Apple’s gonna win the smartphone war.

I’m never going back to AT&T.  Some of the worst voice connections (or should I say DISCONNECTIONS) I’ve ever experienced.  As for the vaunted 3G…every time I use someone’s iPhone they’re on EDGE, even though I’m getting 3G on Verizon.  Yes, I’m on Verizon.  I switched back in 2003, and I’m HAPPY!

Except for the fact that I can’t get an iPhone.

I use a BlackBerry.  It’s the king of e-mail.  After that…

I’m rationalizing my plight by saying it’s all about voice anyway.  But I’ve got a bad case of handset-envy, I want an iPhone.  But I’m not gonna get one.  Not yet. Not until you can get one on Verizon, when the company goes to 4G and uses the standard GSM protocol.

They sell you these two year contracts, but these devices don’t LAST two years!  The BlackBerry I’ve got, which I actually got as a gift, after I dropped my previous one in the gutter and fried it, is barely two years old.  I had to replace the trackball.  But the off button?  For the last week it’s been almost unusable. I’ve been waiting for my new BlackBerry, the Tour 9630, which arrived today, at 3PM, via FedEx.

I’m gonna be cool for about a month.  Unless people think it’s a Bold.  The Tour is the latest and the greatest, the best BlackBerry made, only to be eclipsed in the fall when they add in Wi-Fi to the same device.  But I can’t wait.

So I activated the thing and then…

My e-mail accounts didn’t show up.

Finally, I called Verizon.  After layers of voice mail prompts I got someone real who couldn’t possibly answer my question but wanted to take down all my vital signs as if she was going to perform a lobotomy.  I hate to get angry with people who are just doing their job, but what’s the point in giving her all this information she doesn’t understand, describing a problem that she’s already demonstrated she doesn’t comprehend?  I made her transfer me immediately.

To someone who started troubleshooting and then told me…I was paying too much.

Here’s where it gets complicated, here’s where you can skip ahead.

I can save ten dollars, even though it should be fifteen, if I switch to a cheaper BlackBerry plan, since I don’t use an exchange server.  I actually know what an exchange server is, but what I’m most concerned with is the unlimited data.  The cheaper plan does not say unlimited.  The woman says to trust her.  ARE YOU KIDDING?

I ask her to show me where on the Web it says unlimited, ’cause I can foresee getting a $500 bill that I won’t be able to escape from.  She can’t find it, she says to trust her again.  I ask to be bumped upstairs.

Where the guy understands my problem and says there’s confusion yet convinces me it’ll all be cool and gives me a one month credit since they changed the plan eons ago, I could have been saving ten dollars for a year and a half!

As for why it’s ten not fifteen…  I’ve got a legacy account, and I’m paying five dollars less.  But to go to this new, cheaper plan, they’ve got to change my voice plan.  Which the previous woman said was no different but this guy says is different, just not in applicable ways.  Huh?

I may be too informed.  This is how they screw you.  Getting you off legacy plans and then informing you you can’t switch back.  But life is too short, I said o.k.

Meanwhile, during all this haggling over price my e-mail suddenly works!

But try getting contacts on the damn thing!

I’ve got to delete the old Missing Sync, buy and install the new one, both on my computer and BlackBerry, and I hit so many holes I feel like Princess Diana, I want to protest the existence of land mines, but finally I get the BlackBerry contacts transferred.

But it gets worse.  Try customizing the settings!

The device does not come with an extensive manual.  And there may be one on the disc, but it’s not Mac-compatible!

And for this I paid the equivalent of $500 and $100 a month?

And I’m TECH-SAVVY!

As for the masses…

I’m sure they can get someone to set up their e-mail.  Maybe even get someone to customize their profile, so the phone rings and when you get e-mail it buzzes, after that…  A smart computer?  The BlackBerry is dumb!

You don’t have these problems on an iPhone.  You sync to iTunes, which is platform-independent.  And if you’ve truly got problems, you can go to the Genius Bar…

So, if you’re locked into AT&T, get an iPhone.  And don’t even bother wrestling with the phone company, go straight to Apple.

And if you’re on Verizon…  If you want e-mail only, stay with the BlackBerry.  If you want more…  Shit, can I say to go to AT&T??

Blackberry Tour