selling album of ALL TIME! Their audience doesn’t want to go. And sit that far away. Do you really think fortysomething women, driving minivans, still carpooling their kids, want to get all dressed up to sit in the upper deck and eat hot dogs? Watching a miniature Madonna down below?

No fucking way. At least not until she admits she’s a has-been.

Oh, the album may be running up the chart, but people don’t want to hear "Hard Candy" live. Just like they didn’t want to hear Page Plant’s new material when those two toured. They eventually eviscerated almost all of it from their set and focused on Zeppelin tunes. The steady stream of people to the bathrooms and concessions made them feel less like superstars and more like…wannabes?

Madonna refuses to believe her time has passed, that she’s a has-been. Everybody inside knows she won’t go out with a greatest hits show. But that’s what you need to sell stadiums, that’s what you need to get oldsters to leave home and spend a fortune.

Maybe once. Maybe they’ll come to the train-wreck once. But they’ll stay home after that. And there’s no talk of this being Madonna’s RETIREMENT tour.

Who’s advising her? Madonna’s such an egomaniac, she won’t hire a real manager, someone familiar with the game of choosing the right building, of scaling, of ticket counts. She thinks it’s all about TV and radio, that they drive people into a frenzy where they HAVE to go to the show. Uh-uh. That was the eighties, the nineties, but not today’s music world. Money is made on the road. And the show’s got to be about the audience, not the performer. At least if you want people to come back at these inflated prices. You’ve got to DELIVER!

Maybe she’ll change the set list to drive ticket sales.

But you know the show can’t be good… SHE CAN BARELY SING!

She makes a deal with Live Nation and the stock she gets immediately tanks by half. She decides to play venues way too large for her. She needs the aforementioned Irving Azoff. But she won’t listen to him. Because Madonna knows EVERYTHING!

No one knows everything. Not even me. But I’ve got a feeling, this tour is a mistake.