THE VINYL REVOLUTION

It’s a hobby. Like stamp collecting. Albeit with a lot more press. Just because you spinners are yelling at the top of your lungs that does not mean the rest of us care. While you’re at it, why don’t you bring back dial telephones, typewriters, cathode-ray TVs, pagers…

AMBULATORY PEOPLE WITH HANDICAP PLACARDS

Have you no shame?

SPOTIFY SEARCH

Never underestimate the power of search. If we can’t find it, we can’t buy it or hear it or… Amazon has a whole division dedicated to search, hell, it even let the public utilize its engine once upon a time. Ever search for something and find yourself unable to find it on Amazon or iTunes? Rarely. The fundamentals are key. And while I’m at it, why does Spotify always freeze/pause? Is it because I’m not allocating enough space to P2P or bad code or..?

DISTRIBUTION

If I can’t find it in your store, after driving halfway across town, do you really expect me not to shop online, even if I have to pay the tax?

PLASTIC

Isn’t there any other way to distribute food items?

WOMEN IN GIANT SUVs WITH CHROME WHEELS

You know, their husbands made them buy them, so when they drive around town on the weekend they look like big swinging dicks, but their schlongs are probably tiny.

ACTS THAT DON’T REALIZE VIRALITY IS BASED ON MUSIC

Marketing comes after. Start with a great tune.

JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE IT, THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT TO LISTEN TO IT, READ IT OR OWN IT

I’ve got no time, especially for unwanted work. Why don’t I take you to the grocery store and make you buy SPAM. Then again, SPAM actually has a market!

TECHNOLOGICALLY INEPT BABY BOOMERS

They’ve got all the gadgets, but they don’t know how to use them. Ever hear of Google? It’ll tell you everything you need to know! Baby boomers are all sheen and no substance, they didn’t grow up with gadgets and they don’t want to put the time in to learn how to use them. Baby boomers are all about resting on their laurels and whining that it just ain’t the way it used to be.

THE LATE NIGHT WARS

Almost no one’s watching and no one’s doing anything new. It’d be like reading about the war between Styx and 38 Special every damn day.

TWITTER’S DECIMATION OF TWEETDECK

It was good before they bought it. Then they revamped it into unusability. Sometimes outsiders have more insight than you do.

TECH NEOPHYTES WHO THINK THEIR ADD-ON WILL TRIUMPH

Once upon a time spell checkers were standalone programs. Now they’re a FEATURE! If you’re building a tweak for a service, either do it for free or pray they buy you out. Because chances are if what you’re doing is worth anything, they’re going to replicate what you do and squash it.

RADIO BLOWHARDS

Who keep writing and e-mailing how terrestrial radio is a triumphant juggernaut. Yes, radio is where the most people go to listen today. Just like network TV was triumphant before NBC was trounced by Univision in the last book.

DOWNLOAD FREAKS

Streaming wins. Just like digital photography killed film. Just because you hear about something for a decade and it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it still won’t. Digital killed film seemingly overnight. Same deal with streaming. As for the public’s ignorance, unknowledgeable that playlists live on your handset and no bandwidth is required…he who complains loudest is always the most ignorant.

PSY’S NEW VIDEO

Everybody’s watching out of curiosity. It’s over, forget it.

ENTERTAINMENT PEOPLE WHO ARE TECH ENTREPRENEURS

It’s hard in life to do one thing. Bo Jackson played baseball poorly before he got injured in the NFL. Michael Jordan, the best basketball player of all time, couldn’t hit. So when the agency or the manager tells me he’s got a tech idea, I laugh. This is akin to getting a VC to settle a live show.

PROFESSIONAL ADVICE GIVERS

You know, the people online who tell you how to make it and charge you for the advice, not telling you first that you’ve got no chance. They’re just trying to find a new business after their old one in the industry evaporated.

COLLEGE

They don’t teach you how to think, they just graduate you in some irrelevant topic that you could learn on the job, like PR or the music industry. Just because you’ve got a sheepskin, that does not mean you’re entitled to a job.