That’s what a hamburger’s all about.<\/p>\n
Five Guys is toast. I love their burgers, but I’m done with the place. It’s the over-the-top loud music and the can’t-give-a-shit employees. Just try to get them to turn the 80’s hits down, it’s impossible, someone at headquarters set the dB level, which is enough to get them sued for deafness, the employees’ hands are tied, if you can even get them to pay attention, they’re so busy b.s.’ing in a backstage party behind the counter. Yes, it’s the only burger place with my favorite drink on tap, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, but I’m never setting foot in one again. And neither is just about everyone else, every time I go it’s just about empty. Meanwhile, whatever you think of Chick-Fil-A’s policy on gays, you can’t get near the place. They’re on opposite sides of the street in Northridge. One is cascading with patrons, the other is empty.<\/p>\n
I’ve had a rough day. And when the hunger pangs hit my stomach I just couldn’t fathom the food in my fridge. I needed something that would satisfy, titillate my taste buds. Yes, that’s how far I’ve come, my excess of choice, my vice, is food. I gave up alcohol decades ago. I was never a smoker, I was never an imbiber of coffee, but give me some good junk food and I’m sold.<\/p>\n
Of course, gourmet is better. I’m sick of low quality crap. But junk food can be instant, fast, and sometimes you need to fill the hankering, you’ve got to get that immediate hit, and my go-to place is In-N-Out.<\/p>\n
Now word of the establishment has reached the east coast, even though you can’t partake there. Kind of like Coors in the seventies. It was manna in New England. But burgers and fries don’t travel well. Then again, if you do travel, there’s an In-N-Out right by LAX, go for the experience.<\/p>\n
And the main reason In-N-Out doesn’t travel is because of fresh. That’s how everything’s got to be. Quality control is everything.<\/p>\n
Then again, QC is everything at McDonald’s, but that emporium is shooting too low. With its plastic shakes and bland burgers (we all know the fries are great!) In-N-Out is about perfecting the roadside burger. It’s the McDonald’s of your dreams. The food may not come with toys, but you’ve got a smile on your face just the same.<\/p>\n
The drive-thru is backed up for blocks.<\/p>\n
And it’s not easy to get a parking spot.<\/p>\n
But as you approach the building, you feel the joy. The patrons sitting at the picnic tables, devouring their goodies.<\/p>\n
SoCal may be emblematic of summer, but the dirty little secret is it’s not that hot. Oh, it bakes inland, but most nights by the beach you need a jacket. But there are a few weeks a year just warm enough this is unnecessary.<\/p>\n
Tonight was one of those nights.<\/p>\n
And there was a line to order. Peopled by enough ethnicities to make the Tea Party gag. This was the Washington Boulevard In-N-Out, by Costco, a veritable melting pot of color and race.<\/p>\n
But no one would pull a gun here. That’s just not the vibe.<\/p>\n
The vibe is efficiency.<\/p>\n
There are three cashiers. And each and every one of them is focused on a customer. There’s no bullshitting between them, no talk of last night’s date. You see they’re well-trained and they want that upward mobility, In-N-Out promotes from within.<\/p>\n
And you can truly have it your way. There’s the legendary “secret menu”:<\/p>\n
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