Howard 100

It’s really good.  If you’re a Howard fan and you don’t immediately sign up for Sirius, you’re a fucking idiot.

You see it’s all Howard all the time.  Well, not exactly ALL Howard.  I just heard Bubba the Love Sponge.  And he demonstrated how good Howard really is.

I’m not a Howard fan.  No, that came out wrong.  I’m not a Howard LISTENER!  Because I’m a late night person.  And Howard always came on in the morning.  Oh, I’d catch him sometimes on KLSX when he went on at 3 a.m., but if I’m awake in the morning, I’m working, I’m not listening to some asshole on the radio, invading my mindspace with his inanities.  But driving…  That’s where talk radio works.  When you’re just running on instinct and drifting off into space.

The reason Howard and his entourage work is the HONESTY!  In a world where a Supreme Court nominee won’t speak the truth, it’s good to know SOMEONE’S standing up for what’s on the inside, and isn’t afraid to reveal himself warts and all.  And, it must work, because now all the babes want Howard!

Last night, on the Howard News, Robin asked Howard what he thought about Alison, his first wife, getting remarried.  Wow, it was like talking to a friend.  He said he was happy for her.  But not in an elated way, but in an…this is creepy and we’re done but shit, how do I HANDLE this way.  Then he said it was HER business.  And if she wanted to go on record, that was fine, but he respected her privacy.  They say Howard has no limits, but he DOES!

And today on the news, they got into it with Baby-Booey’s wife.  How she felt about Gary crossing the line.  She talked about a Butt Bongo incident and said there would be a penalty if he stepped out again.  And then they had Gary, who said "I don’t know WHAT the FUCK she’s talking about."  As only a husband can exclaim.  He wasn’t complaining about her viewpoint, only that he truly couldn’t understand what she was SAYING!  THIS is the war between the sexes.

And they had that guy who tapes conversations with his wife, talking about how it fucks up his marriage, but he’s bringing home a paycheck by doing it, he’s feeding his kids, he’s doing his job.  Fucked up logic, then again this IS America.  People justify just about EVERYTHING by saying they’re taking care of their family.

And I’d read about George Takei.  And how good he is.  I felt like I was getting the kind of news the networks don’t deliver by hearing his take on hanging with the crew.

It’s totally different from when Howard was on terrestrial.  It’s like the lunatics have taken over the asylum.  Or maybe the SANE people.  You see Howard owns the stations, they’re HIS!  100 & 101.  You don’t feel like he’s renting them, that there’s a boss.  It’s a clubhouse better than the one on the "Little Rascals", the one that contained the He-Man Woman Haters Club.

But the real pleasure is always having Howard.  I’d eviscerate all the other b.s.  Like Bubba.  Although Bubba did say ONE thing.  That if you didn’t like his show you could tune in Shady 45 and listen to the sound of black people killing each other.  This was the PERFECT cross-promotion, cloaked in a view of the rap world.  Yup, that’s what WHITE people think.  That all the rappers are killing each other.  And, reading about all the feuds, it IS an area ripe for comedic comment.  I mean come on, what did the other person say, something about your MAMA?  You’ve got to SHOOT them for that?  I mean don’t we live in a civilized society?  What IS it with all the guns.  Politically incorrect humor, oftentimes the best.

The two stations are staggered.  For west coast/east coast.  You get Howard, and the wrap-up show with Baba-Booey, and the news.  And a few commercials.  That’s why Howard sucked on terrestrial.  The endless promotional announcements/sales pitches.  I’d tell Mel to have NO commercials.  Certainly NO MORE than he’s got now.  (Now, at least I haven’t heard commercials simultaneously on both channels.)  That’s why we SIGN UP for satellite radio.  And god, give Howard one more channel where it’s just the day’s show repeated endlessly.

I’m having a hard time changing the channel.  Howard and his retinue are alive in a way the rest of radio is not.  It’s a constant train-wreck.  An endless line of smashed automobiles to look at as you’re coursing down the freeway.

Assuming you can hear it, of course.  Shit, I’m driving on Chautauqua under some low-lying branches and the signal drops out.  The signal drops out in the McClure Tunnel, which never happened with XM.  And since it’s talk, the offensive Sirius sound doesn’t bug you.  The bad quality of the reproduction of the music has one switching the service off.  It’s just intolerable.  No matter WHAT songs they’re playing.  Then again, not everybody has a reasonable car stereo.  Then again, more than USED TO, with factory installations so superior.  Can’t Sirius tweak the sound SOMEHOW?  Is it really a technical problem, or does someone there have his head SO FAR up his ass that he actually thinks it sounds GOOD?

I truly think Howard would have had more impact on terrestrial.  But Sirius seems to have given him a new lease on life.  He’s going to be marginalized for YEARS, until satellite radio reaches ubiquitous penetration (if that even happens, and with two services you’ve got an INHERENTLY smaller audience).  But, he’s a harbinger of the future.  It’s no longer about one prick controlling the entertainment universe.  No Lowry Mays, no FCC commissioner.  Rather, it’s about using technology to put up your own little homestead.  Now, with choice, what’s truly desirable wins, we don’t have to pick from the dreck offered by the usual suspects.

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