Do I have iWork?

I’m the type of guy who needs everything to run right.  Yup, I go to the dealer and carefully delineate every flaw in my automobile.  That’s one reason I’m never going to buy another German car, not unless I get really rich, I took my machine to the Subaru dealer for routine service and they asked me what was wrong with it and I said NOTHING!

But my MacBook Pro had a flaw after installing the 10.6.5 update.

I’m no amateur.  I repair permissions before and after installing new software.  I used the combo update instead of the delta.  But subsequent to upgrading, my mouse froze after awakening my computer from sleep.

What did I do?

Repaired the permissions.  Reinstalled the update.  Reset the PRAM.  Trashed a few plist files.

No luck.

So I went to the Communities.

This is where you go if you have a Mac problem.  It’s under Support on the Apple page.  It’s peopled both by newbies and the experienced, like me, who need answers, who need perfection.

But alas, I found no solution.

So I called Apple.

I’ve got an extended warranty.  You’ve got to on a laptop.  You’d be amazed what happens.  And with AppleCare, they replace parts no questions asked, it’s expensive, but it’s great.

And AppleCare also comes with telephone support.  For three years.  I thought there’d be a long wait on Black Friday, but I got a live person almost instantly.  Who told me to reset the SMC and see.

Didn’t work.

But I got a case number and called back this morning.

And this tech was worse than the first.  That’s why I don’t call Apple.  I know more than they do.  Phone help is really for the uninitiated, those who don’t know how to check their own oil.

And this guy was telling me to reinstall the operating system, which is overkill, but finally, I got him to kick me upstairs.  Where the tech gave me an answer.  That there was no answer.  Others were calling in with the same problem.

Voila!

That’s exactly what I wanted to know.  Shy of a solution, I wanted to find out that it wasn’t me, that nothing could be done.  That’s my personality, one flaw and I’ll hunt it down forever.  But in this case that endless search would be fruitless.  Because the problem was on Apple’s end.

Not the biggest drawback.  If I unplug and plug the mouse back in, it works.

And while I was running a diagnostic program on my computer, that the high level tech had e-mailed me, he proffered the above question.  I thought it was a trick.  You know how warranty work goes.  IT’S THE CUSTOMER’S FAULT!  You added an aftermarket item, you screwed it up. Ain’t that America.  Supposedly reputable companies constantly wiggling their way out of liability.

But just before we got off the phone, five minutes later, the tech brought up iWork again.  Since I didn’t have it, since I wasn’t running it, could he send me a free copy for my troubles?

HUH?  You’re accepting responsibility and giving me a reward for reporting a problem?

What kind of crazy fucked up world does this happen in?

The Mac world.

Which is why if you’re not a member, you hate us.  Because we keep telling you stories like this.  How the Genius Bar fixed our problem for free. How our computers run so well that a minor flaw is noticeable and intolerable.

It’s like we’re fans of a band.  All moon-eyed, testifying.

And you’re either part of the club or you’re not.  That’s what bands and labels don’t realize.  That it’s hard to convince non-members of the tribe. We’re turned off by the constant hype, by the constant dunning.  But we are open to peer pressure.  When our friends love an act, we give it a chance.

That’s what’s selling Apple.  Friends.  People hear these amazing stories and take a chance.  And they become members of the cult and have insanely great experiences and drag their friends in too.  To the point where anything Apple sells, people will buy.  Just like you’ve got to have the latest work of your favorite act.

And those acts that triumph in the future will give great customer service.  The labels are lacking here, and the old school acts too.  It’s not about having a street team hailing those who don’t care, it’s about having problem-solvers, who can make sure fans get tickets, have a good experience and get their questions answered.

You see it worked.  On paper, it looks like Apple’s losing money.  Having its tech support in America, spending all this time on the phone, sending me free software.  But now I’m evangelizing.  I’m just telling you, you want to be a member of the cult.  You want people to take care of you, you want them to care about you.  Owning a Mac is like following the Grateful Dead.  Jerry took care of you.  Steve might not be as benevolent a character, but deep inside we believe he’s taking care of us too.