Why does everybody have to dress like a slut?

You walk down the sidewalk convinced these girls want you to throw them to the ground and do the wild thing right there. But are they even appealing to you, or are they really dressing for the other girls?

Think about SUVs. Do these women truly believe we’re impressed they drive a truck big enough to haul hay? Is that what they think we want, someone who can beat us in a demolition derby? Yup, I’m driving down the highway, trying to see over the slow weaving dame on the cell phone, and as I pass her, and am exposed to her bleached hair and sunglasses the size of a picture window, I’m thinking to myself, I WANT TO HIT THAT! Are you kidding me?

I’m not saying that appearances don’t turn me on. But it’s not about fashion, but what you radiate. And what today’s youth (and the oldsters imitating them) want to put forth is I’M ONE STEP AWAY FROM THE POLE! COME GET ME BEFORE THEY START CLIPPING DOLLARS TO MY GARTER!

Huh?

If you’re intelligent, the women hate you. Maybe because they can’t compete with that. If Hillary Clinton loses the presidential election it won’t be because men are down on her, but women. Who does that bitch think she is? Why doesn’t she get behind the wheel of her SUV with a latte and sit in traffic talking about her nails like the rest of us?

Yes, that inane conversation on the cell phone. It’s not about world peace. It’s about the latest nail salon. Or what Ginny did to Jennifer. Men’s eyes roll into the back of their heads when they’re exposed to this gossip. What exactly about this behavior do girls think APPEALS to us?

Or maybe it’s the dogs. So small you’d squish one on the way to take a whiz. Yup, that’s what I want while I’m doing the nasty, some insect-sized pooch staring me in the face, whimpering.

And why do they have dogs ANYWAY? Because they can’t relate to men, can’t keep a relationship, because they need some COMPANIONSHIP?

Want to get in most men’s pants, talk sports.

Not gonna work with me, but it’s good if you’re playing the law of averages.

And if you don’t want to do that, don’t try to change your guy, don’t tell HIM what to wear, just give him a social schedule and listen to his stories. That’s all we want, someone to lean upon. We can’t lean upon girls who only eat on days with T’s in them. We don’t want to fuck a pickup stick. We want a little warmth, not someone who has to sleep under twelve comforters to avoid freezing.

Who do we blame? Paris Hilton?

Hate to tell you this girls, but Paris Hilton was BORN RICH! Oh, don’t tell me she’s a role model because she’s making so much money being a fashionable nitwit. She used her celebutante status to get there. And YOU’RE NOT a celebutante. So you can’t play. And do you think it’s going to last forever? While women who went to school practice medicine for the next forty years, Paris will be a weathered old bitch in Ibiza, drinking and drugging her days away. And if you think this is appealing, you’ve been watching too much VH1.

Or maybe the problem is MTV. For perpetuating the cult of dimwittedness. Get a boob job, act like a stripper and the world will be YOURS!

Or maybe, just maybe, we’ve got to blame your parents. Who can’t say no. Who want you to be their friend. Who secretly envy you and want to believe they’re teenagers again too.

There’s nothing wrong with getting old. With age comes wisdom.

And if you think everybody’s body is perfect, then you just haven’t seen them naked. And if you’re depending on your looks, what are you going to do as you age, turn into Jocelyn Wildenstein? You think we can’t tell you’ve had your veneer tweaked? Do you think we want to be involved with that? Someone who’s so needy for approval they want the whole world to believe they’re twenty years younger than they really are, as opposed to OUR age?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive to look good. But if you want to get ahead, get an education. Learn about this world. Get a career that will not only sustain you financially, but make you interesting to us, the opposite sex. We’ve really got no interest in cosmetics, we’d rather hear you debate the Iraq War. Or just have your eyes widen as you tell us about what’s important to you that doesn’t have to do with APPEARANCE!