‘Conan’ Falls Flat in Season 1
You can’t be mainstream in an indie backwater.
Few remember Zach Galifianakis had a late night show on VH1. I’d like to tell you it was good, that not only did it live up to the hype, but it’s a buried treasure, something you must seek out, like "Freaks and Geeks". But it was forgettable.
And from there Zach walked into the wilderness. Known as comedy clubs and late night pay cable, where he was on some touring expedition on Showtime that was so dry and boring, so poorly executed, no one could shine.
Then he did "The Hangover". Talent meets opportunity. Zach didn’t have to carry the whole show. And he triumphed, Zach’s a star, lovable now as opposed to hated as he was back then. Furthermore, he takes risks. Not only did he toke up on Bill Maher’s HBO political talkfest, he rendered the single best joke I’ve heard all year:
"I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but I live in a black neighborhood. Over there, they call it Ask body spray. If you don’t get that joke, then you’re not racist."
Zach’s making it on his talent, he’s not lost his outsider identity, and we love him for it.
Whereas Conan O’Brien always wanted to be accepted. Kind of like going to Harvard, you jump through the hoops while winking, saying you don’t really take it seriously, but you do.
That’s what the late night wars are all about. An establishment game played by ancient men generating so much money that ancient newspapers write about it.
But late night ratings have been nosediving, ever since Jay Leno came back.
Yes, you might think Jay’s a prick, but Conan didn’t have the ratings, he was never going to survive.
So if Conan had been Zach, he would have found his own level.
Actually, for a while, he did, he went on tour to the faithful.
But then he came back and signed a bizarre face-saving deal at TBS that was doomed from the outset. You don’t succeed by entering a dying arena and playing Poughkeepsie instead of NYC. This is like Dr. Luke taking his productions to Active Rock. Better yet, it’s like Tila Tequila playing the Gathering of the Juggalos. Everybody thinks they transcend boundaries, that if they’ve gotten mainstream press they’ve made it. But the true story is almost no one’s a star, and your only way of ascending is to be true to yourself and play by your own rules.
If you play solo acoustic guitar, you probably shouldn’t be playing arenas.
And just because you sold out an arena once, that doesn’t mean people care next week, can you say JONAS BROTHERS?
Is there anybody who thought this would work? Is there anybody who truly thinks Conan is a star? He’s the kid in math class who cracks you up, but he’s too tied to the old world to truly make it, he plays with a net.
Maybe a Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog movie, that was the funniest bit ever on Conan’s show. Albeit created by someone else. It was dangerous. Have you ever seen the Bon Jovi segment?
Conan needed to remain in the wilderness, he needed to let us find him, he needed to fine-tune his act, focus only on that which is truly him, like Dylan after his motorcycle accident.
If you make Top Forty music, your only venue is Top Forty radio stations. Without airplay there, you’re nowhere.
Conan off network is like Derek Jeter playing in the minor leagues, then again, Conan never had the triumphs of the Yankee superstar.
The mainstream is dying. The niches are triumphing.
But there’s no nexus. You’re either in one land or the other.
Conan’s a smart guy, I’m surprised he didn’t know this.
