{"id":231,"date":"2005-11-18T18:24:33","date_gmt":"2005-11-19T01:24:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/archives\/2005\/11\/18\/dinosaurs-on-the-road\/"},"modified":"2005-11-19T09:19:21","modified_gmt":"2005-11-19T16:19:21","slug":"dinosaurs-on-the-road","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/2005\/11\/18\/dinosaurs-on-the-road\/","title":{"rendered":"Dinosaurs On The Road"},"content":{"rendered":"

KISS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cannot tour again.\u00c2\u00a0 They reunited.\u00c2\u00a0 Did a stadium farewell tour with the original band.\u00c2\u00a0 They’ve said goodbye so many times I can’t keep the RETIREMENTS straight.\u00c2\u00a0 Why does anybody want to see them before they go ANYWAY, they SUCK!<\/p>\n

Kiss was a band for those too young to participate in the sixties.\u00c2\u00a0 "Rock And Roll All Nite" is a great anthem, and I even like the makeup-less "Lick It Up", but will someone please inform Gene Simmons that nobody really cares (and he’s not as smart as he thinks he is?)<\/p>\n

I believe only KISS tribute acts should be allowed to survive.\u00c2\u00a0 And that Gene should authorize each and every one and take fifty percent of their action.\u00c2\u00a0 I have no problem with this guy making money just so long as I don’t have to HEAR ABOUT IT!<\/p>\n

Take the band members, and all their memorabilia, and put them in KISS Kaskets and bury them.\u00c2\u00a0 Society will be grateful.<\/p>\n

Paul McCartney<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can only go on the road if he DOESN’T play the hits.\u00c2\u00a0 Weren’t the Beatles the band that invented the concept of the album cut TO BEGIN WITH?<\/p>\n

Sure, play some obscure Beatle chestnuts.<\/p>\n

But I’d be fine if Paul just whipped out some solo classics.\u00c2\u00a0 Like "Letting Go", "Mamunia", "Warm and Beautiful", "Teddy Boy", "Big Barn Bed"…\u00c2\u00a0 Can the man stop giving us what he thinks everyman is looking for and do SOMETHING for his fans?\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t care if he performs these numbers in an arena, but he must be prevented from flashing the peace\/victory sign all the goddamn time.<\/p>\n

Lou Reed<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can only go out with the "Rock N Roll Animal" band.<\/p>\n

ELO<\/strong><\/p>\n

One tour of small halls.\u00c2\u00a0 Let us see it live and then put it to rest.
But, before they get it back together, can they give us one MOVE tour?\u00c2\u00a0 With Roy Wood and the original "Do Ya", "California Man" and "Message From The Country"?<\/p>\n

Tom Petty<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can keep on touring.\u00c2\u00a0 Keep on doing what he’s doing.\u00c2\u00a0 But he can’t do any more movie soundtracks or concept albums.<\/p>\n

Chicago<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cannot go back on the road until they reunite with Peter Cetera.<\/p>\n

Mike Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

Must be made to spend eternity in hell with Gene Simmons.\u00c2\u00a0 But, before he leaves, he CAN go on the road, but only as Mike Love, WITHOUT the Beach Boys moniker.\u00c2\u00a0 See how many people are interested THEN Mike!<\/p>\n

Earth, Wind & Fire<\/strong><\/p>\n

Without Maurice White, they can’t tour under this name.<\/p>\n

The Dead<\/strong><\/p>\n

Just call it the Grateful Dead again, won’t you?\u00c2\u00a0 And hire a hot guitarist like\u00c2\u00a0Derek Trucks to fill in for Jerry.\u00c2\u00a0 Please, give these ex-Deadheads something to do!<\/p>\n

Phish<\/strong><\/p>\n

Should announce a Great Went-type festival for 2008.\u00c2\u00a0 So everybody can tolerate and get off the back of Trey Anastasio in the meantime.<\/p>\n

Bob Dylan<\/strong><\/p>\n

Must sings his songs faithfully again.\u00c2\u00a0 This is the greatest ruse of all time.\u00c2\u00a0 This is the emperor’s new clothes incarnate.\u00c2\u00a0 Sure, we love the words, but if you want to lay down new grooves, why don’t you write some good new lyrics?<\/p>\n

Simon & Garfunkel<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can go on the road only if they play small halls and tickets are under $100.<\/p>\n

U2<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can only tour if they have no new albums.\u00c2\u00a0 Please, can’t we just call this the nostalgia it is?<\/p>\n

The Rolling Stones<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can only play theatres.\u00c2\u00a0 And can’t play "Satisfaction".\u00c2\u00a0 Or "Start Me Up".\u00c2\u00a0 They can charge what they want, but at least half of the set has to be comprised of songs that were never singles.\u00c2\u00a0 AND, they must bring Mick Taylor back.<\/p>\n

Neil Young<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can keep on doing what he’s doing.<\/p>\n

Yes<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can keep on doing what they’re doing, but only with the original "Fragile" band.\u00c2\u00a0 That means with Rick Wakeman and hopefully Bill Bruford (but we’ll tolerate Alan White).\u00c2\u00a0 The reason they get a pass is ONLY fans care.<\/p>\n

REO Speedwagon<\/strong><\/p>\n

Must tour with Gary Richrath.<\/p>\n

Journey<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can’t be on the road using this name without Steve Perry.<\/p>\n

Aerosmith<\/strong><\/p>\n

Must tour playing complete albums.\u00c2\u00a0 First year, "Rocks".\u00c2\u00a0 Then, "Toys In The Attic".\u00c2\u00a0 Finally, "Get Your Wings".\u00c2\u00a0 After that, they’ll be so rich and so old that they can do what they want, if anything at all.\u00c2\u00a0 (They can play other hits at the show, but must play the album involved in order, note for note, except for added solos.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy Buffett<\/strong><\/p>\n

MUST keep on doing what he’s doing.\u00c2\u00a0 Otherwise the summer concert business will implode.<\/p>\n

Garth Brooks<\/strong><\/p>\n

Must either shit or get off the pot.\u00c2\u00a0 Either go on the road or stop teasing us and truly retire.<\/p>\n

The Eagles<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can’t release a new record.\u00c2\u00a0 Solo work is okay, but it can’t comprise more than a quarter of the live show.<\/p>\n

They’re the living Beatles, and we don’t want the image tarnished with new, substandard work.<\/p>\n

Page & Plant<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can’t reunite ANYWHERE without John Paul Jones.<\/p>\n

Pink Floyd<\/strong><\/p>\n

MUST go on the road.\u00c2\u00a0 This is the number one band EVERYBODY wants to see.\u00c2\u00a0 It must be a stadium tour.\u00c2\u00a0 Tickets must be under $100 so all the kids under twenty who want to see the band can.<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

KISS Cannot tour again.\u00c2\u00a0 They reunited.\u00c2\u00a0 Did a stadium farewell tour with the original band.\u00c2\u00a0 They’ve said goodbye so many times I can’t keep the RETIREMENTS straight.\u00c2\u00a0 Why does anybody want to see them before they go ANYWAY, they SUCK! Kiss was a band for those too young to participate in the sixties.\u00c2\u00a0 "Rock And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-231","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-live-shows","category-music-business"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p96vPs-3J","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/231","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=231"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/231\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=231"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=231"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=231"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}