My mother sneaks into the movies.

I’m here for a wedding. Actually, I already went. Saw Lloyd Blankfein, was dying to talk to him, but you know backstage rules, unless you’re introduced they never treat you right, so I didn’t.

Before that I stopped at the Varvatos store. That’s the power of Howard Stern, John dresses the King Of All Media, so I know who he is, and when I had time to kill before the ceremony I walked over to his emporium where I found this book about the influence of rock in fashion, actually, that’s the title of the book, you should check it out, I’d say to even buy it, it’s here:

John Varvatos: Rock in Fashion

Broken down into sections you can truly see how fashion and rock went hand in hand. I always think about the sixties and seventies being about taking the stage in your street clothes, but in retrospect, there was a scarf here, a hat there… If you’re trying to make it, or just interested in the game, buy this book, great coffee table conversation. To tell you the truth, I thought Varvatos’s fascination with rock was phony, but now I’m reconsidering.

So I flew on American, historically one of the worst airlines extant. But after its merger with US Airways and now the L.A. to NYC war, they’ve upgraded the planes, and seemingly the help too. The story is now the aircraft are two-thirds business and one third coach. And in business, it’s lie-flat seats, which was really good, because my tush still hurts, I’m still sitting on a donut. And while I was lying down, I saw a woman waiting for the bathroom and noticed she had a nice rear end. When she turned around, I realized it was that actress Carla Gugino, you know, from “Entourage.” She was flying with her boyfriend. How do I know? I Googled!

And the east coast is so green! And humid. You eat outside and everybody drives in a convertible and it almost makes you want to move back.

And the conversation! Not about what you wear but college date rape and Israel and…it’s funny how it’s one big country yet we’re all so different. But when they started talking about college, I was glad I lived in L.A. I don’t want to recall my SAT scores. And I’m old enough to know that where you go is only a start.

So it’s weird to see my mother and all her friends aging. Some have all their marbles, some don’t, and some are no longer here.

And what they want to talk about is real estate and their estates. It’s the great American conversation, what the value of your place is. My mother is unhappy that the value of her condo has gone down so far, there are too many vacancies in the building, and she’s wary about the empty units selling, since taxes are so high.

But her life is pretty good. She’s addicted to Netflix on her iPad. She’s going through documentaries now, she watched three while I was at the wedding.

And the Gray Panthers go to the movies, like the zombies did in “Dawn Of The Dead,” it’s what they know! And my mom is pointing out the multiplex and that’s when she tells us she doesn’t pay. She’s got it all worked out in her head, since she’s on a walker she goes in a separate entrance, if she ever gets caught she’s gonna say she thought her friend bought the ticket!

P.S. The food has been spectacular. Had to have fried clams, but what surprised me was the quality of the oysters, which are supposedly the same everywhere because of air freight. That would be untrue. These were spectacular! And, of course, I went to Carvel, which you can get in Westwood, but it brings me back to my youth. And today we went to Pepe’s Pizza. The white clam is one of America’s delicacies, with a thin crust and a nearly-burnt end, this would take over America if they spread it west.