It’s like having your aunt kiss you at the graduation party. You know, the creepy old one who wears too much makeup and winks at you when you’re in the kitchen… The one who’s unmarried and seems to want to sleep with no one so much as YOU!

I get it Madonna. There’s ageism in the music business. But you can’t complain about it if you don’t ACT your age. You’re acting like a twenty year old. With all these publicity stunts, getting the brain dead press to fawn over you, because you give them access.

You can’t have a hit. So damn what. Everybody knows Top Forty is for kids. Like Trix. And now, with the internet, you can appeal to a different demo. But not you! Once upon a time you were a leader, now you’re running after a train that has left the station when everybody else is taking Uber.

What, did you think Coachella was the VMAs? Famous for train-wreck moments? Didn’t we already establish the audience is the star today? And if you walked the premises, youngsters would say…eewww!

But you’re backstage, living your hundred million dollar lifestyle. You want nothing to do with the public but you want it to have everything to do with you. Want people to care, get down into the pit with them!

But you’ve got to start with great music.

You made it in the MTV era, where it was all about visuals. Hell, you pushed it to the limit with that sex book. But now, more than ever, it’s about music. Does anybody know what Milky Chance even looks like? You’ve got it backward.

Furthermore, publicity is empty without a core product. Just look at tech. Hyped stuff dies every day. Actually, in tech you lead with the product. Which has to be honest and fulfilling for the user.

And I’d comment about your plastic surgery but you’d tell me how hard it is to be a woman in this society.

I’ll counter with how hard it is to be ANYBODY in this society! Where income inequality reigns and everybody’s out for themself.

But the good thing about the connected world is you can connect with your brethren. Outsiders can bond. You used to be a champion for outsiders, now you’re just a champion for yourself.

And you’re creeping us out.

So you’ll get ink for a day. No one will care tomorrow. And if anybody remembers, they’ll laugh at you, as opposed to when you writhed on the stage with your Boy Toy belt and we couldn’t believe you were testing limits.

Everybody has a window, especially in pop. Them’s are the rules.

You had a longer run than most.

And if you truly want to have a hit, call up Max Martin.

Then again, that’s what Taylor Swift did, and she may block you.

But even Ms. Swift’s era is gonna end. Because those are the pop rules. She could have been forever in country, but in the mainstream spotlight, we churn ’em out and burn ’em out. We know too much about you and then we don’t want to know anything at all.

So be like the rest of the has-beens. Go on tour at inflated prices playing to those who knew you when.

And if you want to grow up, emulate Billy Joel. He’s let himself age, he’s gained weight and has no hair. And he’s honest and believable.

And he puts out no new music.

BECAUSE NO ONE CARES!