1. Norah Jones "Come Away With Me"

Sales this week: 20,110
Cume: 10,027,287

Will we ever see sales like this again?

I’d say probably not, but that would be too mild… NEVER!

3. Josh Groban "Closer"

Sales this week: 12,365
Cume: 5.216,215

So who’s the most powerful hitmaker in the U.S., Clive Davis or David Foster?

I’d argue Foster. He actually makes the records. And they’re oh-so-PROFITABLE!

4. Guns N’ Roses "Greatest Hits"

Sales this week: 11,769
Cume: 3,467,710

Mmm… So you see people still ARE interested. But in a new record?

Unfortunately, a new album, the presently called "Chinese Democracy", will sell briskly at first, but then fail. For even if it’s great, and you know it won’t be, it will lack Top Forty and to a great degree MTV exposure. But everybody will trade it P2P, everybody will hear it. Come on, you’ve GOT to hear it.

But it would be a miracle if it were any good. Hell, the "Illusion"s weren’t in the league of the debut…

5. Bob Seger "Greatest Hits"

Sales this week: 11,473
Cume: 7,985,324

This number would put Seger at number 94 on the main chart. Which would make him bigger than…

Madonna, whose stiff "Confessions Tour" album only moved 10,882.

And Diddy, whose "Press Play" only sold 10,797.

Bigger than the Pussycat Dolls, who only sold 10,648.

Bigger than the Decemberists, who only sold 6,029.

So who’s a star? Or, who’s a BIGGER STAR?

As for Madonna, you’d have to slide all the way down to number 136 on the catalog chart to find her "Immaculate Collection", which moved 2,529 copies this week, for a cume of 5,519,776. But it’s she that gets all the press. Isn’t Bob Seger that has-been from burned-out Detroit?

8. Michael Buble "It’s Time"

Sales this week: 10,802
Cume: 2,267,817

See number 3 above.

13. Norah Jones "Feels Like Home"

Sales this week: 8,400
Cume: 4,409,369

Nothing to sneeze at, but she’s going in the wrong direction.

Sure, this album has been in the marketplace for less time than her debut, but it’s selling fewer than half the number of copies per week.

Where will today’s record be on this chart?

Not as low as Alanis’ third record, but Norah is not building… (Nor does she have to, she has a career, thank you. But the business needs her, as their poster girl, what with rap dying and no rock hope…wouldn’t you be freaking if you had to answer to Wall Street?)

18. Creed "Greatest Hits"

Sales this week: 7,972
Cume: 1,480,715

The critics may hate them, but obviously the public does not.

19. Pink Floyd "Dark Side Of The Moon"

Sales this week: 7,825
Cume: 7,999,835

And think of all those albums sold BEFORE the SoundScan era…

21. Josh Groban

Sales this week: 7,166
Cume: 4,750,282

See number 3 above.

22. Michael Buble

Sales this week: 7,044
Cume: 1,684,223

See number 3 above.

(As for Whitney Houston…she’s NOT ON this chart!)

23. Bob Marley & the Wailers "Legend"

Sales this week: 6,707
Cume: 9,077,847

Obviously, there are a lot of people who want to lively up themselves.

27. Def Leppard "Vault-Greatest Hits"

Sales this week: 5,675
Cume: 4,331,453

And you wonder why they had the tour of the summer…

41. Metallica

Sales this week: 5,506
Cume: 14,854,492

Metallica is only one album away from being back.

It wasn’t the quite good documentary that killed them, but their Napster stance. THAT might have been forgotten if "St. Anger" wasn’t seen as such a turkey. Does Rick Rubin ever make a bad album? He may not do too well in finding acts, but bringing the best out of established acts, he…could be the best. (Of course Mutt Lange is truly the best, but he’s in his own LEAGUE!) Make a great record, tour the hell out of it, they’re still the kings of this genre.

46. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers "Greatest Hits"

Sales this week: 5,139
Cume: 6,916,701

There are a lot of american girls thinking of something big while they’re runnin’ down a dream, who wouldn’t think of doing it without Tom’s music. Straight ahead, no frills, but oh-so-right.

58. Linkin Park "Hybrid Theory"

Sales this week: 4,279
Cume: 9,107,063

Don’t look at the cume, but this week’s total.

Oh, maybe you’re saying that everybody already HAS this album. Well, then don’t they already have Seger and Leppard?

But this act skews young, you say.

Yes, but the young today tend not to be loyal.

And "Meteora"? That’s at number 117, with only 2,774 sold this week (cume of 5,373,030).

In other words, the new album from Linkin Park is not an automatic. And, like a potential new G N’ R album, where are you going to see it/hear it?

And, is Linkin Park the EPITOME of rap rock, above the fray, or are they passe like the genre?

In other words, their new album better be DAMN good!

74. Justin Timberlake "Justified"

Sales this week: 3,543
Cume: 3,605,056

Shit, shouldn’t this record be HIGHER on the chart?

Why did Nickelback sell more ("Long Road" (4,095)? And John Mayer ("Heavier Things" – 8,919 and "Room For Squares" – 4,463)?

And Evanescence sold 8,142 this week of their debut (number 17).

Even the fucking Killers, riding a somewhat stiff second album, sold more (4,007)!

In other words, Justin just ain’t as big as the media’s telling us.

107. Rob Zombie "Past, Present & Future"

Sales this week: 2,898
Cume: 1,052,532

Who’s buying THIS? Isn’t he a movie director now?
Hard rock has loyal fans…

109. My Chemical Romance "Three Cheers For The Sweet Revenge"

Sales this week: 2,874
Cume: 1,524,004

Whose revenge IS that? The naysayers?

God, this is a pitiful number, considering all the press the band gets and the fact they’re working a new album.

In other words, My Chem is NICHE!

125. Maroon 5 "Songs About Jane"

Sales this week: 2,682
Cume: 4,305,901

I guess Jane finally graduated, got married and no longer follows music.

155. U2 "Best Of U2-1980-90"

Sales this week: 2,329
Cume: 2,926,930

Now do people really care that little, or is this record competing with the band’s NEW greatest hits collection, which is on the big chart, and sold 16,574 for a cume of 616,889.

Do we excoriate U2 for ripping off the public, trying to cash in? Hell, METALLICA doesn’t have a greatest hits album. And their albums sell MORE than U2’s today!

Or do we ask whether despite all the press Bono gets for saving the world, he’s really not that big a rock star.

Or, has U2 become the new Rolling Stones? Has-beens you’ll see live, but you’re not interested in the new music of…

186. Fall Out Boy "Take This To Your Grave"

Sales this week: 2,039
Cume: 559,693

Now when you have a new record, shouldn’t your old material SHOOT up the chart?

Did with Norah Jones.

Could it be that Fall Out Boy are at best flavor of the moment, and that despite all the hype, most people don’t even care?