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Parents can ruin your life.

I never remember a time when I wasn’t going to college. It was drilled into me from birth, along with the concept of becoming a professional, my father wanted me to be prepared for life, but the sixties and music interfered with that. Now during high school, good grades were important, for that was how you got into college. Do you see many schools are dropping the SAT? Hard to believe if you’re a boomer. Anyway, once I got to college my parents never asked me what my grades were, as long as I passed, that was cool. Although grading at Middlebury was notoriously strict, three B-minuses and a D put you on the Dean’s List. But when you applied to graduate school with your crummy grade point average no one factored in your alma mater, no one even knew Middlebury, not until they had that riot over Charles Murray a couple of years back, before that when I would say where I’d gone to college…on the east coast people would say, “Isn’t that in Connecticut?” and on the west coast I just got blank stares. That’s one of the reasons I love Southern California, where you went to college doesn’t matter, to a great degree you don’t have to have gone to college at all, assuming you’re working in the entertainment field, which is notoriously hard to stay in, careers are brief, if you have one at all.

So other than going to college, and becoming a lawyer after two years as a starving freestyle skier, my father had no other requirements. As for my mother? She just didn’t want you to stay home and be lazy, she insisted I sign up for every cultural opportunity at college, and there was endless cash for movies and concerts, and I went more than regularly, as an adult almost to a movie every night.

But my experience doesn’t seem to be most people’s. I’d always read about kids who left home at eighteen, who sometimes never even spoke to their parents again. But they didn’t come from Jewish families. Today kids never truly move out, whether it be physically or emotionally, they speak or Facetime with their parents every day. With inane questions about laundry…assuming they don’t live close enough to dump it on their mother. My parents were too busy living their lives. In college there was a call once a week, usually Sunday, when the rates were low, until everybody called on Sunday and the rates went back up. But if a Sunday was missed, then it would just be two weeks between calls, they didn’t need to check up on me.

But this is not the case with Johannes.

I had a girlfriend whose father tortured her. Led her down one path and just when she was in the groove, he’d shut the door. He’d hold money over her head, we’d end up talking about it all the time. He was on the continuum, but he was not quite as bad as Johannes.

We’re going to start a new streaming series tonight. I expect to do twenty or thirty minutes of research before we begin, on top of the hours I invested previously. I don’t want to waste my time. And last week I gave Felice four options:

1. “Tehran”

2. “Baghdad Central”

3. “Criminal Justice”

4. “Herrens Veje”

I was surprised she chose “Herrens Veje,” did she really want to watch a Danish show about a priest and his two sons?

Then again, the cop shows grow old, and Felice has a limited tolerance for violence, so “Herrens Veje)” it was.

I really didn’t know much about it. I had it listed under my Top of List list with two pluses after it, but I’d forgotten what it was about, but no other show had two pluses and I did a bit more research and I wasn’t completely titillated, but I decided to let Felice choose, I almost always choose (although it’s Felice who says to stop, if a series is not to her liking).

Scandinavia… Denmark is the most southern country, but just like the east coast environment I grew up in, it’s oftentimes gray, and what goes on inside is more important than what goes on outside. Actually, this is something I love and hate about Southern California. Everybody’s so into the external here that I can dismiss it, as being completely phony, but when I look to have an intellectual, analytical conversation, like Christian has with Mark, it is not so easy to find. Yes, on the east coast people talk on a higher level, and they want to be friends, but that comes at a cost, the constant judging and the weather.

But when Christian and Marc talk long after midnight…it reminded me of late nights in college, there’s nothing I like better than to talk until we’re talked out. That’s another thing sorely lacking in my life in Southern California.

So, Johannes is a priest in a long line of priests. Nine generations, in fact. And he wants his sons to continue the legacy. Is this who they really want to be? IT DOES NOT MATTER!

And Johannes is played by Lars Mikkelsen. You know him as Viktor Petrov in “House of Cards.” I didn’t buy him in that role, the substitute Putin. And then Mikkelsen was in “Borgen,” with seemingly the same attitude, I had a hard time not seeing him in “House of Cards” while I was watching it. But in “Herrens Veje”? Mikkelsen is completely believable as Johannes, a man who knows everything and tells everybody how to live their life.

The two sons are tortured. Christian jumped the track and is living a life of incompletion, and August has become a priest, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, but Johannes controls August too.

You know this kind of dad…something good happens to you and they spin it as something bad, to the point where you question your own choices, to the point where you hesitate telling them anything. The whole family is beholden to Johannes, August’s only ally is his doctor wife, but she can see Johannes clearly and is wary of paying dues and becoming a member of the cult.

Now the first season has a couple of hejiras that will blow your mind visually. In one location there’s action, in the other serenity, but you’re watching and you’re stunned they spent this much money on locations for a TV show. This is a first rate production.

For the Danish market.

We don’t really make TV shows like this in America. Not even movies anymore. Where not that much happens and what does is mostly cerebral. So if you’re looking for fast-paced action, “Herrens Veje” is not the place to find it. But if you’re looking for emotional interaction, turmoil, if you’re willing to investigate your life and your choices, it’s a home run. And unlike a movie, it’s got twenty episodes to stretch out into, so the story can go deep.

Now the second season is not as good as the first. There are only two stellar episodes, so I’m giving you permission just to watch the first season and stop. But if you make it that far, you won’t be able to, you’ll want to know what happened, how people handle it, you’ll be hooked.

And since the show is Scandinavian, there’s nudity and sex, they’re not uptight about showing those there. Actually, I think the internet is gonna make America less puritan… Remember when famous actresses didn’t want to do nude scenes? Well, if they’re gratuitous that’s one thing, but they’re not gratuitous in “Herrens Veje.”

And what is life about anyway? In America it’s about reaching a goal, or being on the bottom struggling, trying to keep your head above water. We’re all in each other’s business, it’s a giant pecking order, we’re always trying to measure up. But this is not the paradigm in Denmark…maybe because of the great safety net, you can afford to be who you want to be and that’s enough, assuming your parents will let you.

And the show gets so many things right. The woman who says she’s not interested but really is. And then the man finds himself caught between two lovers feeling like crap wondering what to do.

And who is the right person for you anyway? And can you truly divorce your family, should you?

Other than Lars, you won’t recognize a single actor, other than maybe Christian Tafdrup, who played the young TV exec in “Borgen,” and is the same sleazy jerk here. It’s almost like there’s a whole ‘nother world outside America. And that’s just the point, there is! You watch “Herrens Veje” and you realize people are people, just like Depeche Mode sang, but there are variations on the theme, and by the time the series is over you’re yearning to travel, that’s one of the benefits of foreign shows, assuming Covid is tamed and we can ultimately go places.

You know whether you’re the audience for “Herrens Veje” or not. If you never went to a foreign movie, if you abhor subtitles, steer clear. But if you constantly find yourself analyzing life, wondering about your direction and choices, this is right up your alley.

Too often shows that approach this sensibility are passion projects of name brand actors who we can’t believe in the roles and the focus is on everything but the story, there’s no room for nuance.

But there’s plenty of room for nuance in “Hessen Veje.”

“Herrens Veje” is the kind of show that will have you thinking, you’ll start analogizing elements of it to situations in your own life. And it’s not predictable. In America, the good guy always wins, it always works out in the end, but in “”Herrens Veje”..?