That’s what it said in the book I’m reading, "One Day", by David Nicholls.

I could tell you who says it and how it comes up, but that might ruin the book, and although I can’t fully recommend it, there are gems, there is insight, one is not reading just for plot, then again, I’m wondering how it all turns out, I’ve got an inkling…

But this one concept stuck with me.

Because I’m bad with people.

Oh, not really.  It’s not like I’m nonverbal.  It’s just that…I’ve got no time for phonies and I can’t make irrelevant small talk and if you’re truly boring I’m gonna probably gain my exit in a way that will offend you and definitely avoid you thereafter.

So, I felt a bit wounded when I read this.  Because I know it’s true.  I learned it in psychotherapy.  I’m working on it.

But it stuns me how many people are in my camp.  Who don’t know it’s how you interact that’s important, not where you went to school, not even who your parents are.  Sure, a Yale degree might get you in the door, your powerful dad might get you the gig, then what?

We’ve got two camps.  The uneducated who believe it’s all about fame, the "Jersey Shore" brigade, and the entitled who think life is like Boy Scouts, it’s about earning merit badges.

You know why so many of the people in the music business are successful despite being college dropouts?

They’re good with people.

Don’t confuse this with being nice to people.  They’re not mutually exclusive, but being able to manipulate is a skill that oftentimes pays more rewards than being nice.

Most powerful person in the music business right now?

Everyone agrees it’s Irving Azoff.  What you don’t know about Irving Azoff if you don’t know him is that he’s charming.  His conversation always lets on that he knows who you are and that he remembers your previous conversations.  He pokes fun at himself, makes jokes.  And it’s this intimacy that allows him to continue relationships with those he blows out of the water, who he manipulates.

Jason Flom?

He’ll tell you he doesn’t know something.  It’s so disarming.  Powerful people are supposed to be all powerful.  Without weakness.  Can you imagine Jimmy Iovine saying he doesn’t know something?

Can’t.  But Jimmy’s incredible with his artists.  He speaks their language, he supports them, he’s on their side.  If the public’s got a problem with him, he doesn’t really mind.  Jimmy’s not selling to you, his artists are.

So when you’re interacting with someone, trying to get ahead, remember that what you’re selling is secondary to the way you’re selling it.  Of course, sometimes the opposite is true, you’re so hot that everybody wants to be in business with you.  But beware, if you’re not nice, that Allen Toussaint song applies:

The same dude you misuse on your way up
You might meet up
On your way down

People don’t like unsolicited e-mail.  They don’t like to be yelled at, certainly if they’re not at fault.  You may have gotten an A in Statistics, but that don’t mean diddly-squat unless you work in a locked room at a corporation, staring at the screen, talking to no one.

Kind of like…me.

This interface, the computer, the Internet, allows me to connect with people sans so many of my anxieties, sans the issue of people wasting my time (the problem is those who do it don’t realize it, but you’re the people who call me on the phone and make it all about you…)

I’ve come a long way in being able to navigate the nasty waters of social interaction.  Especially the seas that are inherently uncomfortable.  Sure, it’s great when there’s an instant click, frequently those are the people you end up doing business with. But not always, because the click is secondary to efficiency.  But the click triumphs if all else is equal.

So no one cares where you went to college, certainly not in the music business.

But they’re very interested in who you know.  They want to be able to check references and find out if you show up on time, if you complete the assigned task, if you can be counted on.

It’s hard to break through if you know no one.

But being angry and confrontational with everyone you meet won’t pay dividends, not unless you’re already a big swinging dick.