Last time I checked, Mary J. Blige’s record was INELIGIBLE for a Grammy Award.  Having been released WAY after the cut-off/deadline.  So, WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING ON THE SHOW?

Ratings dude.  She’s got a number one record.

It would be like honoring classic cars of the thirties, Pierce-Arrows and Chrysler Airflows, and featuring a Prius, since it’s the hot car TODAY!

If you want us to respect the awards, you’ve got to have a little CREDIBILITY!  AND a bit of flash.

Elton John and Eminem.  The gay man with the gay-BASHER.  You’ve got your ratings right there.  That’s a train-wreck people want to see.  Furthermore, did they duet on "Captain Fantastic", or YOUR SONG?  No, they did "Stan", Marshall’s nominated hit.

What are U2 and Mary going to duet on?  U2’s "Vertigo"?  Their remake of the Supremes’ "You Keep Me Hangin’ On"?  Oops, that was nominated LAST YEAR.  Oh, let’s have them sing "Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own".  Now THAT would be a snooze.  God, ANYTHING but that.  No, they’re probably going to reprise their Katrina-benefit rendition of "One".  Which was only a hit A DECADE AND A HALF AGO!  And shit, does NARAS believe nobody WATCHED that benefit?

Actually, not many people DID!  Because it was seen as a redo of the 9/11 benefit.  It showed no INNOVATION!  Isn’t it funny that the MOST innovative creative medium, MUSIC, is represented by a remake of a duet from FIVE MONTHS AGO?  I mean nobody at NARAS could come up with anything BETTER??  And you know they’re going to be shilling for New Orleans.  Saying something about music being the heart of the city.  Shit, if they care that much, why don’t they just donate their PROFITS from this show to N.O. rebuilding.  Or get a company to sponsor the WHOLE SHOW and give a big donation in return for essentially no commercials, a la the broadcast of the Masters.  There’s a company that would go for that.  The burnishing of its image.  But no, NOBODY AT NARAS HAS GOT A CREATIVE BONE IN HIS BODY!

I mean David Bowie can play in New York with the Arcade Fire, but nobody can even pair up an ancient act with a hip new act on the Grammys?

And then there’s the strange case of the duet of Faith Hill and Keith Urban.  Are they nominated?

Individually, but not as a duo.  Faith sang a nominated duo with her HUSBAND, Tim McGraw.  But the reason she’s not singing with HIM on the show is that Faith and Keith share the same MANAGER!

Yeah, the Grammys are inviolate and not subject to pressure.

Then there’s Christina Aguilera duetting with Herbie Hancock.

Where the fuck was this record released?  Does anybody know about it?  Is the world WAITING for this?  Or, could it be that Christina is managed by Irving Azoff, and he holds sway over NARAS.  The organization needing him to cough up the Eagles or Steely Dan or some old fart band to goose their ratings in years to come.

As for Jamie Foxx duetting with Kanye West…  Well, he barely qualifies.  Turns out, even though Jamie’s new album dropped after the deadline, he WAS nominated for a performance on a Luther Vandross tribute album.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS!  God, there are so many categories that if you don’t get a nomination, you didn’t release a RECORD!

How about just making it best record of the year.  Best producer.  Maybe ten categories.  Like the Oscars.  So we can COMPREHEND this show.  And the people voting would be familiar with what they’re checking on the ballot, so they’re just not overwhelmed and vote for the recognizable name.  God, the Oscars don’t give awards for Best Movie Made in Canada With American Money Directed By A European.  I mean COME ON!  Who can wrap their head around this stuff.  CERTAINLY not the public.

If you don’t respect the music, the audience won’t.

The Grammys are awards for achievement in 2005.  Isn’t one year a big enough window?  Does it have to be the HISTORY of music to garner an audience?

Which won’t come.

Oh, ratings were horrific last year.  Up against the Sunday night lineups of the other networks.

So they moved the show to a weekday.  And it being the middle of winter maybe ratings won’t drop dramatically, but they’re certainly not going to go up significantly.

Why is it that every American institution doesn’t respect itself, its own opinion, but does market research, worried about the lowest common denominator, a theoretical everyman, and delivers something that NOBODY can relate to.

Sure, if the Grammys only featured young up and coming bands ratings might be shitty today, but with increased credibility they’d go up in the FUTURE!

Or, irrelevant of age, if only EXCELLENCE was featured, the show would garner respect.

It’s kind of like beating a dead horse.  The only people who believe in the Grammys are those in NARAS to begin with.