That’s HORSESHIT!

No, I’m not afraid of putting that in the title.  It’s just that if I do, this missive won’t pass through your spam filters.  Hell, for those of you working at companies hyping supposedly limit-testing acts, it probably won’t pass through your company filters now that I’ve actually spelled the word out in this missive.  Because that’s how afraid of plain English this country is.  And if you are protected from reality, how can you know the truth?

And speaking of the truth…

Every time I write about Taylor Swift, and let’s be clear, I’ve foamed at the mouth plenty, I get e-mail from people, true pros, people I know, with big jobs, that she’s auto-tuned to death, not only on record, but live.  Sour grapes?  None of these people are involved with Ms. Swift.

But now I know they’re right.

Because I just caught Ms. Swift’s opening monologue, a song, on SNL.

Holy shit, she can’t sing a lick.

It’s like when you’re in the car and someone pipes up, singing along to the song on the radio, and you start to cringe, and ultimately need to say something, telling them to shut up, because their voice is so bad.

Believe me, I know I’ve got a bad voice.  But I don’t try to be a professional singer.

And we’re not talking Bob Dylan here.  Forget about the goose farts on his Christmas album (notice how now that it’s dropped no one is saying a word…it’s just that bad), Dylan was a student of the art, and in his heyday could sing rings around Ms. Swift.  Ms. Swift couldn’t even make the high school glee club.  Not even the junior high version.  Hell, I know, I made it once then got kicked off.

What were they thinking here?

I could blame Ms. Swift, but she’s not old enough to know better.

But her handlers are.

Why reveal the truth?  They almost even had me faked out.  But watching this execrable performance I’m questioning the entire product.  She can’t sing, there are co-writers…  Sure, she’s got pure desire, but how much is real underneath?

Believe me, the albums are great.  But what kind of fucked up world do we live in where to make it as an act, you don’t even have to sing well?

I mean it’s one thing if you’re doing comedy.

Then again, My Son The Nut, Allan Sherman, had a better voice than Ms. Swift.

But the handlers got too greedy, they didn’t know their limits.  Like Master P, trying to play professional basketball.  Worse, Michael Jordan trying to play professional baseball.  But at least Mr. Jordan was a professional athlete.

This is the greatest case for preserving mystery in the Internet era.  Hell, you didn’t see J. Lo singing on SNL.  Why deflate the golden goose?  Do you really need this victory lap?

Call it hubris.

Not the first time we’ve seen this in the music business.

Taylor Swift Monologue

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Subject:     Re: NewsChannel 5 Investigates

Great article Bob, per usual.  It’s the age of accountability and you’re doing your part. 

I had an interesting thing at the TAXI Music Convention this weekend in Los Angeles and I thought you might enjoy it.  I’ll tell you the quick story and then tag on what I sent to TAXI’s forum about it – still waiting for a response.  Now first up – TAXI does wonderful things for independent artists but one seminar I went to was too much.  Briefly:

Class was "Acheiving Success with your Music" by Sydney Alston.
Sydney has numerous credits including being a Product Specialist for Discmakers and formerly of the band "Joyride"
He encouraged sharing email lists with other bands to grow your own and then use that to work corporate sponsorships by selling your email list.
He also said that Discmakers were the only company worth making cds with
He also encouraged folks to take any email that you come across and put it on your band’s mailing list and followed that up with "Let them decide that they don’t want to be on my list."

That’s the gist of it but below is what I sent to TAXI.  

Thanks for listening Bob – you are one of the beacons of hope in this "industry".  I’ve learned so much from your newsletters that it has really helped me in my career.  Trying to figure out how to say – you’ve created a sense of concience and a moral code that I believed in before I even read a word you wrote.

I would love to know your thoughts on this.

—
Bobbo
www.thefallenstars.com

To TAXI:

I really struggled with whether or not to post this but I think it’s important. While I got so much out of all the classes I went to this weekend, I had some significant concerns about the Achieving Success with Your Music seminar with Sydney Alston. It wasn’t the fact that the session was a Discmakers “infomercial” disguised as a class, though that was certainly irritating. It wasn’t even the fact that Sydney clearly stated he didn’t write his own presentation, but rather it was supplied to him by the president of Discmakers, which was pretty surprising considering the general high caliber of TAXI presenters.

No, what bothered me was that I believe some of the information provided was misleading at best and downright unethical and possibly illegal at worst, and this is not the type of behavior that should be recommended as a best practice by the TAXI or any music community.

Sydney was talking about his time in his band Joyride and how he and other bands “shared” their email list with each other. This got him over 40,000 names on his email list. With this list he was able to secure endorsement deals with Jagermeister, Trojan Condoms and record companies’ interest – in return for giving these companies access to his compiled email list. He also said that he would add any email address that he came across, in any context – band-related or not – to his email list and "Let them decide that they don’t want to be on my list." This sounds suspiciously close to email harvesting and spamming to me.

I treat my mailing list like family. I don’t share it with anyone else – I’ve been offered endorsement deals where they have asked for our mailing list and I have turned them down. I use an opt-in subscription based system to manage my list. Each email specifies that folks are receiving the email because they signed up with our band’s mailing list and provides an "Unsubscribe" option if they so choose.

After doing some research today into the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003, I was surprised to discover that email harvesting is only illegal if the website provider has explicitly stated that they will not make that information available to other parties. As of today I will also be adding the following statement to my website and mailing list tools, “We will not give, sell, or otherwise transfer your email address to anyone else. Ever.”

It’s important to me that our fans know we value their privacy and believe that any violation of that privacy is a gross misuse of the trust they placed in us.

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From: Dean DeWulf
Subject: RE: Public Service Announcement

Big fan of Ian’s work – he gets it and is continuing to set trends in
exposing artists online in a very real and effective way by empowering fans – making them feel integral to the band’s success. His efforts never come off as a PUSH, but enable the user to PULL. His platforms always maximize opportunity and there’s a reason he’s got the connections he does. He’s able to operate on very low overhead so that if something doesn’t work he can just refocus his efforts. If something doesn’t work under the traditional model, the label loses millions and the band gets shelved or dropped.

The antithesis of Ian’s work can be viewed right now on the iTunes home page – the Free video of the week – "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha. It’s an absolute abomination. The first several pages are ALL negative and then you see blatant label intervention to write the review ship with "rave" reviews that are completely fabricated.

iTunes loses credibility as a taste maker with overtly-commercial placements like that. It’s a shame because they are in such an awesome position of power to expose real talent. I suppose too many thirteen-year-old girls are reacting to this kind of garbage for them to care right now, but it will catch up eventually.

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Subject: Re: Widespread Panic At The Orpheum

One can also contend that Widespread Panic isn’t afraid of putting their necks on the line either. Every show is for sale on LiveWidespreadPanic.com. Not just selected shows. Every show. If they play a bad show, it still goes up. The fans will let them hear it, too. Reviews for lackluster shows while George McConnell was playing guitar (after founding guitarist Michael Houser died in 2002) were absolutely scathing. Imagine what would happen in the corporate offices if one night, Britney’s live vocal was too scratchy? They’d issue a press release on "LiveBritney.com" saying some bullshit like "We apologize for those who were hoping to download the show they saw, but our ProTools rig quit in the middle, blah blah blah".

Artistic transparency. What a concept!

Matt O’Donnell

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From: Marc Friedenberg
Subject: CUSTOMER SERVICE???? FUCK THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob,

This falls under the "WHAT KIND OF CRAZY, FUCKED-UP WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHERE…" catagory…

As you know, my wife passed away in October.  Her name is on the Time Warner Cable bill.  So I go to my local Time Warner Cable office with a copy of the death certificate in hand, drivers license for my proof of residence, etc.  They actually tell me that to simply change the name on the account they would have to close out "her" account and open a "new" account in my name — AND THAT THEY ARE GOING TO CHARGE ME MORE THAN OUR PREVIOUS MONTHLY CHARGES!!  I gave them every opportunity to make sure they understood exactly what I was trying to do (ie. I’m NOT asking to add any more channels, boxes, etc.).  They insist this is what must happen.  Obviously, I lost my shit and walked out — and immediately placed calls into Direct and Dish.

CUSTOMER SERVVICE????????????  FUCK THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!