Where do I BEGIN??<\/p>\n
So I’m driving down Fairfax Sunday night, listening to the Boneyard, and the riff starts to sound pretty good.\u00c2\u00a0 I look down at the readout and see it’s BUCKCHERRY!<\/p>\n
I HATE Buckcherry.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s that lead singer with all the tattoos, never wearing a shirt.\u00c2\u00a0 But this riff, I’m digging it.\u00c2\u00a0 And then I hear "Fuck".<\/p>\n
After years of terrestrial radio indoctrination, we’re not used to hearing the seven dirty words over the airwaves.\u00c2\u00a0 But there, he said it again, he’s DEFINITELY swearing.\u00c2\u00a0 I made a mental note to download the track, but I didn’t get to it until today.<\/p>\n
Not knowing the name of the track, not having written it down, I went to the band’s Website.\u00c2\u00a0 Where it was instantly clear that the song I was looking for was entitled "Crazy Bitch".\u00c2\u00a0 And, after switching windows, to insert the title into my P2P program, I went back to the band’s homepage.\u00c2\u00a0 Now one of the great things about the modern age is if I write about a song, there’s usually somewhere it’s posted on the Web, so you can hear it.\u00c2\u00a0 So I clicked on "New Video" and was taken to another page and clicked on "QuickTime" and…<\/p>\n
Well, I saw the lead singer, Josh Todd, without his shirt on once again.\u00c2\u00a0 But the band was playing in a bathroom.\u00c2\u00a0 And then, around the time of the first "fuck", over in the corner, there are two girls making out.\u00c2\u00a0 Well, MORE than making out.\u00c2\u00a0 And while I’m contemplating all this, suddenly we’re in a strip bar, then back in the bathroom with more girls and before long, yup, one of the girls has her top off.<\/p>\n
They never showed this kind of shit on MTV!<\/p>\n
And you wonder why MTV never airs videos anymore…<\/p>\n
I won’t quite say my jaw dropped, but…<\/p>\n
Shit, I like hot girls as much as the next guy.\u00c2\u00a0 And the riff is the kind of bludgeon that takes you away from your everyday problems and there was the CHORUS!<\/p>\n
Hey, you’re a crazy bitch What can I say…\u00c2\u00a0 I know this woman.\u00c2\u00a0 Well, not personally.\u00c2\u00a0 But popular culture has iconized her.\u00c2\u00a0 The beautiful girl who likes to fuck.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe screwed up from being TOO beautiful, but you can’t resist.\u00c2\u00a0 The fucking makes it all worthwhile.<\/p>\n So then I go back to the homepage, where I find there’s a NEWER video. "Behind the Bitch: A Look Behind The Scenes At ‘Crazy Bitch’ Video Shoot".\u00c2\u00a0 Well, I’ve got to watch this.\u00c2\u00a0 Don’t YOU??<\/p>\n Now when I was growing up, if good girls did, they certainly didn’t talk about it.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe you heard rumors, but in school they were wearing sweaters, they appeared paragons of cool.\u00c2\u00a0 You could FANTASIZE, but they were not willing participants in your mental movies.\u00c2\u00a0 You undressed them with your eyes, but they didn’t take their clothes off for you.\u00c2\u00a0 But today, EVERYBODY’S a ho.<\/p>\n Doubt me?\u00c2\u00a0 Just walk down your block.\u00c2\u00a0 Between the low-rise jeans and the belly shirts and the…<\/p>\n Shit, it’s five year olds.\u00c2\u00a0 And their mothers too.\u00c2\u00a0 In a lockdown Christian society, everybody seems to be saying, HERE I AM, COME AND TAKE ME!<\/p>\n In the eighties you’d have trouble finding girls to take off their tops.\u00c2\u00a0 But today?\u00c2\u00a0 There’s a plethora of willing females, just check out this casting call video.\u00c2\u00a0 And when the two girls say the song is about them, "Crazy bitches who like to fuck.", you instantly say to yourself, WHERE CAN I SIGN UP!\u00c2\u00a0 And later, when Josh Todd says "This is the greatest job in the world!", you agree.<\/p>\n The rockers wrote this script.\u00c2\u00a0 But they ceased pushing the envelope when hair band music was eclipsed by grunge and the boy bands came in.\u00c2\u00a0 The rockers were parodies of themselves.\u00c2\u00a0 The limit testing was done by hip-hoppers. And hip-hop took over.\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, ever watch one of those rap videos?\u00c2\u00a0 You want to BE IN THEM!<\/p>\n
But you fuck so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on<\/em><\/p>\n