My Nano

I got a Nano for Christmas.  A black one.

But I’ve never used it.

You see Apple went USB 2.0 with the new iPods.  And I don’t have a Mac with a USB 2.0 connection.  Oh, I’ve got a PC, but that’s no solution.

I was planning on buying a new Mac.  A G5 tower.  To compliment the 23" HD screen friends are going to buy me as a gift.  But then that motherfucker Steve Jobs accelerated the Intel rollout, and now it makes no sense.

I don’t want an iMac.  Oh, it would probably be good enough.  But it’s a dick thing.  I’ve got to have a hot-rodded rig.  And, have you seen that 23" screen??  Man, THAT’S some real estate!

I debated it for a bit.  Maybe I’d buy the G5 anyway.  But then in "Newsweek" the aforementioned Mr. Jobs stated even HE couldn’t see why an individual would buy one.  If you didn’t need to do four hours of Photoshop a day INSTANTLY, any sane person would wait.

So here I sit.  With the dough burning a hole in my wallet.  And a Nano I can’t use.

Oh, you can connect it USB 1.1.  But, I had a friend who had a problem with that.  And I don’t want to go back to the horse and buggy days.  I’m living in the future.  Ever since the very first iPod four years ago.  Wow, that FireWire transfer eclipsed my Rio INSTANTLY!  I went from the twentieth century to the twenty first INSTANTLY!

But one thing about that initial Rio.  It SOUNDED great.  Better than the iPod that replaced it.

So I was flummoxed.  Until Amy lost her iPod.  And she had the same problem.  Amy had to buy a new iPod Video, and SHE didn’t have a USB 2.0 port either.  But, in a mad haze of research, after BUYING the new iPod and finding this out, Amy learned she could purchase a USB 2.0 PCMCIA card for her PowerBook.  Which she did.  But it didn’t work.

But Blake…

Blake, my nephew.  He walked into the Apple Store.  With a dead 40.  And, they gave him a new iPod Video 60 for $170.  But he had the same problem Amy and I had, no USB 2.0.  But, he bought a MacAlly PCMCIA card, and it WORKED!

So I went to the store where Blake purchased his card and found…that they were sold out.  Which made me even MORE frustrated, since Blake said to buy one SOON, because he believed they were going to be discontinued, there was no longer a NEED for them.

And then I got on the phone with Amy.  She said her SLOT was broken, but the card was FINE!  And she’d give it to me.

Last night I got it.  And at midnight, I slid it into my PowerBook.

According to the System Profiler, it worked.  It showed up.  But I didn’t know for real.  Was there a driver?  The card came with a CD and incomprehensible PC-only instructions.  I’d have to attach the Nano.  And I believe in charging up my iPods COMPLETELY before using them.  I don’t want ANY battery life sacrificed.  So I plugged in the Nano (with the charger from my 40, Nanos don’t COME with chargers) and went to sleep.

Then, this afternoon, after returning from doing some podcasts at Rhino, I slid the Belkin USB 2.0 PCMCIA card into my PowerBook, booted it up and…got ready for the games to begin.

I plugged in the Nano…  It showed up on the desktop pretty quickly.  But it took a bit for iTunes to boot up.  After all, the machine just hadn’t been sleeping, the program wasn’t in RAM, and the machine has a godawfully slow hard drive.  But then, iTunes was loaded.

Then the magic began.

AUTOMATICALLY the Nano was configured for a Mac.

Then, I clicked to update the software.  A process that took a couple of minutes and went FLAWLESSLY.

But then I got an error message.  You see there were more tracks in my iTunes library than there was room on the Nano.

But NO BIGGIE!  Did I want the software to automatically create a playlist and fill it and ultimately the Nano with tracks?  SURE!

And then, after clicking my assent, the tracks started to fly.  At about a second apiece.  The fucking USB 2.0 PCMCIA card WORKED!  And in five minutes, my Nano was filled.

Have you held a Nano?

Oh, I did, months ago.  And it was mighty impressive.  But having my OWN!  Gave me a high just shy of orgasm.

Oh, I unplugged the Nano.  Shut down the PowerBook.  And removed the PCMCIA card.  (Which is a bit complicated.  You’ve got to push this button, a couple of times, and then not only the card, but the BUTTON ejects from the PowerBook.  But, no harm was done, I just pushed the button back in…)  Then I went into the other room and got a pair of headphones, plugged them into the bottom of the Nano and VOILA!

Fuck the sound is so GOOD!  Much better than my other iPods.  Superior to that original Rio.

Now I feel like one of those idiots who say that there’s software in the iPod that chooses the exact songs you want to hear.  I’ve got about 8,000 songs in my iTunes library on my PowerBook, not all favorites, but EVERY track on my Nano is a WINNER!  Stuff like Stevie Wonder’s "Big Brother", the BoDeans’ "True Devotion", Mike Doughty’s "Looking At The World From The Bottom Of A Well" and Steve Winwood’s "Night Train".

Oh, the pleasure.

I’m here to tell you all the naysayers are full of shit.  The iPod has no competition.  First and foremost because it just WORKS!

This is ridiculous.  I’m not on the payroll, I own no stock, but I’m extolling the greatness of Apple with a religious fervor.

I ask you, how much of the shit you own works?  Right?

All those buttons on your TV remote…

Do you know how to navigate the menus on your cable system?

Do you know how to fix your PC?

And, the fact that they superseded the Mini with the almost unfathomable Nano.  It’s like something from the FUTURE!  It’s so impossibly small.  But every bit as loud as a thick, regular iPod.  How did they COME UP with this?

You can’t get everybody to agree on ANYTHING in this world.  But you should ignore the anti-iPod assholes.  They just don’t want to play on a winning team.  They want to feel superior by being isolated, or using a product only THEY can figure out how to use.

Fuck the iTMS.  That’s not how I fill my iPod.  It’s not about buying copy protected tracks for a buck, rather the JOY of taking ALL your favorite music WITH YOU!  The Nano is a TOOL!  To make my life better.  Are the labels interested in making my life better??

Fuck, I just pushed the forward button on the Nano and James Taylor’s "One Morning In May" came up.  But what’s BETTER is there’s a PICTURE OF THE ALBUM COVER!  How does it KNOW??  Rendered so PERFECTLY!  Shouldn’t a tiny screen be FUZZY?

Now the reason I won’t buy a G5 tower is I know how it works.  Apple will come out with a new product that only works with the latest gear.  I don’t want to START OFF one generation behind.  Steve Jobs thinks everybody can afford a new computer every year.  But, if you’re paying for them out of your own pocket…

I’m interested in greatness.  I’m a believer.  "Finding Nemo" was the best picture of 2004.  Even if it was a cartoon.  Because it had heart, and personality!  It wasn’t focus-grouped, it wasn’t made for a lowest common denominator, it was made to be as good as it could possibly be.  And it resonated.  If only the labels took a clue from Apple.  And concentrated on greatness.  Stopped testing the records.  Stopped signing only beautiful people.  Just made shit that RESONATED!  Then they’d have no complaints.  LiveNation would be able to fill is amphitheatres.

My Nano is so SMALL.  And it WORKS!


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