What did Ann Coulter say, you don’t attack down, you attack up?<\/p>\n
When I got the e-mail from the reporter asking me if Taylor Swift’s new record was really about me, my temperature didn’t even rise.\u00c2\u00a0 Because I don’t think I’m that big a guy.\u00c2\u00a0 Howard Stern read my post on his radio show yesterday and claimed that he’d never even heard of me.\u00c2\u00a0 And if the King Of All Media doesn’t know who I am, how big can I be?<\/p>\n
That’s the weird thing about fame.\u00c2\u00a0 You don’t know you’re famous.\u00c2\u00a0 At least I don’t think I’m famous.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe Joe Walsh put it better, "Everybody’s so different, I haven’t changed".<\/p>\n
So I’m not gonna go to iTunes and buy the damn track, which Google tells me is available today.\u00c2\u00a0 And I go to YouTube and all I get is this publicity clip with a short snippet of the song. And then I Google harder and find the complete track and the lyrics.<\/p>\n
And lo and behold, I’m wondering if that’s me in a Taylor Swift song.<\/p>\n
You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me<\/span> Doesn’t sound like me.\u00c2\u00a0 Sounds like the famous guy all the online pundits are speculating about, John Mayer or…<\/p>\n But it could be me, I do work with words…<\/p>\n Then again, the chorus references some high school hick bully.\u00c2\u00a0 And I’m old enough to be Taylor Swift’s father:<\/p>\n Someday I’ll be living in a big old city and all you’re ever gonna be is mean<\/span> Then:<\/p>\n You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation<\/span> Boyfriends don’t switch sides.\u00c2\u00a0 And Taylor writes about boyfriends, not the high school maelstrom at large.\u00c2\u00a0 And I did go on praising Taylor Swift despite being inundated with e-mail from insiders that she couldn’t sing and then ultimately realized they were right and said so, but…<\/p>\n And you can read the rest of the lyrics.\u00c2\u00a0 And there are some that are clearly not me and some that could be and songs are always written in code with obscuring phrases to protect the guilty and…<\/p>\n Then again, didn’t I ultimately lead the charge about her vocal flaws after her Grammy appearance?:<\/p>\n Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing but all you are is mean<\/span><\/p>\n And:<\/p>\n But nobody’s listening, washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things<\/span><\/p>\n The number one way people describe my writings is "ranting".\u00c2\u00a0 So… Well "Mean" isn’t quite "You’re So Vain" and I’m not quite Warren Beatty, not by a long shot. Then again, people thought the song was about Mick Jagger, when everybody on the inside knew that was wrong, hell, he even sang on it.\u00c2\u00a0 And only insiders would know who I am.<\/p>\n So here I am giving Taylor Swift the publicity she desires.\u00c2\u00a0 She won.<\/p>\n But she still can’t sing and isn’t it time to start acting like an adult?\u00c2\u00a0 To cast off the high school persona and fly as a woman instead of darting around like a little girl?\u00c2\u00a0 That’s what’s got everybody’s eyes rolling, her aw shucks\/ohmygod! look when she strides onto the stage to earsplitting applause.<\/p>\n Taylor got to live out her adolescent fantasy.\u00c2\u00a0 Can she now be a woman singing about womanly issues?<\/p>\n I mean Joni Mitchell ultimately sang about the human condition, contemplating suicide in "Song For Sharon", is Taylor Swift gonna grow or keep on fighting these petty wars?<\/p>\n I get e-mail every day telling me I’m an asshole.\u00c2\u00a0 As a matter of fact, the same guy e-mails me every day to tell me I’m a shithead.\u00c2\u00a0 Let me see, he’s e-mailed me 295 times so far.\u00c2\u00a0 It goes with the territory.\u00c2\u00a0 Stick out your neck and people will bite it.\u00c2\u00a0 And just like Obama doesn’t waste time fighting the petty ignoramuses, I’m surprised that Taylor Swift would stoop to this level.<\/p>\n We don’t like to see celebrities bitch. They’re tearing Jennifer Aniston a new asshole every day online.\u00c2\u00a0 Does she complain?\u00c2\u00a0 No, she puts on a smile and ignores the carping.<\/p>\n Or let me put it differently.\u00c2\u00a0 Kenny Wayne Shepherd was cool when he was a teenager, same deal with Jonny Lang, but you ultimately grow up and either succeed as an adult, on adult terms, or you’re forgotten.<\/p>\n Taylor Swift captured the teen zeitgeist better than anyone in this century.\u00c2\u00a0 And the hooks in her songs made them catchy.\u00c2\u00a0 Her material was sincere and honest.<\/p>\n But she still can’t sing.<\/p>\n And if this song is really about me, I wish it were better.<\/p>\n The song:<\/p>\n
You, knock me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing<\/span>
You, with your words like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I’m wounded<\/span>
You, picking on the weaker man<\/span>
Well you can take me down with just one single blow but you don’t know what you don’t know<\/span><\/p>\n
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me and all you’re ever gonna be is mean<\/span>
Why you gotta be so mean?<\/span><\/p>\n
You, pointing out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them<\/span><\/p>\n
So…\u00c2\u00a0 Where does this leave us?<\/p>\n\n