I got bumped by David Foster.<\/p>\n
Well, not exactly.\u00c2\u00a0 You see I was supposed to tape "The Hour" yesterday at four.\u00c2\u00a0 But mere hours before I was supposed to leave L.A. I got a message, could I come EARLIER?\u00c2\u00a0 Like TWO?<\/p>\n
Well, I had a lunch that had been planned for weeks.\u00c2\u00a0 And it’s hard to schedule a lunch around two.\u00c2\u00a0 Twelve is not early enough, and who eats lunch in the late afternoon?<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
I think that surprised them.\u00c2\u00a0 But never forget, television is about leverage.\u00c2\u00a0 And he who needs the least wins.\u00c2\u00a0 I mean do I need to be on late night Canadian television?\u00c2\u00a0 I mean I WANT to be on late night Canadian television, but it’s not my one big break.<\/p>\n
We negotiated.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s when I found out I was being bumped for Foster.\u00c2\u00a0 Not only until earlier in the day, but all the way to next week.\u00c2\u00a0 He now had my slot, my segment was going to air next week.\u00c2\u00a0 They could tape my spot at…3:30?\u00c2\u00a0 On the dot.\u00c2\u00a0 Could I be there at 3:10?\u00c2\u00a0 Well, I told them I’d be there by 3:20.\u00c2\u00a0 I find the less waiting around the better, you don’t want to get cold, you don’t want to get stale.<\/p>\n
So, Barbara and I found ourselves high in the CBC building just shy of the appointed hour.\u00c2\u00a0 Whereupon I went to the bathroom, I always like to compete at my playing weight.<\/p>\n
Upon emerging, I was immediately escorted to makeup.\u00c2\u00a0 I made a joke about not wanting to look like Nixon in 1960 and the woman with the powder IMMEDIATELY GOT IT!\u00c2\u00a0 That’s Canada, everybody’s more knowledgeable than in America, they get the JOKES!<\/p>\n
And while I’m riffing with this woman, George himself comes in.\u00c2\u00a0 And seems to genuinely know who I am.\u00c2\u00a0 Which always surprises me.\u00c2\u00a0 But I guess that’s the power of the Internet.<\/p>\n
George used to be a VJ on MuchMusic, Canada’s MTV.\u00c2\u00a0 And he’s graduated to this hour-long news\/talk show four nights a week, eclipsing the career arc of Carson Daly.\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, George is on the air EARLIER!<\/p>\n
And George starts talking L.A. with me.\u00c2\u00a0 How he spends the summer in my town.\u00c2\u00a0 And after I say he must feel like Robbie Williams, unrecognized in the City of Angels but famous back home, and we discuss his bike trips back and forth to T.O., George exits, the cape comes off of me, and I stride into the studio.<\/p>\n
TV studios are so cool.\u00c2\u00a0 They’re fake rooms in warehouses.\u00c2\u00a0 In a matter of minutes, they could DISAPPEAR!<\/p>\n
And there are the orange chairs.\u00c2\u00a0 And an AUDIENCE!\u00c2\u00a0 Which CLAPPED!\u00c2\u00a0 Weird to be up there.<\/p>\n
And the powers-that-be seemed to be worried that I wasn’t going to be au courant enough, that I wasn’t going to be able to hold my own.\u00c2\u00a0 So maybe I made up for this by talking at light speed, by barely letting George get a word in edgewise.<\/p>\n
There was enough room to stretch out, seemingly nearing fifteen minutes, and then I was done.<\/p>\n
And you always wonder how you were.\u00c2\u00a0 I got the usual positive plaudits and then a producer came up to discuss what George and I meant when we talked about GOOD music.\u00c2\u00a0 And then another member of the team wanted to know if what Roger Waters had said on Charlie Rose was true, that the new technology employed by Pink Floyd accounted for the band’s continued success.<\/p>\n
I told him this was bullshit.\u00c2\u00a0 That rock stars were removed from reality.<\/p>\n
And then they brought in a whole new studio audience, and started the show from the top.\u00c2\u00a0 I felt it would be cooler to split, but Barbara wanted to hear what Foster had to say, and so did I…<\/p>\n
And we’re behind the cranes, I watched a bit on the monitor to my side, and then Foster was done and it was time to split.<\/p>\n
But first I needed a stop at the bathroom.<\/p>\n
And when I come out of the bathroom, who’s striding towards me, alone, but the man himself.<\/p>\n
I never speak to anybody unless introduced, it freaks them out.\u00c2\u00a0 Who the fuck are YOU?<\/p>\n
But Foster had called me on the phone.\u00c2\u00a0 Albeit a year ago, to discuss Green Day’s "American Idiot" amongst other things I’d written, so…maybe?<\/p>\n
And when we meet, I tentatively say "You called me on the phone…"<\/p>\n
And I won’t say Foster ignored me, but it wasn’t like he was opening up.\u00c2\u00a0 And then, after pausing a bit, David asked "And your name is..?"<\/p>\n
And I tell him and it’s like we’re old buddies, classmates who haven’t seen each other in decades.\u00c2\u00a0 He throws me into a bear hug and starts yelling "Erin!\u00c2\u00a0 ERIN!"<\/p>\n
Foster’s got his arm around me, escorting me briskly back into the main area to introduce me to his daughter, who turned him on to me.<\/p>\n
And then David’s introducing me to everybody in his posse.\u00c2\u00a0 And the "Hour" employees are scattered on the periphery with their jaws dropped.\u00c2\u00a0 They can’t believe the hubbub.\u00c2\u00a0 The guy they bounced, Foster’s treating him like he’s a bigger star than HIMSELF!<\/p>\n
And by this time I’M getting embarrassed, worried I can’t live up to the expectations.<\/p>\n
And Foster’s saying how he just met with Clive, and was wondering whether to bring up what I’d written about him, being bigger than the legend, but David felt he must have already read it.<\/p>\n
And now we’re by the elevators.\u00c2\u00a0 And I’m a member of the posse.\u00c2\u00a0 And I tell Foster I loved his work on the "Completion Backwards Principle" and when we finally hit the first floor, Barbara and I scoot off.\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, I’m a guy who works out of his house, all this attention, all this adulation, it’s FREAKING ME OUT!<\/p>\n
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