I had to sit in the middle.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll pay extra, switch flights, switch DAYS just to avoid flying in the middle.

I was wondering if it was all psychological, then I was squeezed between a fat guy and Felice on the way home from Denver and it was BEYOND claustrophobia, his adipose tissue was pouring over either side of the armrest, like it was made to make me feel uncomfortable.

Actually, I booked home on Saturday night to avoid this fate.  But when the blizzard hit, I was thrilled just to be on Sunday’s plane.

And when I get on…  There’s one of those big guys sitting by the window.  You know, the type airplanes are not made for.  Who are not overweight, but are in excess of six feet and are genetically-designed to play football.  They can’t keep their knees straight, they don’t FIT!

And I’m waiting for the aisle guy.  Just knowing it’s going to be some overweight person who’s going to squeeze me in, make me feel like I need a mobile shrink to get through the flight.

But just before they close the cabin door, this vision appears.  From another dimension.  It’s fourteen degrees Fahrenheit, I had to don my gloves just to make it from the hotel to the car, but this guy…is dressed in shorts.  With a matching top.  You know, Adidas fashion.  The kind guys who wish they could play basketball wear at the beach.  And this ain’t navy, nothing subtle, this outfit is ELECTRIC BLUE!

And he’s not carrying a coat, not a bag, not a magazine, absolutely NOTHING!

What the fuck is this guy going to do for five hours?  Is he just going to TAP HIS TOES?

Turns out clutched in his left hand he had the one device that can solve all your problems, connect you and entertain you and grant you status at the same time, an iPhone.

You’ve got to go to Canada.  They’re RIM CRAZY!

In case you’re out of the loop, the BlackBerry is made in Canada, by Research In Motion, otherwise known as RIM.  They’ve even got a music store attached to the damn thing.  Everybody up there’s got one.  You might be begging for a record deal, but you’ve got a BlackBerry.  But a BlackBerry is no match for an iPhone.

I hate AT&T.  First and foremost, I want to use my hand-held as a PHONE!  I want to drive across town and never lose the connection.  If you believe AT&T is sufficient, you probably believe the RIAA lawsuits will end P2P piracy.  You can live in denial, but that doesn’t change the facts, AT&T SUCKS!  Hell, "Consumer Reports" said T-MOBILE was better!

As for EDGE…  I had to prove at dinner that Michael Cohl had assumed the chairmanship of Live Nation, so I just pulled the story up on my browser, that’s what EVDO delivers.  High speed Web access.

And there’s no push e-mail, not if you want to use your own domain.  The reasons for not getting an iPhone are LEGION!

But I want one.

While we were debating the future of the music business in Toronto, Steve Jobs was standing on a stage in Silicon Valley introducing the iPhone SDK, its software development kit.  Delivering Exchange server capability.  Why is it that tech  announcements are more interesting than record drops?  I mean what matters most, the new apps for the iPhone, or the new Coldplay record?

And this guy reaches into the seat pocket in front of him.  And extracts the safety card, you know, the one you never read.  And he starts folding it up.  What, is he a fan of origami?  NO!  He’s making a viewing stand for his iPHONE!

Yup, he got it supported at the proper angle and he fired up HIS OWN MOVIE!  Fuck the one on the monitor, that we had to wait to start.  This guy began watching before we even took off.  Some gangster flick from what I could see.

All the Hollywood folk are laughing.  Saying no one wants to view a film on a tiny screen.  Just like the music business said no one wanted to listen to shitty sounding MP3s.  But it turns out the public ain’t listening, the public has left the station.

The screen isn’t that tiny on the iPhone.  Turn it sideways and you can watch a flick.  Maybe not at home, but certainly when you’re in the back seat of your parents’ car!

And as soon as we landed, this chap turned his iPhone around, touched a button and made a call, arranging transportation.

I’m with you, none of these devices mean shit without content.  But don’t believe the old saw that content is king.  Content ain’t king, DISTRIBUTION IS KING!  And now, distribution is in the hands of the proletariat and everything is free.  The movie and music businesses might THINK they still control distribution, but nothing could be further from the truth.  Rather than fight the tech geniuses, they’d better get in bed with them.

Teach Steve Jobs a lesson?  He’s not missing a wink of sleep.  He’s got the device, and it’s cooler BY FAR than any of its competitors.  Get in bed with this guy.  Because the iPhone runs Mac OS X, the real deal.  Not some wimped-out version.  That iPhone?  It’s a hand-held COMPUTER!

And I’ve got an iPod Touch, which is commonly known as an iPhone for Verizon users.  But do I really want to carry two devices everywhere I go?

I carry my BlackBerry.  But its learning curve is as steep as a double black diamond.  It may be powerful, but I can’t harness those horses.  Whereas an iPhone can be learned INSTANTLY!  It makes SENSE!

Don’t consider this an ad for Apple.  They don’t need me.  Excellence and word of mouth are selling their products.  Consider this a heads-up.  That we’ve eviscerated the soul from our business.  Innovation is not to be seen in either the product or the selling thereof.  The public knows this.  They’re not restricted.  They’re gravitating to solutions.

Movie studios should sell all flicks via iTunes for bupkes.  At least make all of them available for rental right after theatrical release.  This is the future.  You can join it now, or be out of a job.