Bruce Hornsby & The Noisemakers
So I’m surfing god knows where and my computer starts to go BALLISTIC!
I mean it starts trying to send e-mail, have a conversation in iChat, all the while actually speaking to me and opening up Terminal, to fuck with my system.
This is not supposed to happen on a Mac.
I can’t get a menu to work, so much is happening so fast, I can’t force quit any of the apps. So I shut down the entire machine. It takes forever to reboot, under Mac standards, maybe a minute and a half, and then…MAIL’s totaled. Says I’ve got nothing. Seventy odd thousand e-mails… Pfft.
I’m in shock. This is not what I had planned for today. I started researching online, found nothing and ultimately called Apple. Where the dude was very friendly, but seemed more interested in documenting my alien attack than actually helping me. But eventually I was transferred to a security specialist. You know what it’s like to actually to speak with someone who knows what he’s talking about? I mean I’m no dummy, I know what a plist is, I know how the machine works. And we’re having an intellectual discussion about Macs, security… I’d like to tell you I have such wise discussions in the music business, but instead I’m usually the victim of bullying and hype. No wonder the techies are taking over the world.
Having installed Leopard and Time Machine, I was able to…go back in time and put my machine where it had been at noon. Turns out to be easier to do than I thought. As was installing the extra 500 gig hard drive. Although the dude at Seagate got confused telling me which one to buy.
And then I decided to download MissingSync, for my Blackberry.
I got an iPod Touch as a gift. It’s the greatest ad for an iPhone ever. Everything just works, INSTANTLY! Not a perfect iPod, since you have to wake it up every time you want to adjust volume or change songs, but surfing the Web is cool. If only I lived in a larger house and I couldn’t take my laptop wherever I wanted. But I’m NEVER switching to AT&T. "Consumer Reports" just trashed their service, deservedly. I call you, I can’t hear, we can’t connect. Would you switch to Verizon so you can see that cell phones actually work? Not as well as in Europe and the rest of the world, but good enough. But being on a BlackBerry on Verizon leaves me using the execrable PocketMac. Which doesn’t sync half of half of the contacts. So, after updating my address book using the new Mail menu that allows you to instantly add the people who’ve e-mailed you, I went to purchase MissingSync and COULDN’T FIND MY WALLET! I’m calling the grocery store, I’m freaking out. Not quite as bad as having a car accident, but talk about ruining your whole week… After an hour, after reality had to start to set in, after I turned the house upside down, I found it under my bed. How it got there…
What else is on my mind?
They say it’s the greatest country in the world, but if you believe this, you haven’t left home. I was on a plane, the fucking bathroom door didn’t work. Talk about SMELL! And there was a kid coughing. THROUGHOUT THE FLIGHT! I’ve got a cough now too, asshole.
And I’m reading an interview with David Frum, who plays for the wrong team, i.e. the Republicans. And they ask him what his problem is with Laurie David. And he says ANYBODY WHO FLIES AROUND IN A PRIVATE JET PREACHING GREEN DESERVES NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. I agree. You e-mail me to tell everybody to use fluorescent bulbs, but your carbon footprint is the size of Exxon’s.
And Steve Jobs is gonna announce iTunes movie rentals Tuesday. Am I the only one who doesn’t give a fuck? That these same rich assholes want to preserve a business making these horribly shitty pictures? It’s us versus them. And they are rich, they’re wealthy hedge funders paying capital gains rates on their guaranteed income. They’re people who believe money triumphs over everything.
And while I’m at it, although the mainstream and cool merged in the late twentieth century, I’m here to tell you COOL IS DONE! No one cares anymore. For cool to triumph, there’s got to be a mainstream. THERE IS NO MAINSTREAM! Just a zillion different niches.
Hey, my favorite e-mail of the week is the one from the guy who works at Bank of America Securities giving me shit that my listening habits aren’t cool enough. YOU WORK FOR THE MAN! I can listen to music all day long, I’m not a slave to the grind. But you’ve got your money, so you think you’re a big swinging dick.
And what does this have to do with music?
If you like something, SO BE IT! People hated the Carpenters in the seventies, now everybody says they were great. Don’t follow leaders, watch the parking meters.
Which brings me to this two disc free download album Bruce Hornsby is giving away on his Website.
Didn’t work for me at first. The unzipping hung.
But when I ultimately got it, and listened on my iPod, I was stunned. THEY COULD ACTUALLY PLAY! Remember when being a musician meant that you were schooled, you practiced, you had talent? When how you looked, your image, your endorsements…weren’t even part of the picture? Well, looks always counted, but that didn’t stop Jerry Garcia and Pigpen. But it would stop them today.
So these are not my favorite Bruce Hornsby MP3s. My absolute fave is his rendition of "Tangled Up In Blue" with Bela Fleck live at the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. Still, there are moments of magic here. Listen to the very first track, "Country Doctor". Not as a hit, but while you’re doing something else, reading the newspaper. You’ll be HYPNOTIZED! You’ll find yourself tapping your fingers involuntarily. That’s a reaction to music, not buying the merch.
What a fucked up business this is. It’s about money, not music.
But when Bruce segues from "Fortunate Son" into "Comfortably Numb", you remember who you are. All those times you heard the Pink Floyd track on FM radio.
If you want an adventure, buy Bruce’s "Spirit Trail". You’ll become enraptured.
I want another double album like that, of new material from a guy who got on a run, who didn’t labor so much as get INSPIRED!
And there’s inspiration on this free download. You can hear the joy, you marvel at the musicianship. It may not be your cup of tea, but that’s not the point. The point is you can listen to this, you don’t have to see it, you can be taken away by the notes. And, right now, I want to be lifted on a magic carpet above the bullshit, and this music works.
