{"id":277,"date":"2006-01-09T19:51:49","date_gmt":"2006-01-10T02:51:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/archives\/2006\/01\/09\/2005-awards\/"},"modified":"2006-01-09T19:54:39","modified_gmt":"2006-01-10T02:54:39","slug":"2005-awards","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/2006\/01\/09\/2005-awards\/","title":{"rendered":"2005 Awards"},"content":{"rendered":"

I PAY LIP-SERVICE TO THE MUSIC BUT I’M ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jimmy Iovine<\/p>\n

(Why else would he have that film deal and have his hands in so many ventures.\u00c2\u00a0 Did Ahmet get a deal with Paramount?\u00c2\u00a0 John Hammond?\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, if it ain’t money Jimmy’s looking for, it’s power.\u00c2\u00a0 And both of those are far from the tunes.)<\/p>\n

\n

JACK ABRAMOFF AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mitch Bainwol<\/p>\n

(While standing up for the major labels Mitch and his minions state that they’re looking out for the artist.\u00c2\u00a0 Nothing could be further from the truth.\u00c2\u00a0 Internet distribution via monetized P2P is the artist’s friend.\u00c2\u00a0 Only one problem, if it takes hold most artists will have no need for a major label.)<\/p>\n

\n

LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Edgar Bronfman, Jr.<\/p>\n

(I truly believe that Edgar loves music.\u00c2\u00a0 Only one problem, Thomas H. Lee loves money.\u00c2\u00a0 The recent dividend is a slap in the face of all the workers who were laid off, never mind the musicians still "employed" by this label.\u00c2\u00a0 Based on his Universal experience, I believe Edgar wants to do better, but his bosses won’t let him.\u00c2\u00a0 And not wanting to be squeezed out again, Edgar’s looking over his shoulder for approval all the time.)<\/p>\n

\n

WHO AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fred Durst<\/p>\n

(No, not Who as in Townshend, rather Who as in…WHO GIVES A SHIT, WHO CARES, WHO’S THAT GUY WITH THE SHORTS AND TATTOOS AGAIN?\u00c2\u00a0 Look at it this way, even Vanilla Ice has more traction.)<\/p>\n

\n

IRRELEVANT AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Neil Portnow.<\/p>\n

(Sure, NARAS had to be healed, but could Neil take a LOWER profile?\u00c2\u00a0 Every organization needs a public face.\u00c2\u00a0 NARAS is still waiting for one.)<\/p>\n

\n

BLOWHARD AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Clive Davis<\/p>\n

(Did he invent music?\u00c2\u00a0 Shit Clive, you release middle of the road pap that you’ve engineered by committee so it’s got about as much soul as "Cheaper By The Dozen 2".\u00c2\u00a0 Your talent lies in hype, not music.\u00c2\u00a0 You seem to have convinced the straight press that you’re the most talented person in the business and you matter.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ll be forgotten not long after you die, THANK GOD!)<\/p>\n

\n

TWO-FACED AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don Henley<\/p>\n

(Sure, you donated your proceeds from Mitzvahpalooza to Walden Woods, but isn’t this like Goering donating his salary to an orphanage?\u00c2\u00a0 Sure, cheap shot Don.\u00c2\u00a0 But we have to believe in somebody, and we used to believe in you.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ve got a long way to go to regain our trust.\u00c2\u00a0 You can start by apologizing.)<\/p>\n

\n

WINNER OF THE YEAR AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tom Freston<\/p>\n

(Jimmy Iovine could take a lesson here.\u00c2\u00a0 THIS is how you graduate from the music business to world dominance.\u00c2\u00a0 Could it be that Tom is friendly to everyone and a real person whereas most label execs think they’re God’s gift to the world?\u00c2\u00a0 One can be humble, and possess some hubris, yet not be a phony equivalent to the lame-asses who win Grammys and thank God.\u00c2\u00a0 As Bill Maher puts it, God had nothing to do with it.\u00c2\u00a0 Tom Freston won fair and square.\u00c2\u00a0 And, if you think about it, he even beat music business legend David Geffen.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, at this point Geffen might have more money, but Geffen sold HIS company, DreamWorks SKG, to Paramount\/Tom and Tom’s got all that power that Geffen always dreamed of.)<\/p>\n

\n

MAKING A DIFFERENCE AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Derek Sivers<\/p>\n

(The opposite of Jimmy Iovine.\u00c2\u00a0 Solely in it for the music\/artists.\u00c2\u00a0 Truly the indie’s best friend.)<\/p>\n

\n

YOU’VE GOT TO BE CRAZY AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tony Brummel<\/p>\n

(Sure, he’s successful.\u00c2\u00a0 But he’s crazy.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe with a bit of psychotherapy he could rein in some of his abuses and his acts would love him more and not leave him.\u00c2\u00a0 Still, like someone with bipolar disorder, Brummel’s genius allows him to accomplish things managers at conventional labels only DREAM of.)<\/p>\n

\n

ABANDONED TEAM AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Indie retailers<\/p>\n

(How in the HELL did the majors abandon the only people who they could count on, the only people who gave a shit, the only people who BELIEVED!\u00c2\u00a0 By chasing the almighty dollar, the major labels undercut the indies, putting them out of business.\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, indie stores should be able to buy the product CHEAPER!)<\/p>\n

\n

RUSE AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

iTunes Music Store<\/p>\n

(If you believe the future is selling copy-protected individual downloads for an exorbitant price you probably work for the RIAA.)<\/p>\n

\n

FLUNKING ECONOMICS AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cellphone companies<\/p>\n

(They might as well charge ten bucks a download.\u00c2\u00a0 They got ahead by lowering the price of their service, can’t they say the future is CHEAPER music?)<\/p>\n

\n

WITHERING ON THE VINE AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

The CD<\/p>\n

(So the business killed the 78, the 45, the 33, the 8-track and the cassette but suddenly decides to stop and hold at the CD?\u00c2\u00a0 How fucked up is that.\u00c2\u00a0 Why don’t we all just drive Oldsmobile Cutlasses.)<\/p>\n

\n

SELF-IMPRESSED AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

The movie business.<\/p>\n

(Just because it costs a lot to make doesn’t mean it’s important.)<\/p>\n

\n

WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE MUSIC BUSINESS AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Wall Street<\/p>\n

(Take out the quarterly reports and you bring back artist development, you’ve got a healthy business again.)<\/p>\n

\n

BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

XM Radio<\/p>\n

(Sirius is good, but XM is great.\u00c2\u00a0 It sounds better, it comes in better and there’s a broader range of material played, it’s a music lover’s dream.\u00c2\u00a0 Sirius is terrestrial on satellite.\u00c2\u00a0 Playing to the average guy.\u00c2\u00a0 XM plays to the smartest guy in the room.\u00c2\u00a0 It puts a smile on your face every time you turn it on.)<\/p>\n

\n

MOST TREASURED DEVICE AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

iPod<\/p>\n

(Sir Howard stated iPod is Dopi spelled backward.\u00c2\u00a0 And there you have it.\u00c2\u00a0 Mr. Stringer is a manager and Steve Jobs is a visionary.\u00c2\u00a0 If there was a visionary at the major labels he’s been fired or neutered.\u00c2\u00a0 But every exec has got an iPod.\u00c2\u00a0 Talk to people under the age of twenty, hell, talk to ANYBODY!\u00c2\u00a0 I hear it all the time.\u00c2\u00a0 The iPod is their most treasured device.\u00c2\u00a0 Sure, it’s brilliantly designed, but it doesn’t work without music.\u00c2\u00a0 Can’t the labels understand that they provide the FUEL!\u00c2\u00a0 That there’s a DEMAND for this fuel?\u00c2\u00a0 And that the future is more music for more people at a lower aliquot price?\u00c2\u00a0 I guess not.)<\/p>\n

\n

INSANITY AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Variable pricing at the iTunes Music Store<\/p>\n

(It’s simple, it’s easy, and it’s irrelevant.\u00c2\u00a0 But even though the iTMS doesn’t count, the fact that labels want to raise the prices, and that’s what variable pricing is, just shows how completely out of it they truly are.)<\/p>\n

\n

SITE OF THE YEAR AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pitchforkmedia.com<\/p>\n

(For breaking Arcade Fire.)<\/p>\n

\n

BELIEVABILITY AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Arcade Fire<\/p>\n

(Sure, they made a publishing deal, but they stayed with their indie label, they didn’t sell out.\u00c2\u00a0 As a result, their fans believe in them.\u00c2\u00a0 Without this belief you’ve got…\u00c2\u00a0 Let’s see…J. Lo., Ashlee, Good Charlotte…<\/p>\n

\n

DUMBFUCK AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Creative<\/p>\n

(For thinking it’s about HARDWARE!\u00c2\u00a0 The iPod succeeds because of SOFTWARE!)<\/p>\n

\n

EVIL GIANT AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Microsoft<\/p>\n

(Always Microsoft.\u00c2\u00a0 If you think the company has the public’s best interests at heart, you haven’t used\u00c2\u00a0 Windows.\u00c2\u00a0 They’re angling to own online music, at the cost of…transferability, usability and raw dollars.\u00c2\u00a0 The fact that the labels would throw in with these fucks shows how uninformed they are.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s equivalent to earthlings boarding the flying saucer in the "To Serve Man" episode of "The Twilight Zone".\u00c2\u00a0 Just because someone nods their head and delivers what you THINK you want that doesn’t mean they don’t want to fuck you in the ass and take over your business.\u00c2\u00a0 STEVE JOBS is the business’ friend.\u00c2\u00a0 But since he’s a real person, speaking truth, HE’S the one who’s castigated.\u00c2\u00a0 Unreal.)<\/p>\n

\n

SUING TRADING SITES IS DUMB AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

The major labels.<\/p>\n

(Uh…did you realize you can trade files almost instantly, in a completely unmonitored fashion, via IM?\u00c2\u00a0 Or, are you planning to snoop on IM the way George Bush snooped on American citizens under the aegis of saving the world.\u00c2\u00a0 Then again, Mitch Bainwol IS a Republican…)<\/p>\n

\n

COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Andy Lack<\/p>\n

(Notice he hasn’t gone on record with any heinous big picture announcements recently, not since the rootkit problem broke wide.\u00c2\u00a0 How long is it until SOMEONE fires this guy’s ass.)<\/p>\n

\n

GONE AND COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Carly Fiorina<\/p>\n

(She was an unqualified cunt from the beginning.\u00c2\u00a0 Now a RICH unqualified cunt.\u00c2\u00a0 She’s a cunt because she caused too many people other than herself to lose money.\u00c2\u00a0 Workers, stockholders…\u00c2\u00a0 If it was such an unmanageable company, how come her successor is putting up so much better numbers?)<\/p>\n

\n

MOST POWERFUL MAN IN RADIO AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Eliot Spitzer<\/p>\n

(Not that it really makes a difference.\u00c2\u00a0 The major labels still control the airwaves, it’s just CHEAPER for them.)<\/p>\n

\n

HISTORY AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Eminem<\/p>\n

(How can a cutting edge artist relinquish his throne so EASILY?\u00c2\u00a0 Let me tell you.\u00c2\u00a0 By cutting a second-rate record and going on tour with a side band.\u00c2\u00a0 By not admitting that Dre has musical talent and you don’t.\u00c2\u00a0 By being so caught up in your own family drama that you don’t know which way is up or down.\u00c2\u00a0 A modern day Elvis.\u00c2\u00a0 But with a lot fewer hits.)<\/p>\n

\n

UNRECOGNIZABLE AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

VH1<\/p>\n

\n

DEATH SENTENCE AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Auto-tune<\/p>\n

(Eliminate this and you’d TRULY level the playing field.)<\/p>\n

\n

GREED AWARD<\/strong><\/p>\n

Agents<\/p>\n

(Then again, is it the managers, or the acts themselves.\u00c2\u00a0 Where is it written that you have to take ALL of the money out of the market?\u00c2\u00a0 Concerts have gone from a routine activity to event status.\u00c2\u00a0 And, the business has tanked along with this.\u00c2\u00a0 Has variable pricing helped the concert industry?\u00c2\u00a0 Then again, who should I attack first, the agents or TicketMaster…)<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I PAY LIP-SERVICE TO THE MUSIC BUT I’M ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY AWARD Jimmy Iovine (Why else would he have that film deal and have his hands in so many ventures.\u00c2\u00a0 Did Ahmet get a deal with Paramount?\u00c2\u00a0 John Hammond?\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, if it ain’t money Jimmy’s looking for, it’s power.\u00c2\u00a0 And both of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music-business"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p96vPs-4t","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/277","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=277"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/277\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=277"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=277"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=277"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}