I feel like sh*t.

Well, that wasn’t on the agenda.

Friday night my paranoia struck deep. The pain in my mouth was intense. Not take a Vicodin intense, but something is definitely wrong intense. Now if it required an M.D., I could go to the emergency room, but a dentist? I’m sure I could get someone, but I doubt it would be my number one, the man I trust, the paragon of excellence.

People talk about leaving L.A. I’m NEVER leaving L.A., because of the health care amongst many other reasons. I need the big doctor, it’s a Jewish thing. And I’ll pay through the nose. Because all you’ve got is your health, right? You don’t want to cheap out on your health.

And I know too many people who were misdiagnosed and abused in the hinterlands, even highfalutin’ hinterlands, like Aspen. Whereas in L.A. you’ve got world class doctors. Who have access to the experts in every field. Yes, there’s someone in America who spends their entire life dedicated to the problem you have. Like pemphigus. That guy’s at Johns Hopkins, my dermatologist trained under him, she could have gotten me in to see him if I felt the need to make the trip. And let’s not forget, three top-tier dermatologists misdiagnosed me before I found this woman.

So…

That football player died last month from a dental infection. And you don’t always feel a dental infection. Like last September, I got a CT scan for a broken tooth and the oral surgeon started freaking out about a completely different tooth, where there was already an implant, there was an infection.

But it was Friday night.

Saturday it felt a bit better and I was convinced it wasn’t a big deal.

Oh, did I mention that I thought it was a Covid side effect? Because the pain started at the exact same time my nose started to run. And if you Google, there is documentation that tooth pain and Covid can be related.

And then I had Covid for three plus weeks. So it wasn’t clear who was zoomin’ who. But my Covid symptoms finally faded on Friday, and on Saturday they were mostly gone. And on Sunday, I felt like myself, other than this pain in my mouth. I couldn’t chew anything on that side. And I’m missing a molar on the other side, from that surgery back in September.

But I’ve got a podcast at the crack of dawn on Monday morning. And the dentist doesn’t usually start until nine. And I don’t want to distract myself. And it’s no big deal anyway, right?

For the umpteenth time I’ll tell you that it was illegal to be sick in my family. If I told my mother I had symptoms, she’d say to go to school and see if I felt better. So I’ve got a constitution of iron, and a totally warped perspective. I’m missing a body part as a result of this, I tolerated a condition that the literature says is the most painful experience a man can have.

I don’t feel entitled to ask for more, to be squeezed in. But I called first thing and they said they were booked but then they called back, right before the podcast, and said to come in at four. NO PROBLEM!

So first I get the assistant who asks if I’m in pain. And when I tell her no…I figure she sees me like all the wankers who come in on a whim. I tell her if I bite down I’ll be in pain.

And then the dentist comes in and I tell him the story from soup to nuts. And then he starts banging on my teeth and when he hits the chosen one… WOW!

So he pulls back and says we need to take a picture.

But there’s no camera in this room.

But then he reconsiders. Why take pictures twice? I should see the endodontist first, to see if I need a root canal.

So they call and that guy can see me immediately and I walk a block away and…

Yes, it’s like a glorified hospital. You can shop for clothes on Rodeo, but on Camden and Bedford they work on the inside.

And they come in and take a picture, after I tell them to turn off the TV. Drives me crazy. Doesn’t anybody read anymore?

And I’m waiting and waiting. Convinced it’s just a crack. And the dentist will leave for the day. And I’ve got an hellacious schedule this week, and I’m going out of town the next. And this dentist has his own lab and he can make a crown in a few days but it’s best to start the process as soon as you can.

And I’m waiting and waiting and then, long after I’ve given up on the dentist, the endodontist comes in, and remembers me from ten years before. And tells me there’s a crack in the tooth, and an infection, and he thinks I need a root canal, but he has to run these tests. Whereupon he starts banging on my teeth and I’m convinced I’m getting the expertise I’m paying for but is this guy a cowboy, does he just want to drill?

He’s convinced of the problem, but to make sure he wants to take a CT scan.

You used to have to go to a separate location. But now they’ve got the CT scan in the office. At least the oral surgeon and the endodontist. Do they have these in the hinterlands? The one the endodontist has cost two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

Well, the good news is the root canal from ten years before is holding up perfectly.

The bad news is I do have an infection.

And after some prep, they start to drill. Yes, pay through the nose and they’ll miss dinner, they’ll do this stuff right away, they’ll cater to your schedule.

And the guy is drilling and I’m thinking this is not that bad, I can’t feel anything, but then he asks me to open my jaw wider and the strain is intense and I don’t see how I’m going to continue to do this.

Whereupon he says we’ll use a bite block. A hard rubber item they shove in your mouth to keep your jaw open.

And just when I’m thinking I didn’t need anesthesia for the surgery back in September, the endodontist says normally he’d suggest anesthesia, as in putting you out, but he didn’t think he could get an anesthesiologist at this hour.

So he’s drilling and drilling and then EE-OWW!

WTF?

Well, the dude shoots me up a couple of more times.

But I’m still hurting.

He tells me some science about PH levels, express concern, that he never sees it this bad, and says it’s all about the infection. Whereupon he shoots me up a total of TEN TIMES! Whereas normally it’s only three.

Maybe that’s why I feel so bad today. There’s no pain, but my mind is swimming.

So ultimately he’s done and…I want details. I want to make sure my money was wisely spent.

Well, the infection was really bad. There was puss. And it had eaten up part of the nerve and…

Man, what if I’d waited even longer?

But there’s no guarantee this will work.

That’s right. On Friday they’re going to glue the tooth back together. And then wait three months and see if it holds. And if it does, the dentist will put a crown on it. Yes, the remnants of the tooth may collapse, and ultimately it might need to be pulled and I’ll need to get an implant. Meanwhile, don’t chew on that side. But I’m missing a molar on the other side, from the surgery in September!

So what does the average person do? Dental insurance is a joke, not worth paying for.

The endodontist tells me they have the tooth pulled.

Whereupon he says you can get the root canal for half the price, at a clinic, by an inexperienced person, but it probably won’t be done right.

Yeah, but what am I looking forward to? I can’t blow all my money on my teeth.

Well, he says the rest look good. And an implant is not a panacea. Which I know is true, since all that money I spent back in 2017 was a waste, because of the infection and ultimate bone replacement surgery in September.

And I walk out of the building into the dark with a prescription for an antibiotic and…

Man, if I spent this amount of money in my regular life, I’d have been thinking about it for weeks, maybe months. But I’ll get the points!

Oh, they all take credit cards, they want the money right away. But they figure you’re good for it, otherwise why would you be there?

And I’m thinking about what Narada told me when I asked him about his finances. “Money comes in, money goes out.” I’ve got a payday this week, but it still won’t cover the final bill for the tooth. Then again, it was an unexpected payday.

But I’m not the only one. It’s a feature of getting older. The deterioration. And many are silent about it. Or when they open their mouth they’re missing teeth. Or have dentures. Or…

Who knows, I could live only a couple more years and it all won’t matter.

But if I keep on keepin’ on…am I gonna be able to pay for this?