{"id":40,"date":"2005-06-06T10:08:25","date_gmt":"2005-06-06T17:08:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/archives\/2005\/06\/06\/mtv-movie-awards\/"},"modified":"2005-06-06T10:57:09","modified_gmt":"2005-06-06T17:57:09","slug":"mtv-movie-awards","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/2005\/06\/06\/mtv-movie-awards\/","title":{"rendered":"MTV Movie Awards"},"content":{"rendered":"

Blake already has Coldplay.\u00c2\u00a0 And the Foo Fighters.\u00c2\u00a0 And the Black Eyed Peas.\u00c2\u00a0
He got them from Torrent sites.\u00c2\u00a0 And Websites.\u00c2\u00a0 That I’m sure the RIAA has
never even HEARD of.\u00c2\u00a0 Shit, I hadn’t.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s why I brought Blake along.\u00c2\u00a0 To be
my DECODER RING!\u00c2\u00a0 To explain what I was seeing at the Shrine.<\/p>\n

And as we stood on the red carpet, as so-called stars started unfolding down
the runway, I kept asking eighteen year old Blake who these people WERE!\u00c2\u00a0 And
stunningly, after hipping me on a couple, Blake started to shrug his shoulders
and smile whenever I questioned him…you see he had no fucking idea EITHER!\u00c2\u00a0
That’s where we’ve come.\u00c2\u00a0 To the point where the entertainment industry is
cranking out cardboard cut-outs we’re supposed to believe in faster than we can
DIGEST THEM!<\/p>\n

Not that I didn’t know who Ally Sheedy was.\u00c2\u00a0 Or Molly Ringwald.\u00c2\u00a0 Turns out
Blake knew them too.\u00c2\u00a0 You see, with the advent of DVD, new generations skim the
cream off the best of our entertainment HISTORY!\u00c2\u00a0 But what Blake liked most
was they FRISKED Ally and Molly, whereas we just breezed by, because we had
magic passes, delivered by Tom Freston.\u00c2\u00a0 Yes, did you read today’s "New York
Times"?\u00c2\u00a0 It’s about the rich and the poor.\u00c2\u00a0 And for this evening, we were the RICH!<\/p>\n

I must admit I had a hard time pulling myself away from the shrimp backstage,
but Blake wanted to say hi to this guy from the Charlotte Bobcats.\u00c2\u00a0 Who went
to UConn, who was rookie of the year or something in the NBA.\u00c2\u00a0 And it was SO
FUNNY, because we see these players on TV and think of them as men, but despite
being almost seven feet tall, this guy was much closer in development to
Blake than me.\u00c2\u00a0 The two talked as if they’d come across each other in the hall of
their high school.\u00c2\u00a0 But Blake didn’t have quite the luck with Chris Rock.\u00c2\u00a0 He
was standing there, just a handful of feet away.\u00c2\u00a0 Alone.\u00c2\u00a0 Speaking with
nobody.\u00c2\u00a0 Looking as uncomfortable and out of place as you or me.\u00c2\u00a0 But, just when I
was imploring Blake to get up his nerve, Chris was whisked away, for an
interview.\u00c2\u00a0 And, after feeling disappointed for a few moments,
we started moving too.\u00c2\u00a0For the hall.\u00c2\u00a0 For the show.\u00c2\u00a0 And in the sea of people I found myself up against Fred Armisen.\u00c2\u00a0 I had to tell him he was the best thing on SNL.\u00c2\u00a0 And he is.\u00c2\u00a0 Because he’s the only one willing to TEST THE LIMITS!\u00c2\u00a0 Everybody else is
playing by the rules, to insure a future career.\u00c2\u00a0 But Fred’s got musician
sensibilities.\u00c2\u00a0 He seemed truly wowed that I’d complimented him, even KNEW HIM!\u00c2\u00a0 And when he found us down front, far from the hoi polloi, searching for our seats
in about the tenth row, Fred treated me like a soulmate.\u00c2\u00a0 Like I said,
entertainment is about insiders and outsiders.\u00c2\u00a0 And, contrary to what is written in
the press, it’s not how you look, but what pass you wear, what your pedigree
is.\u00c2\u00a0 Believe me, Brian Grazer had a better seat than most of the talent.<\/p>\n

The show?<\/p>\n

The show was better than last year’s, which was an utter disaster.\u00c2\u00a0 Jimmy
Fallon was funny.\u00c2\u00a0 But not as funny as when he co-hosted with Kirsten Dunst.\u00c2\u00a0 And
he didn’t even do a song, which is one of his SIGNATURES!\u00c2\u00a0 But he did throw
off a few good lines in his monologue.\u00c2\u00a0 Like one about somebody not appearing
because they were in Africa with Dave Chappelle.\u00c2\u00a0 Of course Blake knew
Chappelle was back from Johannesburg, hell, he’d done sets at the Comedy Store and the Improv just a couple of nights back, didn’t I READ about it on the Web?<\/p>\n

In our row, it was Tom and his wife, their friends the Schruers, and then us.
\u00c2\u00a0We being closest to the stage.\u00c2\u00a0 Which was quite a sight.\u00c2\u00a0 Truly, tune in
just to see the set.\u00c2\u00a0 There are multiple rooms, where throughout the program
people were acting out scenes.\u00c2\u00a0 The true stars of this show were the designers.\u00c2\u00a0
But, right in front of Tom, one row up, was Arianna Huffington and child.\u00c2\u00a0 Can
we all agree to stick a fork in Arianna RIGHT NOW??\u00c2\u00a0 I mean Arianna’s far from
stupid, but what she does best is self-promote.\u00c2\u00a0 I mean I truly can’t get
over her switching sides from Republican to Democrat after divorcing that gay
guy, but didn’t she just marry him for the money ANYWAY??\u00c2\u00a0 And god, she had no
clue in her gubernatorial campaign.\u00c2\u00a0 Like we CARE about her!\u00c2\u00a0 And now this
ridiculous blog.\u00c2\u00a0 Arianna, you’ve blown it.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ve shown your true colors.\u00c2\u00a0 You’re
not about politics, you’re about ENTERTAINMENT!\u00c2\u00a0 You don’t want to change the
world, you just want to be FAMOUS!\u00c2\u00a0 And I can’t take you seriously.<\/p>\n

Not that I spent that much time thinking about Arianna.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, I wanted to
engage her in conversation, but I was just one person too far away to be
introduced and get into it with her.\u00c2\u00a0 And you know that show business rule,
you must be INTRODUCED, or people will have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!<\/p>\n

But I did talk to Kevin Wall’s son Patrick.\u00c2\u00a0 Who goes to Michigan.\u00c2\u00a0 He told
me, in passing, not knowing who the fuck I was or what the fuck I do, that he
was into classic rock, just like everybody else at college.\u00c2\u00a0 And you think this
pop shit MATTERS??<\/p>\n

As for the show…<\/p>\n

Eminem wasn’t even good enough to be a joke.\u00c2\u00a0 Rule number one, Em…DON’T
WRITE YOUR OWN MUSIC!\u00c2\u00a0 ONLY let Dre produce your records\/create the beats\/beds.\u00c2\u00a0 Because you might have a talent with WORDS, but you’ve got NO musical talent.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, it was sad.\u00c2\u00a0 Him trotting out Hailie again.\u00c2\u00a0
I mean give that child a BREAK!\u00c2\u00a0 Let her grow up KINDA normal.<\/p>\n

Yellowcard playing "Don’t You Forget About Me"…\u00c2\u00a0 Whether it be the label or
the manager, let me go on record that you’ve got no DIGNITY!\u00c2\u00a0 This is so
NINETIES!\u00c2\u00a0 Believing that ANY exposure is good exposure.\u00c2\u00a0 If you’re not big enough
to play your own material, then DECLINE THE INVITATION!<\/p>\n

Which brings me to the Foo Fighters.\u00c2\u00a0 Can’t we all AGREE?\u00c2\u00a0 That this is a
SECOND-RATE band?\u00c2\u00a0 But they provided the musical highlight of the evening, the
TRUE highlight of the evening, for a minute before tape began to roll, they
played an unmistakable riff, one of the great songs of all time, full out…Van
Halen’s AIN’T TALKIN’ ‘BOUT LOVE!\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, it made you yearn for the days of yore,
when bands like Van Halen, never mind the Beatles and the Stones, kicked you in
the gut and took you away from bogus everyday life.<\/p>\n

But the best performance of the show??<\/p>\n

Mariah Carey.<\/p>\n

Yup, Mariahfuckingcarey.\u00c2\u00a0 Not only would I not fuck her, I wouldn’t even TALK
to her.\u00c2\u00a0 And that bit with the hand, god, whose comedy routine is that, where
you’re supposed to talk to the hand?\u00c2\u00a0 Mariah’s a fucking idiot.\u00c2\u00a0 Makes Sheryl
Crow look like a Nobel Prize winner.\u00c2\u00a0 And if ONLY she’d stop insisting she
can write songs.\u00c2\u00a0 And all the superfluous dancers, god, it’s about SOUND, not
COMMOTION!\u00c2\u00a0 But I’ve got to say she’s got pipes.\u00c2\u00a0 She didn’t even overmelisma.\u00c2\u00a0
She just reached down into her bag of tricks and delivered.\u00c2\u00a0 You might not buy
it on TV, but in person she got a standing ovation, the biggest of the night,
oh, except for Napoleon Dynamite.<\/p>\n

Yup, turns out geeks do rule the world.\u00c2\u00a0 It was PALPABLE!\u00c2\u00a0 Everybody wanted
Napoleon to win.\u00c2\u00a0 John Heder, who played the title role, and the movie itself.\u00c2\u00a0
And it did.\u00c2\u00a0 And it made you feel good.\u00c2\u00a0 And when we were exiting backstage,
after the final award, Movie of the Year, which "Napoleon Dynamite" won, we
bumped into the cast and crew being interviewed.\u00c2\u00a0 They were like deer in the
headlights.\u00c2\u00a0 They couldn’t even speak.\u00c2\u00a0 When pushed, asked what he was going to
do next, Mr. Heder said "Make a ham sandwich?"\u00c2\u00a0 Priceless.\u00c2\u00a0 You felt like you
could go to SCHOOL with these guys.\u00c2\u00a0 Then again, maybe not my school.\u00c2\u00a0 They all
went to BYU, and I hate to tell you girls, but Napoleon Dynamite himself, Mr.
John Heder, he’s MARRIED!!\u00c2\u00a0 And he ain’t hiding it, unlike Hilary Swank he
thanked his spouse.<\/p>\n

And Hilary Swank introduced Katie Holmes who introduced Tom Cruise.\u00c2\u00a0 Are you
watching this??\u00c2\u00a0 This is INCREDIBLE!\u00c2\u00a0 Tom Cruise is DESTROYING HIS CAREER!\u00c2\u00a0
Turns out that Mr. Cruise is even dumber than Ms. Carey.\u00c2\u00a0 So dumb, in fact, that
he fired his PRESS AGENT who kept this truth from the public.\u00c2\u00a0 Yup, now he’s
handled by his sister.\u00c2\u00a0 He talks all about Scientology, his love for Ms.
Holmes, it’s a FUCKING JOKE!\u00c2\u00a0 To the point where Paramount’s reluctant to make the next iteration of his "Mission Impossible" series.\u00c2\u00a0 Previously, a financial
JUGGERNAUT!\u00c2\u00a0 If you still want to fuck Tom, you’re just not paying attention.\u00c2\u00a0
He was mugging, acting like an idiot, it was almost painful to watch.\u00c2\u00a0 And,
what’s even funnier, HE’S GOT NO CLUE!!<\/p>\n

Award highlights?<\/p>\n

Dustin Hoffman.\u00c2\u00a0 Utterly hysterical.\u00c2\u00a0 I was feeling sorry for him as he
jumped up on stage, feeling he was out of his element.\u00c2\u00a0 But he exuded irreverence
you can’t even find on the CHANNEL!<\/p>\n

And Dakota Fanning.\u00c2\u00a0 The most poised delivery, the cleanest acceptance speech
of the evening.\u00c2\u00a0 It was like she was Chucky, or some kind of ROBOT!\u00c2\u00a0 Yup, she
was that GOOD!<\/p>\n

When it was all over, we went to the party where I set Blake loose and he
chatted up the stars of the "Real World\/Road Rules Challenge".\u00c2\u00a0 Turns out Abram’s
from the VALLEY!\u00c2\u00a0 They’re now BUDS!<\/p>\n

Andy Schuon gave me a complete run-down of the new Universal video channel.\u00c2\u00a0
Just about had me convinced.\u00c2\u00a0 Never knew he rivaled Steve Jobs in the ability
to create a reality distortion field.<\/p>\n

Oh, a splendid time was had by all.\u00c2\u00a0 Yes, the event was MEANINGLESS!\u00c2\u00a0 Purely
hype for the movie companies that advertise on MTV.\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, it was PAYBACK!\u00c2\u00a0
It’s hard to square, since we used to believe in these people.\u00c2\u00a0 And it’s not
only me, it’s hard to take ANY of the new generation of movie stars seriously.\u00c2\u00a0
But, we want to live in fantasyland, we want to believe in entertainment, we
want to believe in things that are larger than life.\u00c2\u00a0 The fact that these
edifices are now two-dimensional and evanescent…is MTV just reflecting the culture
or CREATING IT?<\/p>\n

We could debate this all day long.\u00c2\u00a0 But you know what, nobody cares anymore.\u00c2\u00a0
Because MTV’s not the only culture, only one of many.\u00c2\u00a0 The company has tried
to build a presence on the Web, but it just can’t.\u00c2\u00a0 Because it doesn’t
understand its own paradigm.\u00c2\u00a0 MTV was built on the concept of NARROWCASTING!\u00c2\u00a0 But, on the Web, they’re trying to BROADCAST!\u00c2\u00a0 And their lunch is being eaten by kids they used to consider their audience, who are establishing blogs, trading P2P, building roads on the information landscape, forging forward on their own.\u00c2\u00a0 MTV exists in a walled garden, cable television, where there are only so many
slots, whereas on the Web, it’s a FREE-FOR-ALL!<\/p>\n

And I’ve got to tell you, it’s not only hard to digest what’s going on, it’s
hard to make SENSE OF IT ALL!<\/p>\n

So I can’t turn down a chance to go to an event like this.\u00c2\u00a0 To collect data
and try to acquire enlightenment.\u00c2\u00a0 And I learned that despite all the negative
shit we spew at MTV, the channel still has a constituency.\u00c2\u00a0 They, unlike the
record labels, have found a way to survive.<\/p>\n

Here is a jpeg from Blake’s Sidekick.\u00c2\u00a0 Turns out you can’t hack them anymore.\u00c2\u00a0 \"mtv_movie_awards.jpg\"
They used to let ANYBODY be a developer, and get the tools allowing you to rape and pillage.\u00c2\u00a0 But now, they’ve tightened that avenue up.\u00c2\u00a0
Blake told me.\u00c2\u00a0 He knew everything.\u00c2\u00a0 He had our row dazzled with his little hand-held machine.\u00c2\u00a0 We may be ENTERTAINING the younger generation, but to think they’re blind believers would be to make a GIANT mistake.\u00c2\u00a0 If Andy Lack could only hang a day with Blake, he’d realize HE doesn’t control the music business, the PEOPLE do.\u00c2\u00a0 Then again, isn’t that the conceptual problem, corporate titans thinking they dictate to the masses?\u00c2\u00a0 [The picture ain’t great, we meant to snap a better one later, but life ain’t about recording for posterity, but living it, and we FORGOT!)\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 <\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Blake already has Coldplay.\u00c2\u00a0 And the Foo Fighters.\u00c2\u00a0 And the Black Eyed Peas.\u00c2\u00a0 He got them from Torrent sites.\u00c2\u00a0 And Websites.\u00c2\u00a0 That I’m sure the RIAA has never even HEARD of.\u00c2\u00a0 Shit, I hadn’t.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s why I brought Blake along.\u00c2\u00a0 To be my DECODER RING!\u00c2\u00a0 To explain what I was seeing at the Shrine. And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-live-shows"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p96vPs-E","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}