Who gives a shit if the Stones leave EMI.  If I were Guy Hands, I’d say GOOD RIDDANCE!

That’s what the label needs, another one-sided deal with a hefty advance just to show the industry they’re still in business.  Shit, isn’t this one of the reasons the majors are in trouble to begin with, paying outrageous advances to acts that don’t earn it back?

You know what Mr. Hands can tell Mick Jagger?  I’ll pay you NO advance and an incredible royalty rate.  You don’t have to go to Wal-Mart, you can make money right here.

And Jagger can’t go to Wal-Mart.  Because the Stones don’t sell much new product.  Never have.  There is a catalogue business, but Wal-Mart doesn’t stock catalogue!  No, the Stones need someone who can distribute all of their post ABKCO stuff, from "Sticky Fingers" on.  They need a traditional label.

They can’t even go with Michael Cohl, there’s no infrastructure there.  Maybe a hefty payment, but it’s hard to get ahead when you’ve got no product in the marketplace.  Sure, eventually everything will be digital, and anybody, even an individual, can make a deal with iTunes.  But iTunes/Amazon/digital isn’t going to dominate, not even close, when the Stones’ deal with EMI expires in March.

There’s history here.  Richard Branson was done with the record business.  He wanted out.  He deplored the headaches and wanted to invest in new businesses.  But Virgin Records wasn’t sexy enough.  It didn’t have enough marquee artists.  So he signed the Stones after their Atlantic contract expired.  The lovable Ahmet didn’t want to make the deal, it was too rich for his blood.  And it was too rich for Branson’s blood too.  But not for EMI’s.  Which purchased Virgin for an inflated price, partly based on getting the Stones, even though the Stones had never ever released a record on Virgin.  And, as stated above, their albums did not have a great track record for moving product.  But EMI wanted market share.  They wanted to impress investors.  And investors thought the Stones were the world’s greatest rock band.  And the world’s greatest rock band sells a shitload of records, right?  Wrong.

Robbie Williams.  His last record stiffed.  Certainly dropped significantly in sales.  Was that because his label dropped the ball or the public was just over him?  Or maybe, he released a substandard record.  Robbie claims to still be a superstar, but is he?

And everybody talking about McCartney leaving EMI…  Give me a break.  Who else was going to pay him what Starbucks did?  Certainly not a major label.  No major label was going to pay a fortune to lose money.  Only Starbucks, as a way to break into the label business, as a way to sell coffee.  This is not an EMI flaw, the deal just didn’t make sense.

All those deals no longer make sense.  And Guy Hands is finally admitting it.  It takes a newbie to state the obvious.  That the old model is dead.  You can’t start behind the eight ball, everybody’s got to share in the upside.  More of a joint venture than an exorbitant advance against royalties.

The Stones are mercenary.  The utter fucking worst.  Will their financial footsteps be as nimble now that Prince Rupert has retired?  I doubt it.  But we do know they’re positively old school.  They’ll go to the entity that pays them the most.

Let’s not talk about the movie soundtrack.  Hell, didn’t Best Buy have an exclusive on their DVD box?  I’m sure there’s some loophole in their contract that allows them to take the soundtrack to the Scorsese film elsewhere.  But this is not significant.  This is not a diss on EMI.  So they go to Universal, which has a great operation.  But it’s positively old wave.  All the innovation Guy Hands is talking about is not in evidence at Universal.  Doug Morris is waiting for Congress to approve blowing up traders’ computers, possibly lynching them in the town square, he thinks he can beat this thing, he believes the good old days are just around the corner.

But the future is here.  It’s about niche.  It’s about transparent accounting after reasonable expenditures in production and marketing.  It’s not about rolling the dice for the big money, it’s about eking out nickels.  God, even the Stones don’t sell out anymore.  Everyone’s seen ’em.  How many times can you be ripped off?

And I love listening to "Let It Bleed", all the classic records.  But I don’t need "Bigger Bang", and based on anemic sales neither does anybody else.  Maybe a new Led Zeppelin album would sell, maybe a Pink Floyd collection of new material would be scooped up (AND PAID FOR!) by millions.  But just about every classic act, especially those that have not gone away, that have been on the road, that are still in the marketplace, cannot GIVE AWAY new material.  The audience doesn’t want it.  They just want the hits, each and every one of them for their exorbitant fee paid.  Hell, if you don’t play the hits the people are PISSED!

What a far cry from the seventies.  When the band played the new album.  When the STONES played the new album.  But when Page and Plant toured together, even though they had a new album in the marketplace, by the end of the tour they were barely playing it, people didn’t want to hear it, they talked and went to the bathroom when the new material was played.

The curse of success.

Then again, you can sell those fucking tickets.

So, if you’re worried about your image, sign the dinosaurs.  You’ll get a ton of press.  But, after you pay them, you’ll be positively frightened.  For you’ll see you won’t make any money.  And the fact that the crusty oldsters are on your label won’t impress those you truly need to do business with, the young ‘uns.

We’ve lived through the industry circle jerk for far too long.  The past is done.  We need a new era.  If somebody comes knocking on your door, promising wares that don’t exist, for which there will be incredible demand, wanting beaucoup bucks for the opportunity to distribute the tracks, PASS!  Just tell them you’d rather invest in Apple than the act.  The return is better.  But if you want to BUILD something, then the label is interested.

But superstars don’t want to build anything.  They just want their MONEY!  Like drug lords.  They’re entitled to their money.  No one says no to them.  Until now.  Guy, LET THEM GO!