The world outside is tugging like a beggar at my sleeve
Oh, that’s much too old a story to believe

I’ve been meaning to write about this song for the past month.

No, that sounds like It was at the end of a list, that I never worked myself to the bottom of.  It’s just that "Something Fine" is a mood.  And the more I listened to the lyrics the less I was convinced I knew what they meant.

As I write this the sun is setting over the Pacific Ocean.  Not that I can see the yellow/orange orb.  It’s just its reflection is appearing on the rooftops and light-colored buildings I can see from my window facing east here in Santa Monica.  The day is dying.  Workers are returning to their domiciles.  Integral participants in a world I’ve opted out of.  Long ago.

At some point you know you’re different.  When you don’t want to leave the gig early.  When you stay to watch the credits at the end of the movie.  Suddenly, what’s happening around you is secondary to the art.  There’s some "Alice In Wonderland" metaphor lurking here somewhere, but I never read that book.  I was too busy listening to music.

When you’re a teenager, your world is dictated for you.  You’re supposed to go to school.  Make something of yourself.  There’s always an agenda that you must adhere to.  Then you graduate, and nobody gives a shit what you do anymore.

Actually, happened for me first in college.  When the students surrounding me were getting good grades to get in a good graduate school.  I could no longer play that grade-grubbing game.  I stopped at getting into a good college.  There had to be more meaning than jumping through the delineated hoops of life.

With each record I bought I was looking for fulfillment.  Not only fulfillment, but insight.  As good as the Crosby, Stills & Nash albums were, they afforded little insight.  Even Neil Young.  The songs were too minimalist.  But when I heard those Jackson Browne songs, whole stories played in my head.  It was a 3-D vision.  These were people starring in a play that I could relate to but was distant from.  These records play anywhere, but they’re made in California.  You can really understand them only if you’re in California.  When the fall doesn’t represent death, when you’re not hunkering down, but you’re just experiencing a subtle mind shift.  From being outside, having fun, to thinking.

Oh, we think in California.  Not the same way you do on the east coast.  We’re not changing the world, we’re just trying to figure out our experience of it.  We’re not looking to dominate, we’re looking for context.  As I sit here on a dying almost fall day I wonder what the future holds.  Oh, that would imply that the future is going to happen to me.  I’m not old or accomplished enough to just kick back and enjoy the ride.  I want to steer.  At least a little bit.

But I’m not exactly sure where I want to go.  Alternately everywhere, and nowhere.

My favorite records don’t feature hooks, they feature mood.  They’re as alive as touch.  They’re another person by the fire.  They’re not background, but foreground.  They’re my best friends.

"Something Fine" sounds like a conversation after breakfast.  A late night talk on the east coast, but seemingly everybody in California has no 9 to 5 job.  We’re home.  Our lives are more question than answer.  And that’s the way "Something Fine" sounds.

The papers lie there helplessly
In a pile outside the door
I’ve tried and tried, but I just can’t remember what they’re for

Exhaustion.  Exasperation.  Neither of those words accurately describe the mood of the song when these lines are sung.  It’s almost like there’s been a death.  Or maybe it’s that point of diversion.  When you leave what you know and make your own way.  Is "Something Fine" a reminiscence?  Or is it a breakup?  Is it a dope song?  Or should one read the lyrics straightforwardly?

The future hides and the past just slides
England lies between

And there you have it.  Stuck in the middle with you.  Or maybe alone.  Isn’t that always the question.  Are we integrated, or is life really a solo trip?

I’m going to have to write about "Something Fine" again.  Get deeper into the lyrics.  Now I’m thinking of sitting in my dorm room in college.  Before iPods, staring out the window just like I am right now.  On a dying gray day.  Feeling like it was yesterday, knowing it was a long time ago.  The memories are vivid, but I’m not sure I’ll ever return.  And I know it won’t be the same.  Because the people will be gone.

I meet new people every day.  But it’s the old ones that matter.  The memories.

I wish everything didn’t change.  It’s good to have a touchstone.  Records are my touchstone.

(Listen to a live version of "Something Fine" at: http://www.archive.org/audio/etree-details-db.php?id=24407
It’s under "Audio Files".  It’s the tenth track down.  Click on the blue number 5.7M in the column all the way to the right, under the heading "VBR MP3".)