Actually, it’s amazing I’m here at all.  You see I had an accident in Mammoth two weeks ago.

Oh, for a couple of days I felt like a fucking idiot.  Rule number one of skiing, you QUIT before the day is over.  But I wasn’t tired.  But the light was flat.  But then, telling the details three days later, I realized IT WASN’T MY FAULT!

If you’ve gone skiing recently, you know they now do crowd control.  They put up these fences, and you’ve got to slow down and ski through these tiny little entrances.  And, if the low-pay employees weren’t looking to go home early, I never would have been injured.  You see, THEY TOOK DOWN THESE FENCES BEFORE THE LIFTS CLOSED!  And I’m skiing across the hill, all of fifteen feet in front of the base lodge.  Coming all the way from  Chair 12 WAY OFF to the side of the mountain.  And, wanting to go to the Thunder lift, it blowing so hard I didn’t want to go above treeline, I cut UNDERNEATH Chair 1.  Which NORMALLY is an IMPOSSIBILITY!  Because there’s no entrance through the fence there!

And suddenly, WHAM, I was thrown to the snow.  I did a face plant.  And my arm broke the fall.  And I wondered, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

I turned around, and saw that my right ski had released.  I haven’t had a ski release since 1975!  Bottom line, with the fences in place, these GIGANTIC ruts form.  With three foot high walls.  Normally, you just scoot between the fences and RIDE THEM OUT!  But, with the fences gone, I hit one of these ruts SIDEWAYS!  Which was like HITTING A BRICK WALL!

I made one more run, it being like the circus, you’ve got to get back on the horse (did I mix a metaphor there…then again, aren’t there horses in the circus?)  But, coming down, I realized…my arm hurt.

After returning to the Mammoth Mountain Inn, I went back to the main lodge, to the first aid center.  They didn’t think anything was broken, but they wouldn’t GUARANTEE IT!  Then somebody TRULY injured came in and I took some ice bags and went back to the hotel room, where I JUST COULDN’T GET WARM!  Kind of like when I broke my leg…  But, it turned out I had FOOD POISONING!  From the fucking breakfast at the Inn.

And the next morning, needless to say, I couldn’t ski, but it was foggy and RAINING!  And Leo drove us home, and I couldn’t eat a thing, and my forearm didn’t hurt THAT much.  But later that night, fuck, I had HUGE pain in my shoulder.  I started to FREAK OUT!  My friend Stephen told me I’d torn my rotator cuff.  I’m researching on the Web, trying to diagnose myself.  I have to cancel a consulting gig, my radio show, I’ve got to pop Vicodin, I’m…really hurt.  Third most hurt I’ve ever been.  But, my physical therapist made a HOUSE CALL on Super Bowl Sunday and with that visit and two more last week, she brought me back from the dead.  Oh, I’m not 100%, but I’m here, on this pre-booked trip to Vail.

What can I say about Vail…

I think the local had it right on the lift back at Christmas.  Aspen got the town, Vail got the MOUNTAIN!

Oh, the town of Vail is ersatz.  It’s a faux Zermatt.  And, it’s nestled up against the Interstate.  And, from the bottom you can’t see the top of the mountain, it’s not dramatic.  And back in the day, when I was just a pup, I was down on Vail, since there was no truly serious skiing.  But now, at my advanced age, fuck, the skiing is GREAT!

Because there’s more of it than anywhere else in the United States.

The Back Bowls are SEVEN MILES WIDE!  God, at Snowbird the powder lasts one run.  You can ski crud FOREVER in Vail.

And now they’ve got Blue Sky Basin.  Which is SO far away that one of the lifts closes at 2:45, so you can make your way back to the village.  It’s all backcountry.  And there IS serious skiing.  And, I’ve just got to tell you, Vail is ski heaven.

And Felice’s family’s condo is at the Lodge.  Which is the closest hostelry to the LIFTS!  I mean it’s a dream come true.  We left L.A. last night at 7, and we were in the condo at 11, and that’s WITH an hour time change!  And, the Eagle airport is not like Aspen, it’s not dangerous and it just about never closes.

Now if you’ve been following it, Vail is having possibly its best winter ever.  But, last week it only snowed an inch.  So today the conditions were hard.  And the light was gray.  But, at about 5, it started coming down…

There are NO lift lines.  Not even on the dreaded Northwoods chair, where you waited fifteen minutes during the holiday.  I won’t say it’s like we have the place to ourselves, but except for the snowboarders, it’s HEAVEN!  (Oh, don’t give me backlash.  Snowboarders can’t see in one direction and tend to bomb down straight as opposed to turn.  Thank god the new school skiers are throwing tricks snowboarders could only DREAM of in the pipe these days.  Skiing is making a comeback!)

My knee is a bit tweaked from my accident.  But, at the end of the day we did some bumps on Prima…and I was in the rhythm and it didn’t hurt too bad.

I finally decided to buy a helmet, but after returning from the condo with my goggles for adjustment, turns out someone STOLE IT!  And there’s not another black Giro Fuse in XL in VAIL!  Believe me, I checked.  They’re supposed to get two in from the warehouse tomorrow at Gorsuch, but I feel like my luck is running out, after the incident two weeks ago.

So, the story is…  Skiing is a great release.  If  you think about anything else, you fall.  And it’s one of the few legal thrills.

Oh, I’ll be back in L.A. to do my radio show on the weekend.  But till then, tell ’em I’m skiing, skiing USA.

Vail