This book should be required reading for everybody who wants a career in rock and roll.

How do you make it?

You take one good-looking performer with focus and an unyielding desire to make it.

You connect said person with a manager willing to bend every corner, lie, cheat and steal in order to see his charge succeed so he can take his twenty percent.

And you get your songs written by Desmond Child.

Desmond is the unsung hero of the Bon Jovi story.  Reading this book, you realize that without him, Bon Jovi is just a band of big-haired wannabes with a minor radio hit featuring the piano playing of a member of the E Street Band.

Oh, where to begin.

This book was written by Rich Bozzett, Bon Jovi’s original tour manager.

I don’t know about you, but from the time I was conscious I remember my father telling me I was going to college.  It was not an issue of choice.  He demanded it.  Had it inserted in my DNA.  If I’d dropped out, not only would I have been cut off financially, he would have killed me.  Literally.  That might not be his intention, but his rage would have gotten the better of him.  I know, I saw that rage in action.  I remember bringing home a bad report card.  My father took me out to the garage and started banging my skis on the concrete floor.  I wasn’t so worried about these wooden Northlands, I was just stunned that an adult could lose control in this way, could almost be foaming at the mouth.

My dad wanted to protect me.  Wanted to make sure I didn’t earn a living with my hands.  That I used my brain to get ahead.

Jon Bon Jovi’s parents lived by their hands.  His father was a hairdresser and his mother a florist.  Maybe this is what imbued him with a desire to make it, to escape the almost poverty of his upbringing.

But in order to make it, you need a team.  Which is how he got hooked up with Doc McGhee and Rich Bozzett.

Doc McGhee wanted to make it in the world of rock management.  That requires money.  Sure, you can get rich if your band breaks through, but how are you going to keep that band on the road in the meantime?  In Doc’s case, by dealing dope.

And his man on the touring front, Rich?  He’s an uneducated bloke who gets mixed up on a dope run to Colombia where the plane gets hijacked and ultimately crashes in the Caribbean and…

Who makes choices like this?

People without opportunities.  Rich details the sad saga of his best buddy Richie Fisher, who ended up in a psych ward after trying to commit suicide by jumping off the Waldorf Astoria.  Richie’s big job before that?  Road manager for Motley Crue.

And there are certainly some Crue tales here.  But the really interesting story is of the crew itself.  The ragtag bunch of dope fiends, you’ve got to be high to do this job, setting up and tearing down every day you’ve got to be up, yet able to sleep.  You can only do this with the aid of pharmaceuticals.  You work for almost nothing, then you’re thrown upon the scrapheap.  Like Rich Bozzett.

Do I believe every word of this book?  Hell, his description of record royalties is so off it throws into question the veracity of so much more.  And obviously he wrote the book because he’s pissed, he never got his promised 5% of Bon Jovi.

Then again, I know this story.  Bands will screw you not only to make it, but to keep it.  The music business is a microcosm of life at large.  Everybody trying to get some bread when there’s not enough to feed all the hungry mouths.  What would you do if confronted by famine?  What laws would you break?  What choices would you make?  Meanwhile, the record companies hide behind a facade of legitimacy when they’re the biggest thieves of all.

But the real story is Bon Jovi just didn’t have enough talent.

Jon highlighted his hair upon the advice of stylists.  Research was done amongst the target demo in order to plot direction.  But after the second album stiffed, there was no road to success, because Bon Jovi, the band, just couldn’t write hit material.

And that’s when Doc McGhee brought in Desmond Child.

Would David Krebs or John Scher have made the same move?  They wanted to manage Bon Jovi too.  But Jon went with the upstart. Sometimes you want someone hungry.  And as important as money is, it’s the idea that ultimately triumphs.

They wrote "Livin’ On A Prayer" the very first day.  In a bedroom in Jon’s house.  Jon, Richie Sambora and Desmond.  According to Bozzett, it was all about Diane Lane.  Who could party harder than any member of the band and ended up partying too hard with Richie when Jon thought she was HIS girlfriend.  Mmm…

Then again, what broke up the band after "New Jersey" was money.  Because Jon thought it was all about him.  And the four others were getting screwed.

You pay your dues, work ultra hard, but eventually you want yours.  Do you get it?

Rich never got his 5%.  If only he had a lawyer.  But did he have an educated father, did he grow up in an environment where people said it was wise to pay a little now to make a lot later?  I doubt it.

Then again, Jon’s wife-to-be, Dorothea, was afraid to order room service in the early days, for fear Jon would become incensed over the expenditure.  I’ve got to give Jon credit.  How many acts have started off broke and ended up broke because they didn’t know the value of a dollar.

This book is horribly written.  It’s one man’s viewpoint.

But I know it’s true.

I’ve worked in the music business.  I’ve met these characters.  It’s one field where education is not a requirement to play.  You’re thrown in with a bunch of rapacious scoundrels, and only the smartest, with the sharpest elbows, succeed.  If you haven’t been ripped off, if you haven’t been physically threatened, you’re not in the music business.

This is one man’s tale.  Published by an outfit I’ve never heard of.  I’m sure major publishers passed, they didn’t want the lawsuits, didn’t want to get on Jon’s bad side.  As a result, impact will be limited.

The supposed draw is black and whites from an aborted publicity shoot with naked girls.  You can see better stuff on the Internet for free.

But you can’t find the true story of how one inexperienced, uneducated limousine driver did whatever he was told to earn a one in a million shot as the right hand to the biggest band in the world only to lose it all six years later.

Actually, that’s a long ride in this business.

You’ve never heard of Rich Bozzett.  And there are a zillion more faceless people who work to make these bands succeed you’ve also never heard of.  You can’t do it alone.  As Rich Bozzett says, be loyal and take care of the little people, keep your promises.

Then again, without Jon.  Without Doc.  Without Desmond.  You’ve got nothing.

The best team can’t do anything with a stiff.

A mediocre team can have some success with a highly-talented performer.

But combine a great team with a great front man and you can achieve world domination.

But I know my father was right.  You’re better off going to law school.  Or becoming a doctor.  You want to be a professional, with a leg up.  Otherwise, you’re Rich Bozzett, pledging fealty to people who need you today, but discard you like a dishrag tomorrow.

Sex Drugs and Bon Jovi

http://www.sexdrugsbonjovi.com/