If Howard Stern were not behind a pay wall, if he was a judge on "American Idol", if he could be easily and readily heard, he’d be the most influential man in America.<\/p>\n
Huh?\u00c2\u00a0 Fartman?\u00c2\u00a0 The guy who spanks girls’ bottoms and gets them to show their titties?<\/p>\n
I never listened to Howard when he was on terrestrial.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t get up that early.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, I was familiar with his act.\u00c2\u00a0 They’d broadcast his show starting at 3 AM, if I couldn’t sleep, I tuned in.\u00c2\u00a0 I lied.\u00c2\u00a0 I occasionally listened.\u00c2\u00a0 But I wasn’t hooked.\u00c2\u00a0 I was not a fan.<\/p>\n
Sure, he could be good.\u00c2\u00a0 But he was a tireless self-promoter.<\/p>\n
That’s one good thing about being on SiriusXM.\u00c2\u00a0 Howard finally believes he’s arrived, he’s got nothing to prove, he’s just doing his act, the one no one else in America is willing to do…speak the truth.<\/p>\n
I’d love to tell you I’m addicted to the music stations on the satellite.\u00c2\u00a0 But except for some old XM stalwarts like Deep Tracks, they too often piss me off.\u00c2\u00a0 They’re riddled with promotional cliches, and endless repeats.\u00c2\u00a0 But Howard?\u00c2\u00a0 I just can’t get enough.<\/p>\n
Now that he’s on XM too, so I don’t have the dreaded dropouts of Sirius, I gravitate to him.\u00c2\u00a0 Well, I’m only driving on the freeway for twenty minutes, let’s see what Howard has to say.<\/p>\n
And then I can’t turn him off.<\/p>\n
Two nights ago, I sat in my parked car long past midnight, by the glow of the radio dial, listening to Howard talk about his parents.<\/p>\n
How they go to the yogurt shop every day.\u00c2\u00a0 Drink lukewarm coffee and complain about it.\u00c2\u00a0 How Howard’s dad brings his own blueberries (from Chile!) in "a Tupperware" to put on the yogurt.\u00c2\u00a0 And he’s doing the voices.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s what thirty five years of radio will do for you, hone your chops.\u00c2\u00a0 To the point you’re so good, we can identify.<\/p>\n
We’ve all got parents.\u00c2\u00a0 And Howard is not always so charitable towards his.\u00c2\u00a0 But today he told the backstory.\u00c2\u00a0 How they were Depression babies.\u00c2\u00a0 His father had to wear two left shoes, his mother wore the same pair of underwear every day.\u00c2\u00a0 And how hearing these stories ad infinitum makes Howard feel guilty, that he’s just not entitled to have anything.<\/p>\n
Whew.<\/p>\n
And there are the constant put-downs of Ellen DeGeneres.\u00c2\u00a0 Talking about how she’s nice on screen, but a bitch when the cameras aren’t rolling.\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, he even made that comment about the fat chick actress’ future career.<\/p>\n
Huh?\u00c2\u00a0 Who are you talking about?<\/p>\n
Gabourey Sidibe.\u00c2\u00a0 You already forgot?<\/p>\n
Oprah’s on the Oscars waxing rhapsodic, about the girl’s bright future, we’re at home on the couch saying HUH?\u00c2\u00a0 An inexperienced obese black woman is going to be a big star?<\/p>\n
Tell that to Heidi Pratt, who’s already a star, but felt so inadequate she got umpteen plastic surgeries in a day.<\/p>\n
Hollywood doesn’t tolerate imperfection.\u00c2\u00a0 It pays lip service to everyman and parades beautiful twits to get you to watch, so you can fantasize about having sex with them.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, don’t be aghast, admit it, if you don’t want to fuck someone on TV, you don’t turn on the set. You just don’t want your cover blown.<\/p>\n
But that’s what Howard Stern does.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s why we’re drawn to him.<\/p>\n
His only problem is he’s speaking to a tiny audience.\u00c2\u00a0 Distribution is killing Howard Stern.\u00c2\u00a0 Sure, he’s being well-paid.\u00c2\u00a0 But his impact is a fraction of what it once was, when he wasn’t even as good.\u00c2\u00a0 But no one with distribution will step up and make a deal.\u00c2\u00a0 They’re afraid of the Christian Right, the FCC, those people with a big voice but a tiny constituency.\u00c2\u00a0 If you’re dignified, wearing Armani and flying private, do you really want to associate yourself with Howard Stern?<\/p>\n
Absolutely.\u00c2\u00a0 Because he’s you.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s me.<\/p>\n
In a nation where elected officials are duplicitous and bankers are crooks and the poor people are hoodwinked, think they’ve actually got a chance, aren’t we ready for someone who’s honest, who’s willing to not only expose our underbelly, but the truth of the big issues?<\/p>\n
Of course we are.<\/p>\n
If Howard re-ups with SiriusXM it’ll be a crime.\u00c2\u00a0 Like the Beatles being on Vee-Jay.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, that happened, and nothing happened, they needed to be on Capitol to make it.\u00c2\u00a0 Howard’s already made it, but to ascend to the throne he needs to be everywhere.\u00c2\u00a0 The more places he is, the more places people will demand him.<\/p>\n
He’s the biggest star in America.\u00c2\u00a0 You just don’t know it yet.<\/p>\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
If Howard Stern were not behind a pay wall, if he was a judge on "American Idol", if he could be easily and readily heard, he’d be the most influential man in America. Huh?\u00c2\u00a0 Fartman?\u00c2\u00a0 The guy who spanks girls’ bottoms and gets them to show their titties? I never listened to Howard when he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2899","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-radio","category-the-media"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p96vPs-KL","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2899","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2899"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2899\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2913,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2899\/revisions\/2913"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2899"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2899"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2899"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}