Eva Longoria

I guess MTV has finally matured.  Just like the networks, it now employs TV
stars to goose ratings.  USED to be that the music stars were bigger than any
TV star.  It’s not that TV stars have gotten any better, it’s that music stars
have gotten worse.

Mariah Carey

The biggest selling female artist of all time?  Should I just shoot myself
now?

Couldn’t Aretha Franklin come out of the wings and blow her off the stage?

And why does Mariah get to do two songs?

And the background singers rapping about HER??  The emancipation of Mimi? 
She’s just as bad as the men are.

And the thanking of the audience when she was done.  Reminded me of nothing
so much as Sally Field…you LIKE me, you REALLY REALLY like me.  Killed Sally
Field’s career, could SOMEONE please kill Mariah Carey’s?  Or is she like
Jason in "Halloween", is she just UNKILLABLE?

Kelly Clarkson

Did she really change outfits?  Remember in the seventies, when you wore what
you wore on the street on stage, when it was about the MUSIC, not the LOOK!

Jamie Foxx

Isn’t his year up?  He didn’t sing in "Ray", why does he get to sing here?

Pepsi Chicken Ad

Highlight of the show so far.  Better than their Super Bowl ads last
February.  There’s more innovation in advertising than there is music.

The Comedian

Bring back Andrew Dice Clay.  At least use someone we’ve HEARD of.  Who did
this guy’s agent blow to get on this show?  Meanwhile, since he DID blow, don’t
expect to hear from him in the future.

Oh yeah, that was back when you had to be good.  The old days.  We’ll
probably hear from this guy again and again and again.  There’ll be a feature in
"People".  He’ll be on "Extra" and "E.T.", and, of course, on MTV, since they have
an investment in him.

50 Cent

Living proof that rap falls flat live.

Meanwhile, could it be that all the hype on this show for 50’s movie, "Get
Rich Or Die Tryin’" is because it’s an MTV/Paramount production?  Two Viacom
companies?

Well, 50’s getting more than one song…

One thing’s for sure, 50’s movie aint’ gonna do the business of Eminem’s. 
Unless, of course, it’s actually good.  Nah, that’s impossible.

How about the Dr. Dre biopic?  THAT’S what we really want to see…

Gwen Stefani

Did she know she was going to get the $100,000 fashion award in advance? 
Looks like it, she said who she wanted the money donated to without missing a
beat.  Normally, you win, your heart starts to beat, you can’t think straight,
you don’t make commitments instantly, you can’t even come up with answers!

"Hello It’s Me"

Did John Legend really sing this in the Gap ad?

Musical highlight of the evening.

Paris and Bow Wow

A new cultural low.  Debating who has the most valuable ice.

These are the values of our youth.  Education is for pussies.  Get plastic
surgery and tattoos and be famous for nothing.  Yes, as Mark Knopfler would say,
that’s the way they do it on the MTV.

More Jamie Foxx

Will Clive Davis have power from the GRAVE?

It appears that Jamie got on this show because he’s got a new album.  On J. 
But he didn’t tell us, the MTV ANNOUNCER DID!  Seems like a package deal to
me.  You want Alicia Keys?  You get Jamie Foxx.

Destiny’s Child

God, if only Jamie Foxx’s introduction had led to Mya Rudolph and Gemini’s
Twin, from SNL.

Biggest selling girl group of all time?

I guess the Supremes are irrelevant.

Kelly Clarkson

"What you are about to see is incredible!"

God Diddy, you self-immolating, the Beatles reuniting, one more show from
Pink Floyd this year…THAT would be incredible.  Kelly Clarkson draining all the
specialness from her ubiquitous hit.  THAT’S not incredible.

God, she won "American Idol" because of her voice.  But here, she wavers in
pitch, her shouts sound like she’s hoarse.  To think the likes of Prince used
to close the VMAs.  To think there was a day when MTV represented all music,
and didn’t just pander to a consuming younger demo.

There was actually a moment you could believe in MTV.  They seemed to be
having fun, like Diddy said umpteen times tonight, ANYTHING could happen.  It had
the irreverent spirit of rock and roll.  At least for a while.

Hell, it even BROKE like a band.  Via word of mouth.  Slowly.  Uniting fans
to petition cable owners to add the channel to their systems.

Despite the overhype, it’s true.  MySpace is the new MTV.

That’s how the world works.  People with nothing to lose test the limits, do
something the suits can’t even conceive of, and own the future.

Meanwhile, Kelly Clarkson has an amazing ass.