1. Evanescence "Open Door"

447,342
Debut

I’m stunned.  I thought since the guy who co-wrote each and every song on the Wind-Up debut is no longer in the band, sales for this sophomore album would be lame.  But I’m wrong.  And, according to hitsdailydouble, the band sold 160,357 MORE albums this week!

So, is it a chick thing.  Are women identifying with the lead singer.  Is Amy Lee the new Pat Benatar.

Or is it the sound.  Despite the Top Forty pop and rap people are looking for something more mainstream, something more ROCK!

Or could it just be momentum.  Then again, momentum didn’t seem to do anything for Jessica Simpson, whose album has sold 219,095 copies as of last week, after six weeks in the marketplace, residing at a lowly 131.

And I’m reluctant to say it’s Wind-Up.  After all, they couldn’t break the remnants of Creed, Alter Bridge and Scott Stapp.

No, I’ve got to believe there’s something about this woman.  In an era of celebs who are all plasticized and frequent the same haunts, Amy Lee seems real.  More power to her.

2. Killers "Sam’s Town"

314,788
Debut

Never have the supposedly credible fallen so fast so soon.

This record got HORRID reviews.  From acne-scarred writers angry the band went mainstream.  And somehow this has filtered down to the general public, whereas the absence of Ben Moody in Evanescence has not.  Interesting.

Then again, Evanescence was never hip, and the Killers were.

Let me ask you, is there anything new about the Killers?  Anything groundbreaking?  Anything that would have wowed us thirty five years ago?  Used to be cutting edge acts that got our attention were different, like Yes and Queen.  Then again, Yes didn’t break through until their FOURTH album.  Nor did Queen.  (Although both made significant inroads on their third.)  Could it be that America’s the new England?  With instant success, and then instant tear-down?  Does it really matter WHAT is on this record, or the fact that the band made it too big too fast killed it.

Nah, it’s the backlash against the music.

This week, according to hitsdailydouble, the Killers sold 104,272 and Evanescence 160,357.  Proving, if nothing else, that hipness ain’t everything.

4. Tony Bennett "Duets: American Classics"

128,228
Cume after 2 weeks: 330,634

This fucking record is what’s wrong with our business.  Does anybody care what this thing fucking SOUNDS LIKE??  This is a record made on paper, not to be listened to.

Call it event marketing.  Find a sales hook and run with it.  What the record actually sounds like?

As for the sale…  What they’re telling people is this guy’s gonna DIE soon so you’d better get on the bandwagon and pay your respects!

Credit Charles Koppelman, one of the great shyster/hypesters of all time.  Who created this paradigm with Frank Sinatra.  I believe if we canvassed America we wouldn’t find a hundred people who’ve listened to "Duets" I OR "II" all the way through this CENTURY!  Oh, Frank is being played plenty, but not this tripe.

And when Tony Bennett finally dies they won’t be playing this crapola either.

7. Beck "Information"

99,481
Debut

The day this guy creates something THREE QUARTERS as good as "Loser" is the day I care.

This is an insider’s overhype.

I’ve got nothing against this charisma-challenged imp, it’s just the cognoscenti/writers wax rhapsodic about him to the point where I go on REACT!  And while I’m at it, I’ll say the same damn thing about the White Stripes.  THERE!

9. Janet Jackson "20 Y.O."

77,240
Cume after 2 weeks: 374,113

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, GOODBYE!

Janet you never had any talent anyway.  You might have learned dance steps from choreographers, but the real talent was Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis.

I’d like to say the day of the producer-driven confection is over, but I know that won’t happen until the majors lose their grip.  It can’t happen soon enough.

14. Nickelback "All The Right Reasons"

55,809
Cume after 53 weeks: 3,705,248

Maybe they ARE successful for all the right reasons.

It’s not beat-driven.  There are hooks.  You can dance to it.

So you think it’s Spinal Tap/has-been music for the ignorant masses.  I think you’ve got to reevaluate who’s ignorant here.

Funny.  It used to be that almost four times platinum put you in the middle of the pack, the big acts went diamond, or close to it.  Could it be that Nickelback is now the leader because they’re the only one with any values?  And the rest of the acts are sold out whores purveying music that has the fading taste and longevity of bubble gum?

30. Christina Aguilera "Back To Basics"

28,617
Cume after 8 weeks: 790,164

Will she sell out arenas?  Not at THOSE prices.

31. Diana Krall "From This Moment On"

28,555
Cume after 3 weeks: 160,693

From this moment on she should remember to NEVER WORK WITH HER HUSBAND AGAIN!

Diana was a platinum act, gaining momentum, then she did the songs of her husband and her career went into reverse.  Can she regain the momentum?  Only if she refrains from doing Elvis Costello songs!

36. Lionel Richie "Coming Home"

26,077
Cume after 4 weeks: 170,254

Where the hell are you supposed to expose these records?

You can’t get airplay, certainly not on any format with active buyers.

Back in the day, old farts could get Top Forty play if they created a great record.  Like Herb Alpert’s "This Guy’s In Love With You".  Today it’s not about modernizing your sound, it’s about moving to Vegas and playing live because you CAN’T have a hit.  Sad.

52. Audioslave "Revelations"

18,722
Cume after 5 weeks: 261,613

I guess their audience believes they’ve ALREADY broken up.

Or, could the dirty little secret here be that they’d have sold a TON more on Interscope, which released the band’s previous album…

Could it be that Charlie Walk can sell pop, but can’t sell anything with chops?  Then again, who could sell a band named AUDIOSLAVE!

58. Scissor Sisters "Ta-Dah"

16,919
Cume after 2 weeks: 58,997

America ain’t England.

Hell, let me ask you, could they film "Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert" in the U.S?  (Oh, don’t e-mail me, I know it’s an Australian flick, but it starred a Limey.)

Point, match, HISTORY!  (Well, MAYBE they can break a single, but the odds don’t look good!)

66. Jesse McCartney "Right Where You Want Me"

15,403
Cume after 3 weeks: 87,089

Just about.  You’ll be in the dumper soon.  Without a deal, working a day job.  GOOD RIDDANCE!

80. Lindsey Buckingham "Under The Skin"

13,068
Debut

Sure, he can play.  But why should we care after he’s burned us out on a STRING of hook-less solo albums.

Bottom line, he’s a chick act now.  And the chicks don’t know who he is.  They just know Fleetwood Mac.

89. Elton John "The Captain And The Kid"

11,245
Cume after 3 weeks: 74,112

I can’t convey how mediocre this record is.  I forced myself to play it four times and it still sounded exactly like what it was…  Old farts who’ve lost the muse trying to regain the glory.

Instead of crediting Merck, Elton should FIRE HIM!  You NEVER revisit a classic.  Otherwise all those "Comes Alive" albums Frampton released after the first would have gone gold, never mind platinum or beyond.

Elton is one of my absolute favorite artists.  I listen to him just about every day.  I need to hear "Sixty Years On", or "The King Must Die".

And even "Blue Avenue", from fifteen years ago.

Hell, even listen to "Birds" from 2001’s "Songs From The West Coast".  It truly sounds like the great shit from the seventies.

But don’t listen to "The Captain And The Kid"…it’ll creep you out.

But you’ll read stellar reviews everywhere.  I’m not sure whether the writers are ignorant or on the record company dole, but "The Captain And The Kid" is as big a disappointment as has been released this year.

101. New Found Glory "Coming Home"

10,423
Cume after 3 weeks: 62,998

A fad.

Hell, even I thought this album would do better.

It’s kind of like everybody in the under twenty demo got the memo that music is a trendy medium, and that it’s only what’s happening TODAY, RIGHT NOW, that counts.

Unless it’s positively old school.  Like Zeppelin, the Doors…Evanescence and Nickelback.

109. Aaron Neville "Bring It On Home… The Soul Classics"

9,905
Cume after 3 weeks: 47,798

How quickly they forget.  If this had been released a year ago, in the wake of Katrina, it would have gone platinum.

And might have today if it had come out on a major instead of an indie and had been hyped to high heaven on the "Today Show".

Hey, I know indies are hip.  But if you’ve GOT the kind of project that needs/benefits from big time hype on TV and print advertising in daily newspapers SIGN with the major label, they’ve got the resources and connections to deliver success.

And, as stated above with Tony Bennett, what the record might actually sound like?  IRRELEVANT if it’s about the event!

114. Jonny Lang "Turn Around"

9,238
Sales after 3 weeks: 43,015

Shit, this should have come out on ALLIGATOR!

This shouldn’t fall under the Pussycat Dolls/Ron Fair imprimatur, rather it should be sold as REAL MUSIC!

Unfortunately, it isn’t.

"Lie To Me" is a stone cold smash.  Akin to a Nickelback track.  Not new, but so RIGHT!

Oh, on the A&M debut there are so many great songs.  "When I Come To You", "Missing Your Love"…

Rather than try to have a hit, Jonny should go for credibility.  He’s no longer got the novelty of being a teenager, he’s got to make it on chops.

I played this record.  I’m that big a fan of the A&M debut.

But it was lousy.  It just didn’t have the VIBE, the FLAVOR, of that great record from 1997.  And when it comes to the blues, it’s ALL about vibe and flavor…

(Meanwhile, proving there are no rules, the second record, which like the third is a loser, has a great track, "Still Rainin’".  Search for it.  The song is not perfect, but the PERFORMANCE has got it locked down.

127. Iron Maiden "Matter Of Life And Death"

7,948
Sales after 5 weeks: 105,947

Holy SHIT!  Is this the same record that debuted at number 9 with sales of 55,722 copies?

Proving the new modern SoundScan chart is accurate, but just doesn’t MEAN much.  In the old days of the manipulated chart, records built.  Now labels shoot their wad in the first week and unless there’s traction, which rarely happens, it’s a pretty quick descent down the chart.

137. Tom Petty "Highway Companion"

7,196
Sales after 11 weeks: 335,427

Obviously not too many oldsters wanted to drive down the highway with this CD running shotgun.  Could it be that they’re too busy listening to NPR or they think this CD is far from classic?  BOTH!

152. Sean Lennon "Friendly Fire"

6,688
Debut

Okay, tell me.  Who were all those reams of ink in every publication known to man for?  Certainly not Sean’s fans, because he doesn’t seem to HAVE ANY!

Do an update story on what it’s like to be the son of one of the two greatest rock stars of all time, but don’t review the music, because we’re not READING, never mind LISTENING!

And you wonder why the kids are listening to classic rock.  Wouldn’t YOU if the above were your choices?