My head is SPINNING!  You see I’ve been hanging out with Bill Nguyen, of lala.com.

Does everybody have to be such a fucking moonie?

Reminds me of a guy I met at summer ski camp.  At a race the following January, slipping the course at Bromley, he looked at me and said "I think I can win this one."  I thought what we had in common was our realistic outlook.  He had about as much of a chance of winning this race as Kevin Federline has of having a hit record.  He didn’t even FINISH!

I don’t know when everybody became so delusional.  It got really bad two decades ago, with the advent of the self-esteem movement.  Giving EVERYBODY a trophy.  Shit, you only get a trophy if you’re a WINNER!  Now we’ve got a country filled with people who BELIEVE they’re winners, when really they’re losers.

But Bill Nguyen is not a loser.  He sold a company for $170 million.  IN HIS POCKET!  That was HIS SHARE!  Oh, it came in stock, but he cashed out just before the dot com crash.  It’s in muni bonds now.  Along with the receipts from all the other companies he sold.  This isn’t record business money, this is truly FUCK YOU money.  And with this money he wants to change the music business, FOREVER!

You see he hired Fountains Of Wayne to play a private.  For his company.  And he became friends with Chris Collingwood.  Bill Nguyen is a guy who makes friends.  It’s a Silicon Valley trait.  Either the people are mad programmers who can’t talk to almost ANYBODY or they’re flypaper, catching friends along the way.  And they do it DIFFERENTLY than the entertainment people.  There’s no attitude.  Everybody’s a geek.  Everybody’s living in the same flat society.  Everybody’s equal.  They’re all in it together, trying to change the world, and trying to get RICH doing it!

Think about that.  Just about everybody with any traction in the music business wants everything to stay the SAME!  So the Silicon Valley guys are the enemy.  And the Silicon Valley guys don’t care about the old music business systems.  They can do it better.  DAMN rights.  If I build something incredible you’ll come to the party, RIGHT?

Wrong.

So rapping with Chris, displaying his passion for music, and seemingly every tech guy loves music, Chris said if Bill thought the business was so fucked up why didn’t he CHANGE IT!

So that’s what Bill’s trying to do.  He raised money from Bain Capital, the same boys who stole Warner Music, but he owns the controlling interest.  It’s kind of like the days of Island and A&M, HE’S in charge, he’s INDIE.  His backers don’t agree with everything he does, like refusing to employ Google AdSense on lala, giving up $15-20,000 A DAY of pure profit, but Bill’s got a vision.

Well, actually, he can only see one year out.  But is that really a cover for WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN?!

For now, lala.com is selling used CDs, for a buck.  I know, doesn’t sound like much of a business model.  But listen to this.  Since he loves MONEY more than music, Bill creates scarcity, DEMAND, he doesn’t allow you to buy the CD you want for a buck that easily, so you’ll buy A NEW ONE!  At cost.  Provided by Mike Dreese of Newbury Comics.  Yup, if you want the new CD, it’s $8.99.  Cheaper than ANYWHERE!  So, thirty percent of the 400,000 bite, they buy the new disc.

Not that Bill is hiding anything.  He says he TELLS people he creates the scarcity.  That it’s part of a software system, labeled KARMA!  It’s weird.  Instead of smoke and mirrors, bait and switch, you’re being TOLD you’re getting screwed, and at this point people LIKE IT!

But it’s not just used CDs.  Bill bought the going out of business WOXY.  Lock stock and barrel.  Because he’s rich.  And he’s making everybody who does a live concert there sign an agreement to let him distribute the recording.

FOUL!

Bill truly thinks he’s got the rights.

But with the first and only act he’s distributed the show of, he did.  It was Frank Black.  He GAVE AWAY 100,000 shows, and SOLD 40,000 more for 99 cents.

Bill couldn’t believe anybody would turn him down even if he DIDN’T have the rights.  Why, he’d just WRITE THEM A CHECK!  (Calling Doug Morris!)

But the goal isn’t to be a friend to the labels, but to FUCK them.  To OWN distribution and then FIX this business.  An admirable goal, but achievable?  You’d say no reading this, but if you MET this guy, the thirtysomething who laughs with every sentence and has more money than you’ll EVER see, you too might become a believer.  I mean how different is Steve Jobs?

And as I’m explaining to Bill the history of the business, since he TELLS ME he needs to know this, we’re accosted by Tyl, the producer of Transmission.  Jets Overhead has taken the stage.

I never ever want to see an unsigned band again.  Fuck these conferences with the talent showcases.  If the band is REAL they don’t need to play these clusterfucks.  Then again, we’re in Canada, there’s GOT to be a government angle, there must be some MONEY involved in having these bands play for international marketers, spreading the culture of Canada.

The first band sounded AWFUL through the door.  And when we walked in on Jets Overhead, they didn’t sound a whole lot better.  But then they stopped and started playing another song, "All The People".

I’m on my Powerbook, so I can’t look up the play count on "All The People".  But on my desktop machine, it’s heavy.  I was ENRAPTURED.  Because of the feel.  It’s the change at fifty seven seconds in.  It’s got the feel of "Moon Safari", of all those great seventies bands following their muse as opposed to radio dictates.  Hell, check it out at: Jets Overhead – All The People.  You can either stream it or download it, FOR FREE!

And I slowly move my way to the front.  To be CLOSER!  And my body, it starts moving involuntarily, in a slow writhe, possessed by the music.

And the band seems so appealing, so charismatic.

But they’re not.  The guitar player, Piers Henwood, he was in one of my discussion groups earlier in the day, he’s a regular guy.  His main gig is managing Tegan & Sara.  What kind of band tries to make it with ONE HAND TIED BEHIND ITS BACK??

And it’s CANADA!  You know all the cool bands come from Canada.  Because they’re NOT cool.  Canada is a flattened society.  A giant high school.  Almost nobody rises above.  Everybody’s in it TOGETHER!  Jets Overhead is not doing it for world domination, but because it’s FUN, they like to make MUSIC!

And there’s a chick bass player.  With a giant amp.  She’s got the music in her.  And a tiny roll of fat peeking over her waistband.  A major label would put her on a diet, but it’s your imperfections that make you lovable.

And the girl singer.  She wasn’t thin with a boob job.

And neither was an icon.  But the game is to speak through your instrument, to make people want to get closer, to want to FUCK YOU!  Because you’re delivering something they can’t get anywhere else, that touches them so.

But it’s weird.  It IS Canada.  And as I said, I know NOBODY in this band possesses that kind of charisma.  Offstage they’re completely normal, you’d have no special desire to get close.  But when the music plays…

But "All The People" was by far the best performance.  The other numbers missed.  Oh, the band was tight, rehearsed.  But if you want to get your big break you’ve got to WOW the audience, you’ve got to BLOW THEIR MINDS!  Whereas this was nice.  And nice doesn’t travel.

Then again, the CD has magic.  And maybe if they were on the road more, they’d figure out how to project an image, play a role, INFECT PEOPLE!  And it’s always about a projection, an image, that’s ART!

And the act after that.  Rappers with one big bass drum.  Come on, we’re in CANADA!

And then exiting, having reached my limit, I got collared by Mr. Nguyen again.  What if he recommended Jets Overhead on lala.com.  What if he asked the band what they wanted per CD.  What if his DATA MINING told him what to charge, it’s all about the engines, all about the math.  Let’s say the number ended up being $5.46.  The last time Bill recommended a CD, he got over 100,000 requests.  What if he just wrote Jets Overhead a $500,000 check?